1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,920 (conch blowing) 2 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:09,920 JAMES: So far on my north to south tour 3 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:13,080 as ambassador for Anglo-Japanese relations... 4 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:15,400 Yes, we are completely naked. 5 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:17,000 ...I've been mocked by Misayo... 6 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:20,040 What are you doing? It's terrible. 7 00:00:20,080 --> 00:00:22,280 JAMES: ...gunned down by Maki... 8 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:23,920 I'm coming to shoot you. 9 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,120 -(screams) -JAMES: Yeah! 10 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:27,400 ...and then there was Yujiro. 11 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,720 Welcome to the land of the Rising Penis. 12 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:32,040 You can adjust to-to clean 13 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:34,320 -your ass or your... -Yes. 14 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:35,720 Can I call you master? 15 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,840 -Master James? -Well, it's a bit weird. 16 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:40,920 This time, this: 17 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,200 (shouting) 18 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,480 JAMES: Ah! Yes, it is. 19 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:52,520 RoBoHon, tell me something interesting. 20 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,520 No. 21 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,120 ♪ ♪ 22 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:16,200 JAMES: In a bid to escape my Tokyo guide, Yujiro, 23 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,680 I've taken to the open road, and I'm currently somewhere 24 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:21,360 in between the bright lights of the capital 25 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:25,560 and Japan's spiritual heartland, Kyoto. 26 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:30,440 And to complement my deeply on-trend brown leather jacket, 27 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:33,040 I'm astride nearly 200 horsepower 28 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:37,600 of Kawasaki ZZR1400. Phwoar! 29 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,760 The significance of the motorcycle 30 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:46,280 in the story of modern Japan is fully explained 31 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:49,040 in my other documentary series, James May's Cars of the People, 32 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:52,120 also available on Amazon Prime, along with streaming music, 33 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:53,680 next-day delivery and more, 34 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:57,320 but, in short, the Japanese motorcycle 35 00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:00,080 is the story of Japan's reindustrialization 36 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,480 in the '50s and '60s. 37 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:04,280 The Japanese motorcycle became an ambassador 38 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,040 for the country's excellence all around the world. 39 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:09,720 More to the point, if you've got a bike, 40 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:12,560 you've also got some mates. 41 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,440 Here's my gang. 42 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,080 Harley-Davidson? 43 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:26,720 You don't want to ride a Japanese bike? 44 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,240 JAMES: I was thinking maybe we could go 45 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,360 and see Mount Fuji. 46 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:41,600 Okay. Let's saddle up. That's it. 47 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:48,560 Whether you're ripping up Route 66 48 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,520 or tearing down the A22 to Eastbourne, 49 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:54,640 the axioms of the modern biker gang are universal. 50 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,440 We want to be free, free to do what we want to do. 51 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:07,520 Free to burn ethically-sourced rubber. 52 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,760 So long as we have adequate lubrication, 53 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,920 regular comfort brakes, and third-party fire and theft. 54 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,680 And that's what we're gonna do. 55 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:20,560 I hope the people of rural Japan are suitably worried 56 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:24,400 because JM-usans Fugu-fish mad bike gang is out 57 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:27,760 and soon we're gonna stop and have some noodles. 58 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,800 (laughter) 59 00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:36,600 Not that long ago, 60 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:40,240 a lot of motorcyclists in Japan were effectively outlaws. 61 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,600 They had a terrible problem with biker gangs 62 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,640 who just used to terrorize the place, 63 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:48,600 but now it's become a rather polite weekend hobby. 64 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:51,400 Sort of spoils it in a way. 65 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,640 It's not bad anymore. 66 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:55,600 I mean, we're actually obeying the speed limit 67 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:57,640 and we're not crossing the orange line. 68 00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:59,440 I mean, what's happened to us? 69 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:01,760 Still, let's not worry about that for the moment. 70 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:05,480 Let's relax and head towards the sacred mountain. 71 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,480 Ah, there it is. 72 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:15,280 One of Japan's most iconic emblems, 73 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:18,320 Mount Fuji is technically an active stratovolcano 74 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,640 for the geologically-minded among you. 75 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:24,440 Fuji-san, as the Japanese call it, 76 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:27,360 has inspired countless artists and poets over the centuries. 77 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,920 And I can see why. 78 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,640 This is actually a completely Japanese experience, isn't it? 79 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:37,240 Ancient and modern. 80 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,240 Motorcycle underneath me, 81 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,720 Mount Fuji in the background. 82 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:47,040 And in another totally Japanese experience, 83 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:48,640 because they're too polite to tell me 84 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:50,120 I'm cramping their style, 85 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:53,320 the bikers quietly and civilly bugger off. 86 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:13,040 Rubbish. 87 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:18,120 I don't know how many photographs of Fuji 88 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,480 have ever been taken, but it must be millions, 89 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:23,560 maybe hundreds of millions, and in accordance with the rule 90 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,800 that says 97% of everything is rubbish, 91 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,240 97% of them are rubbish. 92 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:31,920 There is my effort, you see. Absolutely terrible. 93 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,480 In fact, the crew-- they're professionals, remember-- 94 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:35,880 have been doing this all morning. 95 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,760 Here is a small gallery of their efforts. 96 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:42,280 Okay, rubbish, rubbish. 97 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,240 Blurry cherry blossom. 98 00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:46,280 Got power lines in it. There, look. 99 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:48,920 Not even got the whole mountain in. 100 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,200 That's got my face in. 101 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:54,160 Oh, that's something completely different. 102 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,400 Yes, they're all rubbish, and that's the problem, you see. 103 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,320 If you take a photograph of Fuji, 104 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,840 you're taking a photograph-- a record, if you like, 105 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:03,080 of what it looks like, but that's not actually the point. 106 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:04,760 The point of Fuji to the Japanese 107 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,160 is not what it looks like-- it's basically a triangle-- 108 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,760 it's what it means. 109 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,560 And to depict what it actually means, 110 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:11,920 you don't want a photograph, 111 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,200 you want something more "interpretative." 112 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:16,920 You need an artist. 113 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,840 I wonder if there is one around here. 114 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:21,720 Christ, yes, there's one. 115 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,520 (gong clangs) 116 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:31,920 -This is Takayoshi Sakaria-san. -Yes. 117 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,040 Uh, he is an artist. He's been living here 118 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:39,560 and painting Fuji for over 50 years 119 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,600 in search of... the truth, I suppose. 