1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,160 JAMES: Right... a boat scene. Cue the music! 2 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:11,720 (Hawaii Five-O theme playing) 3 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:13,640 Oh, come on, we can do better than that. 4 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:17,880 -("My Heart Will Go On" playing) -No... 5 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:20,160 -("Pirates of the Caribbean Theme" playing) -No... 6 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:23,360 -(Irish dance music playing) -No... 7 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:26,480 ♪ I'm on a boat and, it's goin' fast and... ♪ 8 00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,720 I don't know what that is. 9 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:31,560 Hello, viewers, you join me in the Pacific. 10 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:34,160 Not the HBO series, the actual ocean. 11 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:37,840 We're heading over there to Japan's third largest city: 12 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:39,840 Osaka. 13 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:43,400 My high-brow sociopolitical essay on Japan 14 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:46,280 has so far seen me travel 1,000 miles 15 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:48,800 -to fall off a sled... -(grunts) 16 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:52,040 And be crushed under the weight of a gigantic penis. 17 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:53,960 I'm dying. Ow! 18 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:55,920 Last time, in Kyoto, 19 00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,480 I got lost in translation... 20 00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:59,560 Bim, guess what? 21 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,760 You just said that, you digital (bleep)! 22 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:03,000 Lost my rag at Mount Fuji... 23 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:06,160 I'm having an artistic tantrum. I've had enough of this! 24 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,480 -(grunts) -And lost all feeling in my buttocks 25 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,520 for the following three days. 26 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:16,280 This time... this. 27 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,120 (laughter) 28 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:20,160 (with Japanese accent): I am Ultraman! 29 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,200 YUJIRO: Whoa! Whoa! 30 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:24,560 (James laughing) 31 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:27,600 ♪ ♪ 32 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:46,760 JAMES: My new Japanese mates tell me that Japanese people 33 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:50,040 in the other cities of Japan-- I mean Tokyo, obviously-- 34 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:52,600 tend to look down their noses at the people of Osaka, 35 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:54,680 and they think they are a bit rude, 36 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,680 and a bit rough-and-ready; a bit vulgar, even. 37 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:00,040 Osaka has a reputation 38 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:02,600 for being a bit grubbier than Tokyo. 39 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,560 It has a bit more crime, a bit more litter. 40 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,640 I like the sound of it already. 41 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:13,560 Osaka's a busy industrial port city 42 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,600 that's known as the Manchester of the East. 43 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,440 It's got swagger, a mad-fer-it nightlife, 44 00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:21,160 and I can't understand what anyone's saying. 45 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,880 To experience downtown Osaka properly, 46 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:27,160 and to get a bit to eat because I've been at sea for days, 47 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:30,680 I'm meeting my local guide, Ha-Chan, to get a short tour. 48 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,360 -Hello (chuckles). -James-san. 49 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,840 -My name is Ha-Chandas, nice to meet you. -And you. 50 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:38,440 -Welcome to Osaka, Japan, thank you. -Thank you very, very much. 51 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:42,120 I know your name before. I very appreciate film together, 52 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:43,760 -thank you so much. -No-no, thank you. 53 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,880 -(chuckling): Okay! -It's a pleasure to meet you. 54 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,080 -Me, too. -I'm starving. 55 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:50,440 Oh... (speaks Japanese) Okay. 56 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,240 -Can we eat? -Sure. 57 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:54,600 -Sashimi and beer. -Sure. Let's go. 58 00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:56,280 JAMES: And then, noodles. 59 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:58,360 (gong clangs) 60 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,520 (Japanese pop song playing) 61 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:06,720 JAMES: Ha-Chan's taking me around the bright and bonkers district 62 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:09,800 of Dotonbori to experience the sights, 63 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,800 sounds, and squid. 64 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,240 All right, octopus. 65 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,680 See, I love that this is all-- everything's sort of 66 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,040 -got colors and designs over it. -Yeah, this is-- 67 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:19,440 -uh, designs. -Rockets. 68 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:21,760 See, look at that lantern, I love that. 69 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:23,200 So y-you're from Osaka? 70 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:25,520 Yes, 100% Osaka. 