-Ooh! -(laughing): Yeah!
JAMES: So far in my hard-hitting
current affairs series about Japanese culture...
-What are you doing? -I've successfully dishonored
-the Northern Islands... -It's terrible.
...been put on a watch list on the mainland...
(laughs) I feel like a pervert.
...and had a dunk with a monk
that we shall never speak of again.
Yes, we are completely naked.
This time... this.
♪ Touch me, touch me now. ♪
-YOJIRO: Trainspotters. -JAMES: Trainspotters.
Did you eventually meet some girls?
Eh...
ALL (chanting): Asa! Asa! Asa! Asa! Asa!
♪ ♪
JAMES: I finally hit the bustling hub of what most of us think of
when we hear Japan: Tokyo.
So, how to begin?
A dreadfully amusing shot of me being the tallest person
in a lift, perhaps.
Or maybe we should set our sights a little higher.
Believe it or not, everything you're going to see
out of the window of this helicopter
began life over 900 years ago
as a fishing village called Edo.
This is the biggest urban area on the planet.
38 million people.
(over radio): It was also, of course,
largely destroyed in World War II
by American firebombing.
Most of what you see today is obviously post-war.
And then, of course, you mustn't forget
that Godzilla, by my reckoning,
has destroyed Tokyo at least 15 times.
Oh, my God, there it is now. No, it isn't.
As usual, I've arranged to meet with a local guide,
so I land my helicopter on one of the quieter streets
and go to find him.
Presumably at a suitably epic location.
Konnichiwa.
Which of this means "cats"?
-(woman singer vocalizing) -(gong clangs)
Konnichiwa.
(overlapping greetings)
Hello, kitty.
I said, "Hello, kitty."
You'll have to kill me.
Wash your hands, please.
Thank you.
"No flash, please. Don't hold a cat.
"Don't give food and drinks to the cats.
If you're inflicted the injury, only first aid."
-Okay. -Thank you.
Hello.
Cat cafés like this one have recently started
springing up here and there in the West,
but as usual with flights of whimsical madness,
Japan is far ahead of the curve.
In Tokyo, you can find themed cafés
for dogs, rabbits,
(fading): snakes, owls, hedgehogs, robots...
This is for mad cat people.
(woman vocalizing continues)
Well, it's quite tricky.
I think I'm gonna have one of those
with chips and vegetables.
I think you're supposed to choose
which cat you would like to meet.
Yukinojou. Ragdoll.
I think that might be...
that one? Seven. Ow.
Konnichiwa.
-Konnichiwa. -Are you Mr. James May?
I am.
Hello, sir. Uh, it's a big honor.
My name is Samurai Yujiro.
-Oh, you're Yujiro. -Yes.
Sorry. I thought you were a mad cat person.
-Oh. (laughs) -Konnichiwa.
-Sumimasen. Sumimasen.
-Your Japanese is better than mine already. -Fantastic.
-Yes. -Are you really a samurai?
YUJIRO: I decided to get dressed as a samurai.
-Right. -Because, literally,
"samurai" comes from the word "saburau."
Means "to serve the master."
So I have decided I want you to be my master.
And I'll be your samurai.
I'll be the servant.
-So, can I call you master? -Um...
Master James?
Well, it's a bit weird, but, um...
Okay. I'll call you "sensai."
-Oh, sensei. Sensei, yes. -Sensei. Sorry.
"Sensai" means "deodorant."
-Okay, I'll call you that. -Yeah.
Sensei, okay.
Master James.
-Yeah? -Do you know the term sakura?
It's-- Hang on.
Sakura is cherry blossom.
Absolutely, sir.
You have come at a perfect day.
The sakura today is very beautiful.
It will be my huge honor if I can kidnap you
all the way to the great cherry blossom.
Would that be okay, sir? Can I take you?
Yes, but we can just go on the tube if you want, that's fine.
For a few brief days a year,
the cherry trees famously flower,
showering parks in Japan everywhere
with amazing pink petals.
But I can't really pay attention to any of that.
I'm boggled by my new samurai deodorant.
Uh, that way.
After the calm of rural Japan,
Yujiro's like Tokyo itself:
bigger, madder, and much louder.
-Uh, Master James. -Yes, you don't have to call me master, it's...
Okay, okay, sir.
-Master James, are you a big fan of sausages? -No.
Why have you brought me out on a pink swan-stroke-duck?
We are riding on the pink duck
because cherry blossoms are also pink.
-Yes, that makes sense. -Yes.
(Yujiro laughing)
JAMES: I finally manage to focus Yujiro's enthusiasm
back on the cherry blossom.
This is a sakura...
JAMES: In Japan, their brief blooming is celebrated
as being symbolic of life--
beautiful but tragically short.
Just like Richard Hammond.
Tokyo citizens will take the day off work
to sit under the sakura,
and Yujiro tells me he has some friends doing just that.
And these are my lads, my mates.
-Your mates, your lads. -Yeah.
James May... (speaks Japanese)
JAMES: Konnichiwa. Konnichiwa.