120 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,920 And, in a scene we shot earlier, here he is, 121 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,040 painting the truth as he has done every single day 122 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:52,160 for the last 50 years. 123 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:57,800 That's quite an extensive, albeit niche, back catalogue. 124 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:03,480 I think I'm about to get a lesson 125 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:05,240 because I've noticed there are two easels. 126 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:20,400 The slope-- top of Fuji is about there. 127 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,240 If nothing else, it makes you look. 128 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:25,800 Can you tell me, Sakaria-san... 129 00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:28,080 -Hai? -...what is the meaning you're trying to find? 130 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:29,440 What is important about the mountain? 131 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:30,960 Most people would say, "Well, it's just a mountain." 132 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:10,160 Mine looks absolute rubbish. 133 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,000 Why does his look better than mine? 134 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,640 It's annoying. 135 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:16,640 I think it's because he's, like, an artist and I'm not. 136 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,200 I've now been painting for about... 137 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:25,880 (stammers) ...three quarters of an hour, 138 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,400 and if you thought my photograph was bad, 139 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,000 wait till you see this. 140 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,640 It's pretty shocking, but I have found, um, a haiku, 141 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:34,040 an Issa haiku, which is sort of appropriate for the moment. 142 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,360 I'm gonna try it in Japanese on my host and see. 143 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:38,880 Uh, Sakaria-san. 144 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,320 -Yes? -Um... 145 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:49,760 -Oh! -Good? (laughs) 146 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,640 Which could be interpreted in all sorts of ways, 147 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:53,240 but especially with regards 148 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:56,640 to my painting, I have climbed the mountain of trying 149 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,040 to depict the meaning of Fuji, not the literal mountain, 150 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,760 it definitely doesn't do that. 151 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:04,720 Should we have a reveal? 152 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:07,240 I'll say it now, sumimasen, there it is. 153 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,320 I would actually give up everything 154 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:16,240 I imagine that I can do, like playing the piano 155 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,640 or making things out of wood or reassembling lawn mowers 156 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,480 or whatever, just to be good at that. 157 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,360 Yours has life. 158 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:25,640 That is life and that means that's truth, 159 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,280 and that's precious. 160 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:29,760 And if I could do that, I would stop doing everything else 161 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,440 and just record the rest of my life, 162 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,120 not even in words, just in little images 163 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:34,720 that I'd then give away to people, 164 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,320 and then die. 165 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:39,080 I'd be very happy with that. 166 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:42,760 JAMES: What? 167 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,080 Well, buses are part of life, but what we're doing here 168 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,760 is cutting through all that and saying, "Here is Fuji, 169 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:51,200 the soul of Japan." We think it's a mountain, it's not. 170 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,760 It's merely a manifestation of what this country means, 171 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,520 and we're trying to get-- we will never do it, 172 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,040 but we may get close. 173 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,520 We can aim for it, and aiming for it is a cleansing 174 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:05,040 and soul-satisfying experience, except in my case. 175 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,640 TOM: There was still a bus in the back of the shot, though. 176 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,080 Yeah, but I don't care if there's a bus in the back. 177 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,760 A bus is a part of life, that's what we're fighting against. 178 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,160 I'll put it you this way, if we turn this around the other way, 179 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,440 and I was painting a picture of the bus going past, 180 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,120 would you say, "Oh, well, that's all right, 181 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:19,200 but there's a big mountain in the back of shot?" 182 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:23,480 Well, put it this way, we're creating our own work, 183 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,760 while you are creating your own work at the same time. 184 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:27,640 Yes, but this is art, that's photography-- 185 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:30,640 no disrespect-- but that's a record of what's happening. 186 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:33,880 This is an interpretation of what is being felt in our hearts 187 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,400 -and what it all means. -(woman speaking Japanese) 188 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:38,880 Yes, but to me this film doesn't mean a big Chinese bus. 189 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,280 It's you communing with nature 190 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:42,000 and trying to decipher the mysteries of Japan. 191 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:44,000 I know, but art would have no meaning 192 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:45,600 if it didn't exist in the real world. 193 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,000 If the world was only full of art, 194 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:48,320 it would merely be the world. 195 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:51,040 That's the world, the bus; this is art. 196 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,280 It can only exist next to it. 197 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,320 Yes, but, in which case, why not just paint a picture of a bus? 198 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:57,880 -I'm having an artistic tantrum. -(laughing) 199 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,200 I've had enough of this. 200 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,040 You can take a photograph of the bus. 201 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,680 It's a, it's a manufactured artifact, 202 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,000 it's an elaborate photocopy of an original, 203 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,680 that's what mass-produced items are. 204 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:11,800 Yeah, ramen? 205 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,080 I appreciate that you, the viewers, 206 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,760 don't particularly want to watch me having a big argument 207 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:23,640 with the crew about the meaning of art, 208 00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:25,920 but it is a bit annoying when something has to stop, 209 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:27,600 you know, in the heat of the moment 210 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,760 because "there's a bus in shot." 211 00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:32,960 JAMES: Yes? 212 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,160 But what-- I mean, 213 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,600 did you particularly want the rocks in the film? 214 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:44,920 Nobody ever sits down and watches a series on the telly 215 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,240 and says, "That was great, there were no buses in it." 216 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:52,760 No. (stammers) Leave it in. 217 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,200 Yes. I quit. 218 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:03,920 After a tense lunch during which the word "art" 219 00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,920 was mentioned nine more times, 220 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,120 and I was gently reminded of my contractual obligation 221 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:09,520 to finish the series, 222 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:11,720 we called a truce long enough 223 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:13,240 to travel to the next location... 224 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:18,080 ...which is Hamamatsu. 225 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,160 Hamamatsu is famously the home of 226 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,880 Yamaha, who you will know as manufacturers 227 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:28,920 of the Hari Kari 750 motorcycle, but actually, 228 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:31,920 Yamaha began life in the late 19th century 229 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:34,280 as a maker of musical instruments. 230 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:37,040 It still is a maker of musical instruments-- 231 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,640 the world's biggest, in fact-- so today, 232 00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:43,120 we are off to watch pianos being made. 233 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,240 And it is odd to think that a company 234 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,560 that makes motorcycles actually originally 235 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,240 made musical instruments. 