71 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:28,280 -100% Osakan okonomiyaki person. -(laughs) 72 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:29,800 Yeah, takoyaki. 73 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:33,120 So what-- Why do people in Tokyo sort of-- They look down 74 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,720 -on Osaka a bit and think it's a bit... -Mmm... 75 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:39,400 -it's a bit below them, don't they? -I don't know why. 76 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:40,760 (giggling): I don't know. Do you know? 77 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,760 Is it because this is-- I wonder if it's 'cause 78 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:45,400 -this is a good time city. -Mm-hmm. 79 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,480 This actually feels a bit like Tokyo did 20 years ago. 80 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,720 -Uh-huh. -It's a bit more... mad. 81 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,320 I mean, what's that dragon for there? 82 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:55,200 -HA-CHAN: This is a ramen restaurant. -JAMES: It's a whatta? 83 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:57,440 -Ramen. Restaurant. -Ramen. 84 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,360 Ramen hangover food. 85 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,080 And what do they eat in Tokyo for hangovers? 86 00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:21,760 JAMES: Osaka has a proud reputation as the street food capital 87 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:25,040 of Japan, and everywhere I look, 88 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,480 there are mouthwatering local delicacies. 89 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:29,440 Unfortunately, Ha-Chan seems to have forgotten 90 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,880 that bit of our chat, and keeps pointing out things 91 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,440 that are completely inedible. 92 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:36,520 Uh, James, stop here. Look down. 93 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:38,000 JAMES: That's very nice. 94 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,680 HA-CHAN: Do you know what this looks like? 95 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,240 JAMES: It's a pagoda. 96 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,720 -Osaka Castle. -Oh, that's Osaka Castle? 97 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:46,120 This is a very famous place. 98 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,080 -This is a manhole cover. -Oh, wow. 99 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:51,760 HA-CHAN: You see? 100 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,200 JAMES: Do you actually have that 101 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,240 -all the time in your bag? -(chuckling): Yes. 102 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:56,440 -You do? -Mm-hmm. 103 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:03,200 JAMES: I manage to steer Ha-Chan away from an engrossing tour 104 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:04,680 of Osaka's top 30 manhole covers. 105 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,640 But even I get distracted by the bright lights and sounds 106 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,440 of what's round the corner. 107 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:10,800 Oh, is that pachinko? 108 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:14,120 Yeah, this is the very famous Japanese pachinko. 109 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,360 JAMES: Okay, lead on. 110 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,720 Let's go. 111 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:21,080 JAMES: I do have some sisters somewhere. 112 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,800 -Let's go! -JAMES: Coming! I'm coming. 113 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:28,200 Pachinko is one of Japan's favorite games. 114 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,240 It's like the bastard child of a one-armed bandit 115 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:33,080 and bagatelle. And even though gambling's 116 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:35,680 officially pretty much illegal in Japan, 117 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:37,920 there are around 10,000 of these pachinko parlors 118 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,000 across the country, taking care to skirt 119 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:43,680 just on the right side of the law. 120 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,800 This looks very, very complicated, and it is. 121 00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,200 Balls come out of it, and you fire them into a slot; 122 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:50,800 it's a bit like a fruit machine, come on the screen... 123 00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:52,640 HA-CHAN: Okay? 124 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,040 -JAMES: Uh, right. -Again. 125 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:56,760 Oh! Look, the balls are coming! 126 00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,080 Ooh! 127 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,600 -JAMES: I got one! -(chuckles) Lucky! 128 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:03,240 Yeah, I got another one! There you go! 129 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,400 -Yes! -(giggles) 130 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,920 The name "pachinko" comes from the noise 131 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,160 the tiny balls make when you play. 132 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,000 You might just be able to hear it. 133 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,120 Can you hear what I'm saying? The racket here is incredible. 134 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:20,400 The sound man, Dan, just told me that the noise in here 135 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,920 is louder than the pit lane at Suzuka. 136 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,760 It's louder than motorcycle racing. 137 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,080 Oh... no, yes! 138 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:29,640 -Yes! -(Ha-Chan laughing) 139 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:30,640 No! 140 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:32,600 So I've used up all my balls, 141 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:34,160 so I've won nothing. 