Konnichiwa. Arigato.
-(laughter) -Shoes.
Oh, shoes, shoes.
-Oh! -OTHERS: Shoes!
-YUJIRO: Yes. -JAMES: Sumimasen.
-Taking me shoes off. -Yes. Yeah, yeah.
-Cheers. -Yes.
No, not cheers! We have to do it Japanese way.
James... (speaking Japanese) Kanpai!
OTHERS: Kanpai!
(shouting continues)
Are you hungry?
-Hung... hungry? -JAMES: Not really.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah... -JAMES: Okay, yes.
-Yes, I am hungry. -YUJIRO: You have to say yes.
-Yes. -You have to say yes.
-Yes, okay, yes. -MAN: Japanese bento.
-Yes. -JAMES: Japanese bento. -YUJIRO: Whoa...!
-Oh, that looks fantastic. Yes. -Oh, my God!
-JAMES: Yes. -YUJIRO: Whoa...!
-Who made it? -Oh, uh, my... wife.
His wife made it for you!
My God!
JAMES: Ah, the quiet, peaceful cherry blossom.
-YUJIRO: So, Master James. -Yes?
The Japanese love the so-called...
-the "brevity of life." -Well, that's the thing
that baffles me.
Yes.
You celebrate...
-Yes. -that life is short...
-Yes. -and will end soon.
-Absolutely, sir. Yes. -Is that right?
Yes. Japan is a land of conformity.
We are ostensibly a homogenous nation,
-Yes. -with, uh,
sakura trees everywhere
across the nation.
So it's something that unites
the heart of our people.
Yes.
So why has everybody suddenly left?
Is it because I've arrived?
-Because it started raining. -Yeah.
-Oh. -Yeah. -(laughter)
It turns out even cherry blossom
isn't as fleeting as a Japanese picnic
once it starts raining.
A Tokyo gathering is a world away
from the quiet and cozy Obihiro yatai hut
from my very first day.
But I feel every bit as welcome.
-YUJIRO: So, Master James. -Yes?
Can I wrap it up with Japanese type of ending?
-Sure. -Okay.
-(shouting, clapping) -Okay.
In the beginning, you have to say, "Yo." That's your job.
-Yo. -Okay? Okay, ready? -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Yo. -Yo.
Hey!
(cheering, laughing)
Right, that's good.
-(whooping) -Arigato.
Yes.
Well, I was advised that he was
a little bit bonkers, and that's putting it lightly,
but, you know, I don't mind that sort of thing.
And... let's be honest, his English is fantastic,
his local knowledge is fantastic,
and he's quite amusing.
I find the whole master-servant thing a little bit...
kinky.
But as long as he's not expecting anything later on,
that's fine.
♪ ♪
(gong clangs)
JAMES: As the sun sets across the city,
the streets come alive with a very particular part
of Japanese culture.
Like the werewolves of Tokyo, these are the salarymen.
Their lifestyle all revolves around
two very Japanese concepts of behavior:
"honne" and "tatemae."
To explain more, here's my advisory antiperspirant.
Salaryman... men-- or man who receives salary
-from the company, literally speaking. -Right.
-We say salaryman. -Salaryman.
I read about, is it honne?
Honne and-- not tatami.
-Ah, yes. Yes. -That's a type of carpet.
-We're not talking about carpet here, Master James. -No, no, no.
-Yes, very close. Honne to tatemae. -Tatemae.
One is the... diplomatic face
-that you use at work. -Yeah, tatemae.
Like devotion. It's like...
Uh, s-some, some people say human sacrifice.
-Ooh. -In a way.
Japan is a land of conformity.
And even if you hate your boss, you obey.
Overly submissive. So you're stressed out.
But there is an unwritten rule that says when you go,
you know, "Hey, hey, kanpai" with your work colleagues,
then, mm-mm... you've had...
-That's-that's honne. -Then you can be honest.
-Yes. -Really honest.
Be honest, your true feelings. That's honne.
JAMES: The Japanese is very much work-- work very hard, work very long,
drink like hell, fall over,
get up, go back to work.
-And-and puke. Puke. -And puke.
JAMES: I decide to seek out some salarymen with Yujiro,
if only so that he can practice some honne
and start calling me a bellend rather than bloody "master."
Where do you work?
-(speaking Japanese) -At a bank.
-Bank? -Bank.
(speaking Japanese)
M and A. Merger and acquisition.
-You know, like investment. -Yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(speaking Japanese)
-Same-same company. -Together?
Is it very hard work? Is it very tough?
Do you feel a lot of pressure?
Very.
-Very much. -Very much?
In Japan, you're not allowed to say what you think.
And basically you have to say a tatemae,
which is something that respects the other person,
and you have to say something that is good
for the other person.
So you have to kind of suppress your own opinion
and respect others.
Especially if someone is older than-than you, so...
But what if you've had, say, eight Asahis?
-Eight Asahis? -Yeah.
-Oh, then that's a different question. -(laughter)
JAMES: In Britain, after a heavy one,
you'd end up outside a kebab shop somewhere
distributing lumps of doner meat
and salad on the pavement.