236 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,280 You can see why the technologies are related. 237 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:55,080 There's a lot of metalworking involved, 238 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:58,200 a lot of precision, but, I mean, can you imagine 239 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:01,640 if British Leyland had made a trombone? 240 00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,440 It would have been awful, wouldn't it? 241 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:06,440 ♪ ♪ 242 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:14,320 Almost as awful as if Yamaha branched out into menswear, 243 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,760 like the jacket you're about to see. 244 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,520 This is actually the biggest grand piano factory 245 00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:22,880 -in the world, and produces something like this... -(single note plays) 246 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:26,320 ...every 15 minutes, which I find quite incredible, 247 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:28,920 because I know where all the cars go-- 248 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:30,440 cars are always being thrown away-- 249 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,120 but a piano is, it's not for life. 250 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:34,440 It's usually for several lifetimes. 251 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,000 But anyway, I'm going to meet a Mr. Suzuki. 252 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:39,360 Confusingly, he works for Yamaha, 253 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,920 and he drives a Honda. 254 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,960 (gong clangs) 255 00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,200 -A Mazda? Oh... -Mazda. 256 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:01,920 Sorry, that was wrong. 257 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,040 He-- Mr. Suzuki drives a Mazda, not a Honda. 258 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:05,920 Um, anyway, let's start with a few basics. 259 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,480 This is the iron frame. 260 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:10,680 This is cast just over the road in Yamaha's own foundry. 261 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,600 This is why pianos are so heavy. 262 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,480 I reckon that weighs, at a guess, 263 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,600 about 129 kilograms. 264 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:20,920 The cases of the pianos are also made in a separate factory. 265 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,280 What we're looking at here is final assembly. 266 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,360 This is where all the bits become an instrument 267 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,480 and gain a soul. 268 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,480 And the employees gain vanilla shell suits. 269 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,080 Lucky them. 270 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,280 ♪ ♪ 271 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,640 This is a classic example of what the Japanese do best. 272 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:40,320 Perfectly formed, finely tuned 273 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:43,160 traditional yet modern instruments. 274 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,240 Here are robots driving the tuning pins 275 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:47,360 into the pin block. 276 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,360 That has to be done very, very accurately, 277 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,280 and why not use a machine tool? 278 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,760 It's how Japan reindustrialized itself. 279 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,120 But there are some jobs too precious 280 00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:58,920 to entrust to robots. 281 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,680 So this is stringing. Could I try this? 282 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,200 -It's Elton John's piano? -Yes. 283 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,280 Is it really? 284 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,320 I think that's Japanese for 285 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:15,720 "We have a piano that doesn't really matter" 286 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:17,160 that I can have a go on. 287 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,160 ♪ ♪ 288 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,160 Let's put some strings on. 289 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:31,800 Before I can have a bash myself, 290 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:35,320 I must be formally educated by Yamaha's Sultan of String, 291 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:37,240 Mr. Ogi. 292 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:38,640 Doku Ogi-san. 293 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:43,520 -I don't... -(laughter) 294 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:46,080 I don't want you to poison Mr. Ogi. Ogi... 295 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,440 Okay. 296 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:54,640 While Mr. Suzuki goes to find Mr. Ogi, 297 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:58,040 I feel a movement coming on. 298 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,840 I'm going to play Chopin's "Revolutionary Etude". 299 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:02,880 ♪ ♪ 300 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,920 That is-- That is roughly the "Revolutionary Etude" isn't it? 301 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,360 -(chuckles) -(soft applause) 302 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:24,920 Following this well-received 303 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,560 but entirely imaginary intermezzo, 304 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,560 Mr. Ogi appears, alive and well. 305 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,600 (speaking indistinctly) 306 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,920 But first, I need protection. 307 00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:43,280 Three layers, in fact. 308 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,920 This is to stop me touching 309 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,280 the strings, et cetera, with my filthy, 310 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:50,480 oily layman's fingers. 311 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,160 Moisture is the enemy of these tempered, 312 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:56,240 high-carbon steel strings, one of the many reasons 313 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:57,920 you shouldn't play the piano in the bath. 314 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,840 And this is where the Japanese obsession with detail 315 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:02,520 really comes into play. 316 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:06,360 The string is just appearing on the other side of the peg. 317 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,680 And now we need shi clockwise turns. 318 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,920 I am in hands-on heaven. 319 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:15,000 Every single one of the 230 strings 320 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:18,400 must be hooked over hitch pins at the thin end of the piano, 321 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:20,760 and then tightly and immaculately coiled 322 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:23,560 around tuning pins at the business end. 323 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,520 And it's this painstakingly pedantic process 324 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:30,080 that will create pitch-perfect tension and timbre. 325 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,680 That's what they should look like, 326 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:34,680 but that's what mine look like. 327 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,080 I mean, they're tight, but they're a bit messy. 328 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:40,480 What does Mr. Ogi think? 329 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:43,080 Something tells me my enjoyment of the well-tempered clavier 330 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,520 might lead to a bad-tempered crew. 331 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:48,720 Much as the director's going to hate this, 332 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:50,160 I'm going to do it again. 333 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,000 Sorry, we just don't-- We don't have time. 334 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,160 Well, you've just been buggering about 335 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:54,520 with the camera for half an hour. 336 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:56,080 Yes, I'm afraid we've got to move on to the next scene. 337 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,320 We can't do this again. 338 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:00,760 I will not be able to sleep if I don't do it properly. 339 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,320 -♪ ♪ -(man speaks Japanese) 340 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,760 That's about a half. 341 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,040 -Okay. -Yeah, okay. 342 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:10,040 JAMES: Okay, that's better. 343 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,440 ♪ ♪ 344 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:13,640 Ni. 345 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:20,520 Okay, hidari, migi. 346 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:23,040 I know what they're doing. 347 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,440 Migi hidari. 348 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,920 Yes? 349 00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:41,400 -You rotten bastards. -(laughs) 350 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:47,680 JAMES: Just so you know, that one's much better. 351 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,880 Having strung out the piano stringing scene for so long, 352 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,400 the director only had five minutes to shoot 353 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,960 the rest of the piano creation process. 354 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:03,200 How exciting is that? 355 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,160 That's like the reverse of a crematorium. 