142 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:37,440 -But Ha-Chan has got 14 points. -Yes. 143 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,880 -It's 14-nil. -(laughs) 144 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,000 -So you've got 14 balls in there. -Yes, yes. 145 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:46,360 JAMES: Japan spends $200 billion a year 146 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:47,760 playing pachinko. 147 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,440 That's twice the value of their entire 148 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:51,840 export car industry. 149 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:54,080 And just taking a look at the prizes on offer, 150 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:57,120 you can easily see where all that money goes. 151 00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:00,760 2,000 yen gone in about... seven minutes. 152 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:04,200 That's... well, it's about $20.00 in American money. 153 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:07,600 And had I been any good, look what I could have won. 154 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:09,880 I could have had... 155 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:14,560 this Hello Kitty gonk for 540 balls. 156 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,240 The pillow with the train on, 157 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:19,240 and the, and the, and the things. 158 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:22,240 And this, and a wallet, all this. 159 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:23,840 All this could have been mine. 160 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,320 But before you say "rip-u off-u", 161 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,600 there is a way to see some proper returns. 162 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:34,760 We just have to do it out of earshot of sono otoko... 163 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,560 Now, I just want to clear up a few things 164 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,280 which I couldn't really explain in there because of the racket. 165 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:42,160 It is true that it's illegal to win money at pachinko, 166 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,800 because gambling for money is not allowed outside 167 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:47,280 of licensed places such as horse racing pitches. 168 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:49,840 That's why you have to win a cuddly toy. 169 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,520 So you can't, you can't win the money, 170 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,840 but what you can do, on the quiet, 171 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,200 which is why we have to be very discreet filming this, 172 00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:59,240 -is you can exchange your balls, -Mm-hmm... 173 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:02,400 or your Hello Kitty, for this ingot. 174 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,880 And you can change that for money, 175 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:05,520 -but you can't do it in there, -Mm-hmm... 176 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,320 because that would be too blatant, so you have to go-- 177 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:10,080 -Where do you go? -Over there to the money. 178 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,880 Let's go, shall we go? Over there. Let's go? 179 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,840 Okay. Well... you go, because I'm a gaijin. 180 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:20,200 Or a more accurate translation, I'm a wuss. 181 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,080 We do have to be a bit discreet about this, 182 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:26,360 because... it's sort of illegal in the way... 183 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:30,800 I don't know... speeding is, something like that. 184 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,440 HA-CHAN: Ah! I got-- (giggles) 185 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,200 Da-duh! 186 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:35,480 That was really ungentlemanly 187 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,000 -to make you do that. -2,000 yen. 188 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,280 -Oh, we've got half our money back. -Yes. 189 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:41,520 I realize that that's your money, 190 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:44,360 but can we go and spend it on street food? 191 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,240 HA-CHAN: Yes. 192 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,240 JAMES: Thank God. 193 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,640 Ha-Chan mentioned something earlier 194 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,480 called "hangover takoyaki" 195 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,880 which is made from those enticing octopuses-- 196 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,760 and yes, you can say "octopuses" 197 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,520 rather than "octopi." 198 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,120 In fact, "octopus" is of Greek origin, 199 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:03,520 and the plural in that is "octopodes", 200 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,880 so if we're using the morphological sys-- 201 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:07,520 oh, hang on, I'm talking over the scene. 202 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,400 Ha-Chan mentioned something earlier 203 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,320 called "hangover takoyaki", which is made from squid. 204 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:14,880 -Is this like a pancake? Made with... -Uh, no, no, no. 205 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,200 JAMES: So what... 206 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,080 -HA-CHAN: Yes! -JAMES: Yeah, that's a very big piece, yeah. 207 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,480 This is why our local comes here. 208 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:26,640 How much does it cost? 209 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,640 Uh... here. 210 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,440 You can have a look. 211 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:34,320 Six pieces. Hey, it's cheap as hell. 212 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,640 It's 400-- It's like three, three quid. 213 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:37,880 -Okini. -Okini. 