But not in Japan.
-Yes. -Yes.
Let's go!
(all cheering)
JAMES: Karaoke recently experienced
something of a renaissance in the West,
especially with video games like SingStar
letting you be irritating in the home.
But here in Tokyo, karaoke never left.
MAN: ♪ USA... ♪
(singing in Japanese)
Our impromptu karaoke session
suddenly turns into a free-for-all,
with half of Tokyo deciding to bundle into our booth
so we can experience the spirit--
and, indeed, the spirits-- of honne.
-Kanpai! -ALL: Kanpai!
JAMES: At least Yujiro can't get any more out of control.
♪ Touch me ♪
♪ Touch me now, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
♪ Touch me, touch me now. ♪
Come on. Oh, yeah!
Yeah. All right.
Ooh!
(women speaking Japanese)
Because of complex international music licensing laws,
we're only allowed to show you the very briefest clip
from this next song.
♪ There's not a problem that I can't fix ♪
♪ 'Cause I can do it in the mix ♪
♪ And if your man gives you trouble ♪
♪ Then you get out on the double ♪
♪ And you don't let it trouble your brain ♪
♪ And away goes trouble down the drain. ♪
Trust me, that was enough.
(laughter and chatter)
-(crowd chatter) -(James chuckles)
I'm not... I'm not really sure what to make of all that,
because it's not how I'd normally spend a Friday night.
In a small, hot room with some other blokes
singing songs I've never heard of,
but it was actually quite good fun.
God knows how we're going to edit it together,
but it's not a problem we can't fix.
We can do it in the mix.
(indistinct, overlapping chatter)
In the mix.
♪ ♪
(gong clangs)
After a night of vehemently insisting that I did,
in fact, build this city on rock and roll,
I'm a bit bleary this morning.
But you do have to hand it to the Japanese.
The culture does work.
They've retained their manufacturing industry,
despite ten years of a flatlining economy,
and if that means you have to sing
"Last Night a DJ Saved My Life"
with eight big glasses of Asahi on board,
well, then that's what it takes.
Today I'm going to a festival,
if I can continue to speak properly
and remain alive for the rest of this journey.
Yujiro's told me there's a traditional spiritual gathering
happening in nearby Kawasaki,
which sounds about the quiet pace I can currently handle.
Here we are at the Kanayama Shrine.
Kanayama Jinja in Kawasaki City.
Kawasaki City's about, what, uh, 20 kilometers
-from the center of Tokyo. -Yes.
And today, we have this, uh, penis festival.
Mm.
This apparently is the annual Kanamara Matsuri--
the festival of the steel phallus,
a religious fertility celebration
where people will come from miles around to look upon
all this and say, "Oh, cock."
In England, you don't have penis festivals?
Not as far as I'm aware.
Well, welcome to the land of the rising penis.
-JAMES: And the queue is for? -This queue?
-Yes. -Well,
this is the Kanayama Jinja, Kanayama Shrine.
The god of sexuality
and, uh, to celebrate fertility.
I think they want big, big families.
-Yes. -Yes, sir.
(chanting in Japanese)
Is an erect penis as beautiful as the cherry blossom?
Because sometimes it seems to be as fleeting.
Is anybody embarrassed by the idea
of giant phalluses being paraded around the town?
Next to a-a nursery school, as it turns out.
JAMES: A problem I struggle with every day.
So, it turns out that looking like a dickhead
is part of the point.
This is a chance to embrace
a healthy sex education in a rather repressed society.
Back in the shrine, a young trainee priest
is performing the symbolic ritual
of lighting a candle,
which announces the start of the parade.
The spark of life from the flint represents--
you guessed it-- a penis.
Oh, well. It happens to the best of us.
Yujiro's volunteered me to take part in the procession.
Presumably because I have prior experience
supporting bellends.
We're gonna have this penis gigantic, uh...
A float? Yeah, like a carnival float?
I guess so, yes, and, uh, we will
walk all around this whole city,
and we praise the god of sexuality.
-Penis and, uh, the lady garden. -Yes.
(clapping in unison)
(men speak Japanese)
-(chanting) -No. He's saying don't move yet.
(man shouts)
MAN: Asa!
-Asa! Asa! -Asa! Asa!
Asa! Asa!
Asa! Asa! Asa! Asa!
-Asa! Asa! Asa! -Asa! Asa! Asa!
JAMES: Unfortunately, being the tallest here,
all the weight of the float is focused on my shoulder.
-Asa! Asa! -Have you got enough yet?
Come on, James. You can do it. Asa.
-Asa. Asa. -I'm too tall!
-Asa! Asa! -Asa! Asa!
-Yujiro?
-Yeah. -I'm dying!
-Ow! -But you're British samurai.
You're strong. Asa!
-Asa! -Asa! -How's your leg?
Bad. It's not my leg. It's my face!
-Are you running out of energy? -JAMES: Yes!
YOJIRO: Oh! Oh!