356 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:06,560 A piano is born. 357 00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:09,240 ♪ ♪ 358 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:12,560 It's a baby grand. 359 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,920 And, remarkably, 360 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:21,000 Yamaha has one piano that Elton John hasn't reserved. 361 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,720 (speaks Japanese) 362 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:27,560 This is actually going to make me very melancholy 363 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:31,720 because I was quite good at this 30 years ago, 364 00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:34,160 when I was young and optimistic, 365 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:37,320 and I thought it would make me more interesting to girls. 366 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,680 And then I stopped playing the piano, 367 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:42,680 and I put my piano into storage. 368 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,320 And then the next thing I knew, I was a very old man, 369 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,920 and girls didn't find me interesting. 370 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:51,520 But I have recently started attempting 371 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,560 to relearn the piano. 372 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,480 Um... and I've been working on a few things, 373 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,280 like this Beethoven sonata. 374 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:01,320 This is Number 32, uh, the C minor. 375 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:02,760 It's one of the most complicated. 376 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,400 I can't play it all by any means, 377 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,320 but I have started to learn it, so I'll play a bit for you 378 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:11,240 from the beginning. 379 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,280 ♪ ♪ 380 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,480 By the end of the week, I think I'll probably be 381 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:20,800 at the bottom of the first page. 382 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,040 ♪ ♪ 383 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:31,480 First it was painting, then it was music. 384 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:34,560 With artistic differences still creating tension, 385 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,760 the crew attempt to restore some harmony 386 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,520 by offering me an olive branch. 387 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,880 Japan update. Subject: massage. 388 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,400 I have a bad back. 389 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:46,720 I've had it for several days now. 390 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,320 But I've been told it can be sorted out 391 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,320 with a proper Japanese massage. 392 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:51,760 Now, you do have to be quite careful 393 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,240 with this sort of thing, obviously, 394 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:57,400 but this is a pucker Japanese massage... 395 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:58,560 I'm not gonna say "parlor." 396 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,320 Let's say "institution." 397 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,560 It's licensed, and I'm going to have something called Ashiatsu, 398 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,920 a form of foot massage. 399 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:10,560 Presumably administered by a waif-like geisha. 400 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:26,680 WOMAN: Face down, please. 401 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,000 -Face down? -Face down. 402 00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:31,520 I thought it was a foot massage. 403 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,680 (speaks Japanese) 404 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:35,880 Are you doing it? 405 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,560 (woman speaking Japanese) 406 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:43,720 (laughs) 407 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,880 Face down? 408 00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:51,320 So hang on, what's he actually gonna do to me? 409 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:54,400 (gong clangs) 410 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:56,200 Ow! 411 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:01,520 Oh, Jesus, this is agony. 412 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:03,600 God, his hands are hard. 413 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:05,680 Oh, hang on, is that his foot? 414 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:15,600 Well, that's my leg. It's meant to be fairly rigid. 415 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:17,000 Ow! Ow! 416 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,800 Ow! Ow! Actually... 417 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:21,560 something went "clunk" then. 418 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,920 I think that was just my hip dislocating. 419 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,240 (laughter) 420 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,200 Is this really supposed to do me some good-- 421 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,200 -Aah! -(laughs) 422 00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:35,280 He's actually kicking me in the ass now. 423 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,320 -(James grunting) -(quiet laughter) 424 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:40,320 I just want to make this absolutely clear 425 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:41,520 for the viewers, 426 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:44,360 the director and the crew said, 427 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,440 "We know you've got a bad back, 428 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:48,360 "we've arranged a foot massage for you 429 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:49,760 because it'll sort it out." 430 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:53,680 So I thought somebody, like reflexology, 431 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:55,520 would press on the bit of my foot 432 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:57,600 that corresponds with my back. 433 00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:00,320 Oh, Jesus Christ almighty. 434 00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:03,800 Could you tell him I've got very delicate knees? 435 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:05,520 (grunts) 436 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:07,200 Oh, hang on, I've got very delicate bollocks as well. 437 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:08,840 (laughter) 438 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,920 You know how a lot of people go for massages regularly, 439 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,760 and somebody sort of rubs you and puts a CD of whale music on 440 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,360 and puts some smelly oil in a burner thing, 441 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:22,120 and it's really nice. This is none of those things. 442 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,320 He hasn't even dimmed the lights. 443 00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:27,680 (laughter) 444 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:29,160 JAMES: Oh, God. 445 00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,160 JAMES: Yeah, yes, it is! Ah! 446 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,760 Now just to be absolutely clear, viewers, 447 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:44,680 that whole foot massage 448 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:48,160 debacle was an elaborate trick by the film crew, 449 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:49,760 not something of my choosing. 450 00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:53,560 Although, I have to say, this is the next morning, 451 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,520 it has done me some good. 452 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,120 I'm about half an inch taller 453 00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:00,520 because my spine is snapped. 454 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,840 Next, I'm taking my extra half inch to Kyoto. 455 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:11,400 In contrast to other major Japanese cities, 456 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,360 this former capital was largely spared 457 00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,760 from American bombing during World War II. 458 00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,080 As a result, you can't walk five paces 459 00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:24,920 without tripping over ancient temples 460 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:26,760 and hallowed shrines. 461 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,800 So where better to experience some high-class 462 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:30,440 Japanese entertainment? 463 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:36,400 I'm now off to spend several very pleasant hours 464 00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:39,200 being entertained by a geisha, 465 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:40,600 and before you jump to conclusions, 466 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,720 that's not what you think. 467 00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:45,160 There is a rather bad misconception in the West 468 00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:47,400 about geishas, which is that they are some sort of 469 00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,200 high-class call girl, 470 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,720 but nothing can be further from the truth, to be honest. 471 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:55,200 The word "geisha" comes from two kanji symbols 472 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:58,920 that mean "art" and "performer." 473 00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:02,720 You go to see a geisha because you wish to be entertained. 474 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:04,520 That's all there is to it. 475 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,360 I am going to 476 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:09,920 a music and dance event with tea. 477 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,800 Sounds perfect. I might take some biscuits. 