214 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,000 Okini, okini. 215 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,760 -Mmm. -Ooh, I've got lots of fishy bits with that. 216 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,040 -Mmm. -Okay. 217 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:55,880 -The fishy flakes... -(laughs) 218 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:59,120 ...they taste of an old Japanese house. 219 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,720 I know that sounds like a stupid thing to say, 220 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:03,080 but it does taste like an old Japanese house. 221 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,880 This food presenter lark is easy. 222 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,160 (woman speaks Japanese) 223 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:10,240 Osaka's slogan is "kuidaore!" 224 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:11,760 Meaning "ruin yourself with food." 225 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:13,280 Although another translation is 226 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:15,160 "eat yourself bankrupt." 227 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,320 And just down the street, you can certainly do that. 228 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,520 JAMES: God, look at the price of that! 229 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:22,880 HA-CHAN (laughing): Oh, my God! 230 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,520 (speaks indistinctly) 231 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:28,280 That's 70 English pounds for a piece of beef. 232 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,720 For that much money, you could buy a cow in England. 233 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,400 Not a very good one, but... (chuckles) 234 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:41,360 Kobe beef is the Bugatti Veyron of dead animal bits; 235 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,880 but I wonder if their reputedly pampered 236 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,400 and expensive lifestyle is just a load 237 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:47,600 of old bullocks. 238 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,600 What we believe in England, 239 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,520 the cows live in very special fields 240 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:55,520 -in very nice, remote areas, beautiful grass. -Mm-hmm. 241 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:59,040 They only eat the grass, and people go and massage them, 242 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,040 and pat them on the head, and you know, 243 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:02,600 give them a rub, and talk to them... 244 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:05,800 -The cow is listen to the music. -Do they? 245 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:07,600 -Yes! Jazz music. -Oh, jazz music? 246 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,400 -Yeah. -Oh, well, it should taste excellent, then. 247 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:10,920 It's a pity it's not Kobe pig, 248 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,360 otherwise they'd all be listening to Charlie Porker. 249 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,360 (chuckles) 250 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,840 Well, I liked it. 251 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:21,480 Anyway, here it is, Mooey Armstrong. 252 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,600 -Oh, my God. -Sumimasen. 253 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:26,480 -It's not very big, is it? -(giggles) 254 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,440 -(Ha-Chan speaks Japanese) -Excellent. Go on, then. 255 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,480 Tell me what it's like. 256 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,560 Oh, my God, it melts in my mouth. 257 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:36,800 -Really? -Mmm. 258 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,160 -Is it very, very soft? -Mm-hmm. 259 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,640 JAMES: Touch of salt, here we go. 260 00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:44,360 (both chuckle) 261 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:45,720 How is it? 262 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,520 Mmm. Mmm. 263 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:53,240 -HA-CHAN: Very different taste. -It's extremely nice, actually. 264 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:56,560 -Mmm. -I never tried this 10,000 Kobe beef before. 265 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,000 -Really? -Yes. 266 00:11:58,040 --> 00:11:59,480 But you only live down there. 267 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,200 (chuckling): Yes, I live in this area, 268 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:04,200 but not too much this area. 269 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:06,280 Not too much to eat Kobe beef. 270 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:10,160 Because very... not so... 271 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,760 not so local price, right? Expensive? Will be-- 272 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,360 -Oh, is this the tourist price? -Mm-hmm. 273 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,800 -Oh, is it? Oh, there you go. -But taste is-- I like it. 274 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,680 The Japanese rob you. 275 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,120 -(giggles) -You heard it here first. 276 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:25,720 There now follows a rather awkward encounter, 277 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,560 where the English travel presenter, 278 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:28,880 thanks to copious beer-us, 279 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,120 misses all the signs from his guide 280 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:32,240 that she just wants a compliment. 281 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,920 -It's a great life here actually, because... -Mm... 282 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,880 it's warm, you've got the river, you've got all the bars... 283 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:40,400 -Mm-hmm... -you've got the amazing lights... 