I'm 6,000 miles from home, I'm in pain,
I'm carrying a giant penis,
and I have no idea what "asa" means.
Asa! Asa! Asa!
I've given it to the production executive.
Asa! Asa!
-He's too tall, as well. -Asa! Asa! Asa! Asa!
You made history today, James. You're the--
I think you're the first British man
-to participate in this Kanamara Festival. -Am I?
Yeah! In the front row!
-You're the leader. -And the last.
-Yeah, but... -Don't do that. That hurts.
-But... does it hurt? -Yeah.
-It did, huh? -I think it snapped.
-How about your thighs? Yeah? -Don't touch that, either.
For a people known for being reserved,
the Kanamara Festival is both eye-opening
and heartwarming.
Today, all sexualities are being celebrated openly.
As well as people who are
genuinely just simply wanting a baby here, you've got...
well, everybody's taste, really.
You've got L, G, B, T, Q, plus, Yujiro.
The lot.
(shouting in Japanese)
Now, a lot of people watching this might find
all of this distasteful, but in the end, it's only a penis.
Statistically, everybody's got half of one.
(indistinct chatter)
YUJIRO: Which penis is your favorite, James?
JAMES: Mine.
(gong clangs)
JAMES: Something Japan is best known for--
apart from, now, giant phalluses--
is ingenious gadgets and tech.
This is a super gadget shop I recommend.
JAMES: We are in Akihabara,
Tokyo's hub for solutions to problems
that no one has ever identified.
And where I experience firsthand
the Yujiro shopping channel.
This is a, uh, backpack
to carry your animal.
A dog or cat.
-What is that? -It's-it's a mask.
It blocks tiny particles from the pine trees...
-Like hay fever? -Yes.
-It also makes you look a tit. -Yes.
It's an ear cleaner. (puffs)
But if I clean your ears,
the video inside of your ears
is displayed on your iPhone.
-Isn't that fantastic? -No.
-What do you think this is? -I don't know.
-I've no idea what that is. -It's a dish cleaner.
-What? -There you go.
What is the point of that, really?
-You're not gonna buy this? -No, I'm not.
As well as the smaller Aladdin's caves of Akihabara,
there are towering shrines to tech.
When I first came to Tokyo
25 years ago, you could buy things
that you simply didn't see anywhere else,
like a little credit card
that held phone numbers and addresses.
This was before we had smartphones and what have you,
but these days that's not the case, because
we get the same electronics everywhere.
But there's one area of cutting-edge tech
where Japan definitely sits on the throne.
Ah, here's something we need to address, Yujiro.
Uh, toilets.
The Japanese khazi.
-This is oshiri. -This very helpful,
uh, little graphic means
-"ass wash." -Yes, ass. Yes, yes.
-And some of them play a tune as well, don't they? -Yes.
So that if you do a big fart,
you're not embarrassed, is that right?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -In England, people just sing
"Roll Out the Barrel" or something to cover up the noise.
The-the latest models
have these automatic, self-washing,
um, how do you say? Uh, program.
-It cleans itself, the latest model. -All righty.
-Latest model. But... -Ah, right, okay.
-Now, that's why this is the expensive one, then? -Absolutely, but if, um,
you can adjust how strong you want the water
-to, you know, clean your asshole. -Yes, yes.
-Uh, your bidet. -Yes. Yes.
-Your-your sensitive crotch. -Yes. Okay.
You can even wash your face with this, you know.
You can, I mean, theoretically.
When you press the-- here, the-the water comes out,
you can, you can, theoretically.
But you-you don't have to.
-Right. -Yes.
-Shall we cut? -TOM: Yes.
(laughs)
JAMES: Akihabara
isn't just a center for gadgets.
It's a hub for all geeky interests,
from manga to video games.
As such, it's a home for a very important sector
of Japanese society.
The "otaku," which translates roughly as "super geek."
The difference between super geeks here
and in Britain, for example, is that,
here they're not derided.
They are embraced, they are welcomed
as a necessary part of the social fabric.
And the greatest of all super geeks are, of course...
Tetsudo mania, or trainspotters.
Trainspotters.
Japanese trains are so efficient,
if they are late, they often have to issue certificates
to all the passengers, or their workplaces
won't believe it happened.
This means Tokyo is a trainspotter's paradise.
Yujiro's arranged for me to meet two trainspotting otaku
at a model-railway themed café around the corner.
Because of course there is.
(speaks Japanese)
-YUJIRO: Konnichiwa. -Konnichiwa.
Konnichiwa.
Excellent.
Do you have to be secret
about your train obsession?
(speaking Japanese)
-Ah... -Oh...
Oh, I know. I think I know what you mean.
Yeah. Yeah. He didn't have... What you say?
He couldn't grab the heart of the girls in his classroom.
-Because you liked trains? -Yeah.
-Uh, trains, trains... -And when you start riding trains...
-Train. Train. -Ah.
-Taking pictures is... mm... -Ah...
Did you eventually meet some girls?
-Mm. Mm. -(Yujiro speaking Japanese)
Ah. Uh... uh...