478 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:15,840 (gong clangs) 479 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,040 JAMES: Geishas like Tomitsuya here 480 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:24,600 have been Japan's top entertainers 481 00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:26,600 since the 17th century. 482 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:30,320 And I must say, she looks pretty good for a 400-year-old. 483 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,520 And as I sit here in considerable discomfort 484 00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:40,120 during the traditional tea ceremony, 485 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,600 I wonder if this longevity is something to do 486 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:45,040 with how long it takes to make a cuppa. 487 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:46,480 And bow. 488 00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,840 -Oh, bow. -Thank you. (giggles) 489 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:51,760 And pick up your bowl with right hand, 490 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,760 and please start drinking. Yes. 491 00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:59,120 That's quite nice. 492 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:01,080 Are you going to drink it as well? 493 00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:03,160 -No. -Why is that? 494 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,640 Because I am the host of tea ceremony, 495 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:07,680 -and you are the guest. -Oh. 496 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:09,800 Um. (giggles) 497 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,880 JAMES: Perhaps now's not the time for an Anglo-Japanese 498 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:14,080 teatime culture swap. 499 00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:16,120 (mouths) 500 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:19,240 (whispers): Get rid of those. 501 00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:23,160 Next on the bill: dance. 502 00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,480 (music and singing in Japanese) 503 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:32,920 Traditional Japanese dances 504 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:35,920 enact the meaning of the lyrics in the song, 505 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,920 which are usually based on the seasons. 506 00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:40,880 This little number is called "Spring Rain," 507 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,120 during which the fan is used to symbolize 508 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:47,120 many different things, such as an umbrella, a mirror, 509 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:50,000 or the tail section of a Boeing-Stearman crop duster. 510 00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:59,840 -(clapping) -Fantastic. 511 00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:02,440 Next, apparently, it's music. This is excellent, really. 512 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:04,760 It's like Wednesday afternoons at school when I was a lad. 513 00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:06,760 You did a bit of this, a bit of that. 514 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:08,800 (playing music) 515 00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:21,440 JAMES: To become a geisha, you must master 516 00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:22,920 many different art forms, 517 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,600 including making polite and witty conversation, 518 00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:29,400 calligraphy and underwater arc welding. 519 00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:31,640 (singing and music continues) 520 00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:36,160 (laughs) Did you like the song? 521 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,160 Thank you. 522 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,440 JAMES: That's a shamisen. It's like a cross between 523 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:43,360 a lute and a banjo, but only has three strings. 524 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,160 -Made out of silk. -Silk? 525 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:49,880 Silk. And skin is kitten. 526 00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:51,360 -(laughs) -Not seriously? 527 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:54,920 -It is from cat. (giggles) -Oh. 528 00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:56,720 I like cats. 529 00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:58,480 Me, too. (laughs) 530 00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:00,680 -But you make musical instruments out of them. -Aww... 531 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:02,520 (laughing) 532 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,880 -It goes here... -And this used to be a cat? 533 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:09,360 The shamisen has its origins in China, 534 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:13,160 but rose to popularity in Japan about 500 years ago, 535 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,800 coincidentally around the time people's pets 536 00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:17,280 started disappearing. 537 00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:21,760 -Is this rubbish? -(laughs) 538 00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:24,960 You are much better than when I started. (laughing) 539 00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:28,840 I'm very honest. (laughs) 540 00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:33,480 -I enjoyed that, thank you. -Thank you. (laughs) 541 00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:35,480 -Thank you very much. -(speaks Japanese) 542 00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,200 It's been a very nice afternoon. 543 00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:38,560 -Very cultural. -Thank you. (giggles) 544 00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:39,840 It's exactly what I came here for. 545 00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:41,280 (speaks Japanese) 546 00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:43,320 Arigato gozaimasu. 547 00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:46,920 JAMES: As a parting gift, Tomitsuya gave me a CD 548 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,920 of her greatest hits for the onward journey. 549 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,440 I may have made the translation up. 550 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:54,960 (singing and playing music) 551 00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:09,920 I was actually thinking for a moment 552 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:12,120 that maybe I should learn to play the shamisen, 553 00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:14,440 but I don't want to play a musical instrument 554 00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,440 made out of a cat, because I like cats, 555 00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,040 and Sean on camera says, 556 00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:20,240 "Well, when your cat dies, why not have it made into 557 00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:21,920 something useful like a musical instrument?" 558 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:25,320 But that's a bit like making a sports bag out of your grandpa. 559 00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:28,160 Now, viewers, I have here 560 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,320 Tomitsuya's business card, if you like. 561 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,760 So anytime I'm in Kyoto from now on, 562 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,320 I can phone up and arrange for some 563 00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:39,000 shamisen music and a spot of dancing for relaxation. 564 00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:41,200 And I will. 565 00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:44,280 I'm a little bit in love with her, if I'm honest. 566 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,120 Although that's not the point. 567 00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:50,360 Bereft, I set about driving the streets of Kyoto, 568 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:52,360 mourning the now-gaping hole 569 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:56,160 in my life left behind by Tomitsuya. 570 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:57,600 So I decided to fill it with a scene 571 00:29:57,640 --> 00:29:59,760 about exquisite Japanese joinery. 572 00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,320 Oh. Oh. 573 00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:05,120 Sorry, I've become slightly flushed. 574 00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,080 Which the lawyers deemed too explicit to show. 575 00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:09,960 The wood would have to wait. 576 00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:13,000 (gong clangs) 577 00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:18,360 I decided that I'd like to go on a tour of Kyoto's 578 00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:20,160 historic shrines and temples. 579 00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,040 And of course, you can get a guided tour. 580 00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:24,120 You can follow someone with a sign on a stick, 581 00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:26,440 along with some Americans in funny trousers. 582 00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:31,040 But instead, I've decided to go for RoBoHon, 583 00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:35,640 your digital, experimental, futuristic tour guide. 584 00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:38,280 ♪ ♪ 585 00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:40,160 RoBoHon, currently only available in Japan, 586 00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:44,920 is described by its makers as the future of robotics. 587 00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:46,600 They're packed with cutting-edge tech: 588 00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:49,520 smartphone, HD projector, 589 00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:52,240 and, most relevant to us, 590 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,680 can give automatic tour guide information 591 00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:55,920 based on your location. 592 00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:58,840 Welcome then, to the future. 593 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:00,240 So all I have to do now 594 00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:02,120 is press him on the top of the head, 595 00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:03,920 and the action will begin. 