284 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:43,360 -Mm-hmm... -it's not windy... 285 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,600 There's all this great food... 286 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,160 beer, everybody seems very cheerful and friendly 287 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:51,040 and a bit mad. It's great... 288 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:53,280 Thank you, thank you. 289 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:55,760 Yes, we recommend Osaka. 290 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,720 You should come to Osaka. 291 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:00,000 Filled with great shame and dishonor 292 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,240 at my total lack of manners, 293 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:06,440 I agree to face the ultimate Japanese punishment... 294 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:08,560 -a selfie. -HA-CHAN: Funny face! Funny face! 295 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:09,920 (giggling): Thank you! 296 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:11,680 Thank you so much. Yatta! 297 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,720 Kawaii. It is cute. 298 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,680 (gong clangs) 299 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:25,280 JAMES: Next morning, along with the rest of Osaka, 300 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:28,120 I'm in something of a beer and octoballs coma. 301 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,360 But the crew assure me that they have something 302 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,320 that'll wake me right up. 303 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,000 (Japanese accent): I am Ultraman! 304 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,560 I'm actually a children's manga comic superhero 305 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,840 with martial arts powers. 306 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:45,400 Although, weirdly, I feel more like a knob. 307 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,480 Now, I know what you're all thinking, 308 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,840 but Nintendo are famously litigious, 309 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,040 and our lawyers have also advised us to make 310 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,200 no Link to official characters. 311 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:57,280 And, even if this looks the Samus that, 312 00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:59,760 to Kirby any mention of them. 313 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:03,440 I'll admit I had no idea who Ultraman was, 314 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:07,200 but all our Japanese fixers and our friends knew immediately. 315 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:09,000 But this sort of thing is perfectly normal. 316 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,200 You dress up as your favorite manga character 317 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:14,600 and you drive around Osaka in a children's go-kart. 318 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,440 And, as you can see, there's nothing 319 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,160 in the karting company's name 320 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:21,840 to bring that other property to mind whatsoever. 321 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:28,280 They do it in Tokyo as well. Not tourists, locals. 322 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,360 Unfortunately, unlike most games, 323 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,920 -here, you only get one life. -(honking) 324 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:41,720 Crikey. 325 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,160 We're not going on the expressway, are we? 326 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,680 I haven't got any money for the tolls. 327 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,920 Given that the Japanese seem to quite like rules and so on, 328 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,640 I'm surprised this is allowed. 329 00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,520 I mean, it shouldn't be allowed on all sorts of levels. 330 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:03,200 It's two-stroke, it's dirty, it's actually a child's toy, 331 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:06,400 it's not really road legal and it's silly. 332 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,880 It's good, isn't it? 333 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:11,280 Konnichiwa. 334 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:13,920 Domo arigato. Sumimasen. 335 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,120 Unintendo legal consequences aside, 336 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:17,920 Wii may feel ridiculous, 337 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,880 but despite the Switch in characters, 338 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,520 this is the SNES best thing 339 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:24,280 to being in that unmentioned karting sim, 340 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:28,280 even if the lawyers aren't Game... Boy. 341 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:29,880 (grunts) 342 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:34,080 This Japanese obsession with manga comic characters 343 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:37,080 and superheroes and pocket monsters and all the rest of it, 344 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:38,920 it's completely real. 345 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,160 It's not just something we've imagined in the West. 346 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,880 They pervade absolutely everything. 347 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:46,200 They're on signposts, they're in the instruction manuals 348 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:48,640 for appliances, they're in people's bedrooms, 349 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:51,280 they're in restaurants, lucky cat, everywhere. 350 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:54,400 I've suddenly wondered, is it something to do with Shintoism? 