-No. -(laughter)
JAMES: Takahiro-san is so obsessed with trains...
...he actually achieved
15 minutes of fame in Japan with a top 20 single
where he mimicked platform announcements.
No, really.
(singing in Japanese)
JAMES: I mean, it's still better than Coldplay.
(singing in Japanese)
JAMES: And that's not all.
You can... I heard you do noises.
You can do beatbox train noises?
-Yes. -Can you do Shinkansen?
That's the Japanese bullet train.
(imitating whooshing)
-That's quite good, isn't it? -(laughing): Whoa...
-(applause) -Yes!
-YUJIRO: Bravo! Bravo! -Yes.
Can you do...? I don't know
-if you can see this. -Yes.
There's a small... looks like a German steam.
-Oh. -YUJIRO: Oh. Made in Japan.
-That's Japanese steam locomotive? Okay. -Yes.
Can you... can you do the noise of that?
(hissing)
(chugging)
(hissing)
(chugging)
This is...
-MINAMIDA: Whoa! Bravo! -That's fantastic.
That is a realistic chuffing sound.
-Domo arigato gozaimasu. -(speaking Japanese)
(whooshing)
Closing.
-(whooshes) -(laughing)
-Okay. -End of interview.
Okay.
♪ ♪
My new otaku friends take me to Shibuya Station
so I can observe them in the wild.
And, as luck would have it,
an incredibly rare train has just pulled in.
For Minamida-san, it's all too much.
JAMES: Here it comes.
YUJIRO: Yeah.
Should I bow to it?
-Because it's exceptional. -YUJIRO: Whoa!
It is old style.
James, it said that is a Tokyu Line
90th anniversary model.
JAMES: In case you didn't quite get that,
that was a 90th anniversary liveried
Tokyu 5122.
I'm not doing the noises.
(upbeat jingle playing over speakers)
I can't help but notice that every train station
in Tokyo seems to have its own catchy jingle.
(humming jingle)
And there's ano...
-There it is. -(humming jingle)
(jingle playing)
-YUJIRO: Whoa. -What-- So, do you do
-jingle dances all the time? -MINAMIDA: Yeah.
That was a jingle.
-Jingle maker. Jingle composer. -Yeah.
Jingle-- Yeah, that's what he said.
You must meet Mr. Mukaiya,
-the composer of this jingle. -I'd-I'd love to--
I would love to meet Mr. Mukaiya, a jing--
-a train jingle composer. Yes. -Yeah.
Domo arigato gozaimasu for showing us your trains.
-(speaks Japanese) -We have to leave you.
So wait till the ne-- the jingle comes.
Then we'll leave this scene with a jingle dance,
away from the station, okay?
So, it's gonna come any second, I think.
(jingle playing)
(laughing)
(whooshing)
♪ ♪
So, acting on this hot tip,
I decide to see if I can find and meet this Mr. Mukaiya,
the train station composer.
Yujiro's got the rest of the day off,
but I'm sure I can cope by myself.
YUJIRO: Well, I had imagined
that Mr. James May would be a typical gaijin,
or a ter-term as a foreigner as a-- in Japanese.
But he has turned out to be, in a way, a real samurai.
(siren wailing)
What did I do?
(speaking Japanese)
Uh...
Yes.
He-he knows so much about this country.
Yes. Sumimasen.
-Uh, sumimasen. -Sumimasen.
James understands the background
of these Japanese mythical world.
Yellow line.
-O-Okay? Okay? -Okay. Sumimasen, huh?
-Sumimasen. -(speaks Japanese)
He is the blue-eyed British samurai.
-Camera, camera. -Camera. Yes.
-YouTube? -YouTube?
-No, no, no, no, no. (chuckles) -YouTube. Ah, no. (laughs)
Not YouTube. Well, maybe.
This bit might be on YouTube.
Having shaken the rozzers,
I finally find Mr. Mukaiya's HQ.
It's a paradise for train nerds and even has
its own working Tokyo underground simulator.
-Here. -Oh, there.
-Oh, on the red triangle. -Yes.
-Okay. -Okay.
-The-- oh, it's right there! -Oh!
(groans)
-Oh, no! -Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
-oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. -(groans, chuckles)
The 200-plus jingles Mr. Mukaiya has written
are played constantly at Japanese stations,
which technically makes him
one of the world's most-played musicians.
You've got seven seconds and you have
to capture the character
-of the station. -Mm-hmm.
Is the-- is the name of the station
-an inspiration? -Name of the station. Yeah.
So let's say the-the station is my name.
It's called James May Station.
-James May. -"May" is like
a Japanese word, isn't it?
Ja-Jame-Jame-James May.
And it's an outside Tokyo...
James May. Outside Tokyo.
-Just write, like, a... -Yeah.
(plays soothing jingle)
-Like a James May. -That's quite nice.
-♪ James May. ♪ Yes. -♪ May. James May. ♪
-Is this keyboard going? Yeah. -(plays note)
I was thinking... ♪ James May, sumimasen. ♪
-(chuckles) -Because I'm...