596 00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:21,200 Pardon? Oh. Hang on a minute, RoBoHon. 597 00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:24,240 I have to get my children's TV presenter glasses out. 598 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:25,760 I'm just going to put you down. 599 00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:29,160 Don't be alarmed. 600 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:32,520 What shall I call myself for the purposes of this? 601 00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:35,480 Nickname. Jim. 602 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:36,680 No, I've done that wrong. 603 00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:38,160 TOM: You've written your name wrong? 604 00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:41,600 Oh, no, I've written "Bim." 605 00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:45,280 Oh, no, I'm-- (chuckles) 606 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:47,800 There you are. 607 00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:49,640 I'm Bim. 608 00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:53,200 And so it begins. 609 00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,120 Bim and RoBoHon's excellent adventure. 610 00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:59,880 The latter with his wealth of GPS-activated local knowledge, 611 00:31:59,920 --> 00:32:03,520 the former with his inability to spell his own name. 612 00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:07,240 What? 613 00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:13,160 Wow. 614 00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:21,520 Yes, it is. 615 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:23,440 That's not-- (chuckling): Not really an amazing fact. 616 00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:25,560 I've had a watch since I was three, you idiot. 617 00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:26,800 (chuckling) 618 00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:31,000 I'm starting to have reservations 619 00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:33,760 about RoBoHon's tour guide credentials. 620 00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,280 Where are we going? 621 00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:42,480 Are you awake? 622 00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:47,160 No. 623 00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:49,640 If this actually makes it into the program... 624 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:51,560 (laughing): I'll know we were really desperate. 625 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:56,040 After turning him off and on again several times, 626 00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:58,520 RoBoHon finally finds something he wants to talk about. 627 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:03,200 What? 628 00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:13,840 And what's that? 629 00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:18,840 What? 630 00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:27,880 You just said that, you digital (bleep). 631 00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:31,480 As we approach our first stop, RoBoHon has clearly taken 632 00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:33,440 my constructive criticism on board. 633 00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:37,280 What? 634 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:48,520 Did you know, I knew that. 635 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:50,120 I've heard it somewhere before. 636 00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:54,360 Clearly a buff on bridges... 637 00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:55,560 There it is! 638 00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:58,800 ...RoBoHon's less sure on temples and shrines. 639 00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:01,920 Disappointing, considering there are 640 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,680 over 2,000 of them in Kyoto, 641 00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:07,120 and they're kind of the reason I came. 642 00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:08,320 Okay. Back to the car. 643 00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:10,040 We're going back to the car, RoBoHon. 644 00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:11,440 (high-pitched): Yes, okay. 645 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,520 It's down the steps through the red gate. 646 00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:15,040 (regular pitch): Okay. 647 00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:16,320 I never thought I'd say it, 648 00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:18,000 but I'm starting to miss Yujiro. 649 00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:20,000 ♪ ♪ 650 00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:25,160 RoBoHon, tell me something interesting. 651 00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:26,560 But not the bit about the bridge 652 00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,600 or I'll throw you out the (bleep) window. 653 00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:30,160 (chuckles) 654 00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:38,160 Google would at least say "Did you mean Jim?" 655 00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:40,160 (chuckling): But not RoBoHon. 656 00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:41,840 "Hey, Bim." 657 00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:44,160 (laughter) 658 00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:50,520 (laughter) 659 00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:55,520 ♪ ♪ 660 00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:58,160 Ah, the suspense is killing me, 661 00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:00,640 waiting for RoBoHon to tell me something interesting. 662 00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:05,000 Having seen the film Lost in Translation, 663 00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:07,400 I do know that this particular Zen Buddhist temple 664 00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:09,880 called Nanzen-ji, is where Scarlett Johansson 665 00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:13,640 once wafted around in wistful solitude. 666 00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:15,160 At least someone had the right idea. 667 00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:19,600 What? 668 00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,040 Is it? 669 00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:33,000 I think one of the other tourists 670 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:34,600 dropped him on his head. 671 00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:37,640 (laughter) 672 00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:42,640 It's the... (laughs) 673 00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,440 I can see people thinking, "Why has that grown man 674 00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:46,840 "got a plastic doll 675 00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:49,640 (laughing): hanging round his neck?" 676 00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:56,000 (laughter continues) 677 00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,280 You've probably realized by now that if you want 678 00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:07,920 to learn about Kyoto, 679 00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:10,080 you'll just have to look it up yourself. 680 00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:13,560 Unless of course, you'd like to know that Shijo-Ohashi 681 00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:15,680 is a bridge representative of Kyoto that crosses 682 00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:18,920 the Kamo River over Shiju Street. 683 00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:21,440 It's also called Gion Bashi. 684 00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:26,120 Yes. 685 00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:30,920 -(laughing) -Tell me how was it? 686 00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:47,880 Hello, viewers, Bim here. 687 00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:49,840 Now, do not be alarmed. I know it looks as though 688 00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:52,440 James May's Land Cruiser has been put through 689 00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:55,880 a face swap app, but it hasn't. 690 00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:59,160 I've actually swapped it temporarily for a Daihatsu Move, 691 00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:03,600 and a Daihatsu Move is a keijidosha, a kei car. 692 00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:06,600 ♪ ♪ 693 00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:12,360 This piece of Tupperware on wheels is a by-product 694 00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:13,920 of a postwar government initiative, 695 00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:18,000 encouraging the manufacture of cars that are cheap, 696 00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:19,880 can fit into tiny urban parking slots 697 00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:23,360 and most importantly, look silly. 698 00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:28,200 Although the kei car is rooted in pragmatism 699 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:29,760 and economy and everything else 700 00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:31,920 that characterized postwar Japan, 701 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:35,160 it was inevitable that eventually somebody would say, 702 00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:37,160 "Well, what if we race them?" 703 00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:40,120 Well, what if we do? Let's find out. 704 00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:47,520 Feel that go! 705 00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:49,080 And through the magic of editing, 706 00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:50,360 I'm at Suzuka, 707 00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:53,280 the home of Japanese F1 racing. 708 00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:56,040 But don't expect to see 709 00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:59,520 any of your Rosburgs or Raikkonens today. 710 00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:01,200 This is far more specialist. 711 00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,920 Just remember that many greats have raced here, admittedly 712 00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:05,800 not in a car like this, but... 713 00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:07,200 Hold onto your handbrakes... 714 00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:09,840 ...it's the Honda Keijidosha 715 00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:13,120 N-One single-make owner's cup championship. 