(playing updated jingle)
'Cause it has
-almost a bow at the end. -Okay, okay, okay.
-It needs a little bow. -All right.
-'Cause I say "sumimasen." -To try.
Try the... ♪ James May ♪
-♪ James May. ♪ -(playing jingle)
Or it could even be, um...
(playing jingle)
(plays bluesy ending)
(speaks Japanese)
B flat, ninth chord.
(playing jingle)
(plays smooth ending)
-Oh, that's nice. Yes. -Okay.
It is more sophisticated, yes.
(playing jingle)
(playing flowing ending)
-Okay, we did it. -You did it.
I think it's fabulous.
-Congratulations. -Thank you very much.
All we need to do now is build James May Sumimasen Station
on the Tokyo subway.
♪ James-u May-u ♪
♪ Sumimasen. ♪
(beeping)
♪ James May ♪
♪ Sumimasen. ♪
♪ ♪
JAMES: I never thought meeting a subway jingles composer
would leave me feeling creatively inspired,
but I've decided to book myself in
for a thoroughly artistic day.
First, I'm headed to a little oasis of calm
in the Wakamiya district
to hone my quickly stagnating haiku skills.
And I've brought Yujiro to stop me getting arrested.
-Konnichiwa. -Konnichiwa. -Konnichiwa.
James-san. Yujiro-san.
(speaking Japanese)
Hana Fujimoto and Toru Kiuchi are venerated haiku masters.
Fujimoto-san writes for a popular haiku magazine,
and Kiuchi-san is the vice president
of the Haiku International Association.
If you were going to judge haiku,
what would you look for?
Or what would your-- what would your advice be?
When I-I'm writing haiku,
I write-- I catch a moment.
KIUCHI: The clear image.
Just like a photo, photograph.
Like a snapshot.
-Ah. Mm. -YUJIRO: Mm.
A moment.
At the end of my trip, in about four weeks' time,
I want to write one haiku
that says everything I feel
about my journey across Japan.
Mm.
Can I send that to you?
And then you can give me an honest critique
and send it back.
Oh, sure.
May I read you some
-of my original haiku... -FUJIMOTO: Okay.
and you can give me, maybe, marks out of ten?
Or five?
Or five, seven and five?
(chuckles)
This was written when we, um, spent the day
with a katana maker,
a Japanese swordsmith.
"The fire roars, the snow
"Gathers at the forge threshold,
Clamoring for peace."
KIUCHI: Oh.
-You like that one? -Oh, yeah.
Um, this is when I had a boil appeared on my chin
early on in the trip.
"Land of volcanoes,
"Who thought your next eruption
Would be on my face?"
KIUCHI: Hmm.
"Ah, Matsushima,
"The spring morning is windy;
I blame the noodles."
Mm.
(Yujiro exhales)
"Going for a poo,
"I drop off my boots and wear
Your flip-u-flop-u."
-KIUCHI: Mm. -(Yujiro laughing)
Flip-u-flop-u.
-Flip-u-flop-u? -Flip-u-- Oh.
JAMES: Flip-flop is...
Flip-flop...
Yes, beach sandals. But in Japanese,
I thought they would be
-"flip-u-flop-u." -YUJIRO: Flip-u-flop-u.
Mm.
JAMES: I may cancel the book launch.
-That's it, I'm afraid. -Good.
-Yeah, the last one is very good. -Thank you.
Domo arigato. I've learned a lot.
Like a haiku, you have said a lot
with very few words. Fantastic.
-KIUCHI: You're welcome. -Arigato gozaimashita.
JAMES: My haiku genius was clearly lost in translation.
I have to say, though,
even though we're still very much in Tokyo,
escaping from the sight of the big city,
even for a few moments,
has me thinking just what is it I'm looking for
in my quest to understand Japan.
I'm wrestling with a bit of an inner conflict here,
because the thing I've always loved about Japan
is that it's so Japanese.
And everything about it is completely Japanese.
Normal everyday things like having your breakfast,
going to the shops to buy something,
it's-it's-- that's what makes it so intriguing and so exciting.
But what I'm actually doing there
is celebrating monoculturalism.
So, by that token, I ought to be the sort of person who says,
"Britain should remain British."
But I don't think that.
I like Britain being multicultural.
Because it improves the food, obviously.
So where does that leave me?
I am very close to being one of those people
who goes to visit Maasai warriors and says,
"Oh, isn't it wonderful that they still live in mud huts?
I hope this doesn't become spoiled by tourism."
Similarly, the East has bled into Western culture, too.
So, speaking of improved food
and to somewhat demonstrate my point,
Yujiro and I decide to stop at a sushi place for lunch,
the sort of thing that would have once seemed
bewilderingly alien but is now a Western staple.
Hello, viewers. You join us at a very exciting lunch.
This is kaiten sushi, which means, uh,
sushi going round on a conveyor belt.
"Round and round," it means, "kaiten."
Now, there's two ways to get the food. You can take it off
-the conveyor. The plates are... -Excuse me, James.