716 00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:17,080 As the old beast Land Cruiser struggles 717 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:18,920 to stay on the circuit. 718 00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:20,880 Look at that. 719 00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:22,920 It's fantastic. 720 00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:26,800 Now if I could just slip into my other TV job 721 00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:28,880 for a moment, I'm here to tell you 722 00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:32,640 that, good though Honda's NSX supercar is, 723 00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:36,560 the N-One puts the "K" in "okay." 724 00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:38,320 There you go, you only need 725 00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:40,640 660CC to campaign 726 00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:42,840 one of the world's great race circuits. 727 00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:44,560 Hang on a minute, I think I just spotted something 728 00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:46,120 on the track back there 729 00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:49,120 that besmirches Japan's famed fastidiousness. 730 00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:51,040 I think I might have a job. 731 00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:53,080 (sweeping) 732 00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:59,160 Look. 733 00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:01,560 Rubber. 734 00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:03,840 This is one of the most beautifully designed, 735 00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:05,440 best equipped race circuits in the world, 736 00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:07,160 but you're expected to sweep the whole thing 737 00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:09,640 with something from Bedknobs and Broomsticks. 738 00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:11,880 It is just a load of twigs. 739 00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:15,760 (high-pitched voice): Hey, Bim, guess what? 740 00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:19,160 There's another 3.2 miles to go. 741 00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:22,360 Now, while I finish up here, I should probably explain 742 00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:24,000 about the race, 743 00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:25,800 and it really doesn't get more even than this. 744 00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:29,360 Same Honda N-One. 745 00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:32,160 Same maximum speed of 97 miles an hour. 746 00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:34,480 The only difference is the skill of the drivers 747 00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:36,640 and how much they had for breakfast. 748 00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:39,480 While the teams get their 749 00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:42,560 pre-race Zen on, I'm given another job, 750 00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:44,920 relaying this electric atmosphere to the wider world 751 00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:48,480 as Suzuka's newest reporter. 752 00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:51,880 This is something you simply won't see outside of Japan 753 00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:55,600 because the cars simply don't exist outside of Japan. 754 00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:59,120 Each one is raced by an enthusiastic amateur owner. 755 00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:03,320 The unmodified engine develops a neck-snapping 63 horsepower. 756 00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:07,520 Get ready for some proper wheel-to-wheel racing action. 757 00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:13,440 It's time for Suzuka's newest reporter 758 00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,080 to hit the grid to interview all of today's 759 00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:19,640 48 kei car competitors. 760 00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:22,320 Oh, hello. 761 00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:29,920 That's a rather nice 762 00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:33,680 Yoshimura Suzuki Motul GSX R1000. 763 00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:36,640 I mean, I've watched countless videos on YouTube, 764 00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:38,480 I've even got a poster in my garage, 765 00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:41,640 but never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be able to... 766 00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:44,640 Time to get back down to the grid to interview 767 00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:46,640 one of today's kei car competitors. 768 00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:48,800 Konnichiwa. 769 00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:52,560 Do you speak any English? A little. Excellent. 770 00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:54,160 How do you rate your chances today? 771 00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:55,440 Yeah, uh, I... 772 00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:00,200 -Okay. -Sorry. 773 00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:02,840 Well, very good luck, I'll be looking out for you. 774 00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:04,120 Don't forget to shut the window. 775 00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:08,640 After that blistering insight into the intricacies 776 00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,200 of kei car race tactics, 777 00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:13,560 we now cross over live to Suzuka's newest commentator. 778 00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:15,440 Over to you, Bim. 779 00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:21,120 And they're off! 780 00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:26,160 Our man, 390, 781 00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:28,640 is in second place already, where he started. 782 00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:32,800 And there they go! 783 00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:36,840 Our man's just taken the lead. 784 00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:38,360 He's moved into first place. 785 00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:43,560 It does look a little bit like the traffic in Tokyo, 786 00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:47,000 a line of kei cars not going terribly quickly. 787 00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:51,680 And our man is still in the lead. 788 00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:55,000 Anything could happen, 789 00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:56,840 but I bet it doesn't. 790 00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:58,760 I spoke too soon. In a dramatic turn of events, 791 00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:01,600 our man slips back to seventh place 792 00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:04,160 after doing a full 180-degree spin. 793 00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:05,640 ♪ ♪ 794 00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:07,960 That's a lie. He's still in the lead. 795 00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:10,640 As is the case 796 00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:12,680 with most motor racing events, 797 00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:14,120 bugger all happens. 798 00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:16,600 Perhaps it's time for a haiku. 799 00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:17,640 (clears throat) 800 00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:20,080 Kei car, oh, kei car, 801 00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:22,280 why are you so damn slow, car? 802 00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:24,000 God, I want that bike. 803 00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:29,280 Here they come! 804 00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:32,160 It's our man! 805 00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:34,080 Our man wins! 806 00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:36,760 (honking high-pitched horn) 807 00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:40,000 These drivers come from far and wide to compete 808 00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:42,160 for arguably the most sought-after prize 809 00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,640 in the racing world. 810 00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:46,880 What is the prize for winning 811 00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:48,480 the N-One Championship? 812 00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:58,040 And, a bottle of...? 813 00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:00,280 -Bottle of apple juice. -Yes. 814 00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:01,480 Well, that's really, really good. 815 00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:02,560 -It was great to watch. -Fantastic. 816 00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:03,560 -Yeah. -Really excellent race. 817 00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:05,200 Best race I've seen for ages. 818 00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:07,760 ♪ ♪ 819 00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:10,200 But there's no time to revel in an orgy 820 00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:13,040 of meat and, um, apple juice, as I've somewhere else to be. 821 00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:16,320 Namely, Japan's oldest purpose built martial arts center, 822 00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:18,320 the Kyoto Budo, 823 00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:20,520 where people flock from all across the globe 824 00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:22,760 to learn aikido. 825 00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:25,600 This is not just a load of flouncing about 826 00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:27,160 to kung fu film sound effects. 827 00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:28,880 It's a lot more esoteric than that. 828 00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:30,480 In fact, I have some information here 829 00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:32,840 from the American Association of Aikido, 830 00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:34,640 and it says: 831 00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:37,360 "Aikido is not only a means of vanquishing a foe..." 832 00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:39,000 (martial arts shouts) 833 00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:41,280 "...it's a means of promoting the positive character 834 00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:43,000 of the ideal warrior..." 