-Yes. -That's a...
-that's a bloody gaijin manner. -What?
-You never... -Oh, sorry.
-put your chopsticks like this. -Oh, uh...
-All right, now... -Yeah, like this.
-Very rude, yes. -Okay.
-You're-you're bollocks. -Sumimase...
-(laughing) -Yes. Yes.
That's not how you use "bollocks."
-Okay. Th-- Uh... -I'll explain
"bollocks" to you later.
-Yes. -Sumimasen.
(speaking Japanese)
-Okay. (speaks Japanese) -Now, there are several ways
to select the food.
But to start with, let's say, have this one.
Shit, that was a bit slow.
"Bollocks," as you would say.
-Yes. -And then you eat it
with your chopsticks.
-And wasabi. Yes. -And wasabi.
Then you say "itadakimasu."
Absolutely. To-Totally perfect.
-Itadakimasu. -And then-then you pick it up
with your chopsticks and you shove it in your face,
-like that. Okay? -Yes.
-Mmm. -Perfect. Itadakimasu.
Mmm.
Should we try ordering something?
-Yes. Ha... -So, if we go to-- I would like to have
-salmon roe. Ikura. -Yeah.
-Order. -(chuckles)
(beeping)
(whirring)
I can see something coming.
-This is exciting. Are you ready? -Yeah.
-Ah, look, there's ours. -Yes.
-(speaking Japanese over screen) -Oh.
Ikura. Here you are.
Even if you're used to sushi places, though,
as usual, Tokyo is one step ahead.
Over 50% of the sushi is made by robots.
So, like, for example, this is rice, right?
-Shari. -Mm-hmm.
This was made by a robot.
And a human just put the topping right here.
Like this. So, these robots here,
it is said that,
in one second they can make one plate.
In just one second.
-Really? -Yeah.
I didn't know that.
(whirring)
-That was egg. -That was egg.
-Yeah. -And, furthermore,
-in here, in Kurasushi, -Yeah.
if you insert five plates inside this little...
-What do you say? -The bin.
Bin. There's a lottery.
-You want to try? -Yeah.
Please do.
Uh, well, I'll have to take a couple...
-So, I just put them in there, yes? -Yeah, yes.
-One. Two. -One-one. Two.
-Three. Four. -Three. Four.
Five. There you go.
Let's see.
So, there you go. There you go.
Wait. Yes! You won!
-You won! -So, do I get a...?
You're such a... (speaks Japanese)
-See, look! Yeah! -Oh!
Oh, my God, you're a lucky bastard.
Usually you don't win this at-at a first try.
-You like it? -I love it.
-Here you are. Here. -Oh. Arigato, James.
-Furthermore, James, we put the plate here, right? -Yes.
Actually, there's a river. River is flowing.
So the plates we put in
goes automatically to the kitchen.
So everything's automatic. Everything's AI.
Robot, robot, robot.
Rationalization, I guess. Yes.
Arigato gozaimasu.
Arigato. Soon we'll be robots, as well,
and there will be no need for television presenters.
-And that will be a good thing. -(laughing)
Goodbye.
♪ ♪
(gong clangs)
My next stop is to explore
something else that's seen a huge surge
of popularity in the West: anime.
Japan has been a world leader in animation
for over a hundred years, and you just have to have
a quick browse through modern streaming services
like Net(bleep) and Hu(bleep) and Amazon
to see what a cultural phenomenon it's become,
from family-friendly fare like Studio Ghibli
to more, uh, adult stuff.
(woman speaks Japanese)
(man speaks Japanese)
(all reply in Japanese)
(speaks Japanese)
Yujiro's brought me to the Yoyogi Animation Academy,
the oldest and largest anime and manga school in Japan.
I can't read manga, obviously,
because my Japanese is limited to ordering beers
and sashimi, but I've-I've had some translated
for me by Japanese speakers, and some of it,
it-it delves into quite dark corners
of human consciousness, like loneliness,
depression, violence,
uh, terrible relationships, terrible work problems.
All these things are covered, aren't they?
All the things that you would expect in big dramas in film.
-It's all in manga. -Yeah.
It is just part of literature.
There's manga for every situation in Japan:
happy, uh, sad, angry.
In Japan, uh, expressing something with a picture
has been a part of our culture for several hundred years.
Is it possibly because your-your language-- or kanji, anyway--
-is really based around the idea of pictures? -Yeah. Yes.
Yeah. And it's easy to imagine, like, um, certain characters.
So it's e... When it comes out in kanji,
it's easier to imagine what the word means.
(all speaking Japanese)
JAMES: Classes at the Yoyogi Academy
aren't just about hunching over a desk
with a stylus.
Here a voice-over acting class
starts with a warm-up introduction
of saying your name anime-style.
(all speaking Japanese)
-James-san. -ALL: James-san!
JAMES: And to study movement,
there's a visit from a sword master.