835 00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:44,080 (shouts) 836 00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:45,640 "...and ultimately of transcending 837 00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:47,240 dualistic conflict." 838 00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:48,440 (shouts) 839 00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:50,760 "Aikido is a comprehensive system of throwing, 840 00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:54,240 joint-locking, striking, and pinning techniques." 841 00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:55,920 (shouting) 842 00:43:57,400 --> 00:43:59,600 Sounds like I'm gonna get my head kicked in. 843 00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:01,840 (martial arts shouting) 844 00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:05,440 (shouting continues) 845 00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:11,680 But actually, I may be wrong 846 00:44:11,720 --> 00:44:13,720 about that. 847 00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:15,120 Aikido seems to be more 848 00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:17,920 like a version of Japanese line dancing 849 00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:19,640 with some shouting, 850 00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:23,280 and you do it wearing pajamas. 851 00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:33,680 There's even a scale model of a woman 852 00:44:33,720 --> 00:44:35,000 to direct the choreography. 853 00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:44,000 Ah. 854 00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:52,400 Wow. Well, I think the moral of that is, if you're gonna attack 855 00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:54,480 a small Japanese woman in a pub with your mates, 856 00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:56,240 make sure you know how to fall properly. 857 00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:02,840 It turns out this is Sensei Kataowka-Aoi, 858 00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:05,240 beater-upperer of hundreds of Western gaijin, 859 00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:08,480 especially if they pronounce her name wrongly. 860 00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:10,320 Sh-She'll be gentle to you. 861 00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:12,320 Right. That's very reassuring. 862 00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:14,160 She has to turn me into 863 00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:17,560 a martial arts action hero in a matter of on-screen minutes. 864 00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:31,720 So if I come at you... 865 00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:34,960 The Force, it seems, is strong with this one. 866 00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:40,200 Okay. 867 00:45:42,240 --> 00:45:44,280 For the second time this episode, 868 00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:46,120 I'm floored by a girl. 869 00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:48,080 That was all locked all the way through there. 870 00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:57,080 Is it-- I-I hate to do that. 871 00:45:57,120 --> 00:45:58,600 No, I got it wrong. Hang on. 872 00:46:00,240 --> 00:46:01,400 (grunts) 873 00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:03,920 It's that... that. 874 00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:10,880 (speaking indistinctly) 875 00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:12,720 (grunts) 876 00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:15,640 (chuckles) 877 00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:17,040 Well, I'm just staggered. 878 00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:19,400 She only weighs about four stone. 879 00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:22,040 She's whoopin' my ass. 880 00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:25,720 Now, it should be noted that aikido 881 00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:27,920 is a very Japanese martial art. 882 00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:29,720 It is not kung fu, 883 00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:33,760 which is a term covering a number of Chinese martial arts. 884 00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:35,840 Unfortunately, by the time we told our edit team this, 885 00:46:35,880 --> 00:46:37,680 they'd already excitedly looked out 886 00:46:37,720 --> 00:46:41,280 a load of chop-socky '70s kung fu sound effects. 887 00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:46,120 For what follows, sumimasen-- or whatever they say in China. 888 00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:48,160 ♪ ♪ 889 00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:52,640 (grunting) 890 00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:55,680 (grunting, blows striking, hands whooshing through air) 891 00:46:57,360 --> 00:46:59,120 Yeah! 892 00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:02,520 ROBOHON: Bim, guess what? 893 00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:05,720 (yelling, grunting, blows striking) 894 00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:07,080 Waah! 895 00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:22,000 (applause) 896 00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:25,800 -(indistinct talking) -Thank you. 897 00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:28,320 Now, I know we were taking the mick out of that a bit 898 00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:32,200 with our '70s kung fu fantasy, but in all seriousness, 899 00:47:32,240 --> 00:47:34,080 if you did that for 15 minutes every day, 900 00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:37,320 you would be like the willow of the Japanese proverb. 901 00:47:37,360 --> 00:47:39,680 And while we're on Japanese proverbs, another one says: 902 00:47:39,720 --> 00:47:42,520 "It is better to bow than to break." 903 00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:45,760 That's lunch, director, 904 00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:47,920 or I'll bust one of your arms. 905 00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:50,640 ♪ ♪ 906 00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:52,840 If you've just tuned in, which would be odd 907 00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:54,560 given this is a streaming service, 908 00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:56,040 here's what you've missed. 909 00:47:56,080 --> 00:47:58,520 I'm having an artistic tantrum. I've had enough of this. 910 00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:01,280 Jesus Christ almighty! Aah! 911 00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:03,080 And this used to be a cat? 912 00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:04,480 Bim, guess what? 913 00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:08,280 (laughing) 914 00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:09,920 Plus something you didn't, because the lawyers 915 00:48:09,960 --> 00:48:11,480 advised us to cut it out. 916 00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:13,560 You're not meant to eat the sweets on display. 917 00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:15,040 You'll have to buy that one, then. 918 00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:17,320 Well, I will buy. It's only... 919 00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:19,040 Holy shit. 920 00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:20,920 ♪ ♪ 921 00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:23,880 Anyway, with three minutes still left to fill, 922 00:48:23,920 --> 00:48:26,360 and our haiku quota unmet, 923 00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:29,800 the crew have shoved me into a bamboo forest on my own 924 00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:31,000 with the direction, 925 00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:32,400 "Just get on with it." 926 00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:34,440 ♪ ♪ 927 00:48:38,720 --> 00:48:40,280 Ah, hello, viewers. 928 00:48:40,320 --> 00:48:43,600 You join me in the bamboo forest just outside Kyoto. 929 00:48:43,640 --> 00:48:46,200 And it's quite interesting, this, because we've arrived 930 00:48:46,240 --> 00:48:48,840 at the end of program four out of six, 931 00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:52,000 in which we're trying to divine the meaning of Japan 932 00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:53,480 and everything Japanese. 933 00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:56,560 But actually, the answer, just as it was 42 934 00:48:56,600 --> 00:49:00,280 in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, is... bamboo. 935 00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:02,320 ♪ ♪ 936 00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:06,600 Because the Japanese can do 937 00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:07,920 pretty much everything with bamboo. 938 00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:09,920 They can eat the shoots. 939 00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:11,840 They can make the scaffolding for buildings. 940 00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:13,240 They can make buildings themselves. 941 00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:14,480 They can make furniture. 942 00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:15,680 They can make shoes. 943 00:49:15,720 --> 00:49:17,440 They can make a bamboo hat. 944 00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:20,240 Everything they can make out of bamboo. 945 00:49:20,280 --> 00:49:22,200 Well, they can't make a CD player out of bamboo, 946 00:49:22,240 --> 00:49:23,800 obviously, but you know what I mean. 947 00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:26,200 The Japanese say that if there's an earthquake, 948 00:49:26,240 --> 00:49:28,440 you should run into the bamboo forest, 949 00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:31,240 because the roots make the ground so stable 950 00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:34,640 that it isn't going to split apart and swallow you up. 951 00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:37,840 In fact, they even have a word for this effect, 952 00:49:37,880 --> 00:49:41,520 the way the sun shines through a bamboo forest specifically 953 00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:44,720 and makes this dappled-light effect on the ground. 954 00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:47,320 That's called komorebi. 955 00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:52,920 Anyway, I thought I'd celebrate this rather marvelous moment 956 00:49:52,960 --> 00:49:55,480 with a haiku of my own. 957 00:49:55,520 --> 00:49:58,000 Oh, the old bamboo, 958 00:49:58,040 --> 00:50:00,040 a song in Chitty Chitty 959 00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:02,040 Bang Bang that was crap. 960 00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:04,120 See you next time. 961 00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:06,560 ♪ ♪ 962 00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:38,960 Peach blossoms are so beautiful, aren't they, Bim?