(all shouting)
Of course, the blue-eyed, British samurai
-held his own. -(shouts)
(all shout)
(James whooshes)
(others grunt)
(speaking Japanese)
JAMES: The school is currently producing a feature film,
and I'm invited to the auditions.
Apparently, there's a potential role I'd be perfect for.
The improvisation is very important
in voice-overs, yes.
So, Japan update, subject: anime.
I've got a part,
owing to my excellent Japanese language skills.
I'm a dog.
(speaking Japanese)
(growling)
(growling continues)
(yelling in Japanese)
(James barking)
(high-pitched bark)
-(coughs) -(all laugh)
(whooping)
I appear to have somehow passed the audition stage.
MAN: Great dog!
Time for the real record.
The story is an emotive tale
about three boys going on an adventure
to find a miracle flower of happiness.
But audiences will clearly be flocking to it
for the breakout performance of Fido Number 2.
-(gasps) -(growling)
(growling continues)
(woman whimpering)
(shouting in Japanese)
(barking)
(high-pitched barking)
The review of the day's footage seems to go down well.
(barking)
(high-pitched bark)
(laughter and applause)
So, with a career in canine vocalization beckoning,
it's time to graduate from the Yoyogi Academy.
And, indeed, it's time to leave Tokyo.
But before I do, there's one more artistic destination
that apparently can't be missed.
(gong clangs)
Yujiro, typically, downplays it.
I'm honored to take you to this super exhilarating
Japanese experience, sir.
This is something unreal that's gonna blow your mind.
-Something unbelievably amazing. -Well, that's a relief.
-Are you ready for that? -Yes.
(soothing music playing)
Wow.
For once, Yujiro's unhinged enthusiasm
is actually on the money.
It's astonishing.
(laughs)
This is Borderless,
a cutting-edge digital art installation
from the Japanese group teamLab,
who've successfully managed to visualize
what it must look like inside Brian Eno's head.
If I lie down, do I disappear in the flowers?
It's all done with a huge network
of hundreds of computers and projectors...
How does it look?
...which all come together to create
the same state-of-the-art experience
you could get in the '60s by drinking
from the wrong beaker at a party.
Oh, I hope that's what it's like being dead.
It'll be fantastic.
The exhibit is an astonishing 10,000 square meters,
or roughly half the size of the Genesis concept album.
Look at that.
And, just to complete the trip,
the projections even respond to your own movement.
At least, I think they do.
Mmm.
Here come the birds.
There are 50 digital artworks on display,
but they constantly change,
blend and merge with each other,
and even move into different rooms.
Look, there's a moose.
Look at that.
Of course, this being modern Japan,
the installation has fast become
one of the most Instagrammed places in the country.
It's amazing, isn't it?
But putting away the smartphone and just drinking in
the surreal atmosphere is a transcendent experience.
That is very disconcerting.
Can I go that way?
Ho!
Have you looked up?
-Look up. -SEAN: Oh, wow.
(James laughs)
JAMES: Exhibits include the Crystal World room...
I'm completely lost, but I don't think I mind.
...the Forest of Resonating Lamps...
...and the even more catchy
Memory of Topography experience...
(laughs)
...where I reunite
with an equally lost Yujiro.
-So, how do you like it? -Welcome to the afterlife.
-Thank you. -It's fantastic, isn't it?
Yes, it's a big honor
meeting you in the afterlife, too.
It's...
it's so real, you know?
JAMES: Yeah.
So digital but so real.
If we move three paces that way, it'll change.
-Really? -Watch this. I think so.
As I walk through the fields of digital lilies
and cherry blossom with my faithful samurai aerosol,
with the ancient meeting the new all around us,
I think back on my time in Tokyo.
Japan's shifting, both between its past and its future
and between East and West,
is never more apparent than here.
As with most big capital cities,
there's a multiculturalism here
that's a marked difference to my rural adventures
to this point.
Yes, a lot of it is still bizarre,
but technology, anime, karaoke,
sushi, even novelty cafés-- we're getting more used
to this sort of thing in the West every day.
And the bleeding of West into East
is at its strongest here, too.
I actually think it's worth coming
to Tokyo just to see that.
-Yeah? -Wherever you live in the world. Yeah.
-How did you like it? -It's fabulous.
-Fancy a cheeseburger? -Cheeseburger.
Yes, everything is American here.
Yes, Big Mac.
Tokyo. Do you know what?
There are a lot of tired, old clichés attendant upon it.
I'm sure we've all heard about the ten-pounds-a-pint beer,
the exclusively raw fish diet,
the gridlocked traffic,
the impenetrable language barrier on signs.
And it was like that when I first came here
about a quarter of a century ago,
but it's not really like that anymore.
I have to speak as I find.
Tokyo has changed a bit.
Tokyo is not as Japanese
as it once was.
Still, if you're a fan of the old ways,
join me in a future episode, where I will be in Kyoto,
where everything's made of real wood,
and I'll be looked after by a geisha.
Until then, sumimasen.
Exiting...
No...
♪ ♪
("Motor Man 15th Medley" playing)
(singing in Japanese)
♪ James May, sumimasen. ♪