351 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,480 Because if you've got millions of gods 352 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,640 and everything is invested with a spirit, 353 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:01,840 then it seems perfectly reasonable to populate the world 354 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:03,920 with lots of fictitious little characters 355 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,840 that you can adopt as your own. 356 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:08,440 It's just a thought. 357 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,280 I know that's a bit profound for someone dressed up 358 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:14,760 in a children's fancy dress costume, but there it is. 359 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,880 A superhero's work is never done. 360 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:22,920 Right. Where to now? 361 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,000 But now have a look at this. 362 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,440 No, not there. 363 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:31,800 (jingle playing) 364 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:33,520 Here? 365 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,720 Now, so far we've seen that Osaka is the Japanese capital 366 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,360 of eating, especially on the street. 367 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,280 It's also the capital of bright lights, garishness, 368 00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:44,720 noise, generally having a good time and that's all great. 369 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,080 I can enjoy a beer and a takoyaki 370 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:48,680 like anybody else in the world, 371 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:51,840 but it is also the font of Japanese humor. 372 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:56,120 Down these stairs, in fact, is a typical Osakan comedy club. 373 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:59,920 The trouble with this is we know-- we all know-- 374 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:03,560 comedy does not translate. 375 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:09,800 I mean, that's not funny. 376 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:12,720 It just isn't funny. 377 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:15,320 Although there have been many times on this trip 378 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,080 where my appearance has been met with laughter... 379 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,560 (laughs) 380 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,240 (laughter) 381 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,440 ...well, usually... 382 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,760 ...if I want to get laughs from a Japanese audience 383 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,320 on purpose, I need some help. 384 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,000 I need a loudmouthed ball of energy, 385 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:33,280 who, more importantly, will gladly march towards 386 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:36,720 inevitable onstage death at his sensei's command. 387 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,400 (cackling) 388 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:41,200 There's only one man for the job. 389 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:44,920 My trusty Samurai "Deodorant" from Tokyo, Yujiro. 390 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:48,440 His wife made it for you! My God! 391 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,560 JAMES: Earplugs on standby. 392 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,560 (gong clangs) 393 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:56,160 Now, the problem with this, I think, 394 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,920 is that humor doesn't translate. 395 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,920 It's too subtle and it just-- Something that works in English 396 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:05,320 that we think is hilarious is just banal in Japanese. 397 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,080 -Yeah. -So what we did here as part of this experiment, 398 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:09,880 we will either prove that humor doesn't translate, 399 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,760 or we will surprise ourselves and discover that it does. 400 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:16,040 I've given Yujiro a wide selection of jokes in English, 401 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:19,080 to choose what might work best for a Japanese audience. 402 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,880 Everything from chin-strokey New Yorker satire 403 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:26,280 to absolute bottom of the barrel Christmas cracker jokes. 404 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:27,800 Guess which he's picked. 405 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:29,880 -And the ones you've chosen are... -Yes. 406 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:32,720 The first one. The-the... 407 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:34,320 uh, "My Boss." 408 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:38,320 "My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home." 409 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,680 (soft laughter) 410 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,920 -Well, I think it's funny. -Okay, well, if you think it's funny, that's what matters, 411 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,160 -'cause then we'll see if it works in Japanese. -Yes, I hope so, yes. 412 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,200 -And the second one. -"The other day, 413 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,240 my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, 414 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:52,080 "but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. 415 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,200 She still isn't talking to me." 416 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,200 (Sean chuckles softly) 417 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,520 -(chuckles) -Is it funny in Japanese? 418 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,920 Well, uh, 80%. 80%. 419 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:02,280 -80%. Okay. -80%. 420 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:04,080 ♪ ♪ 421 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:05,920 JAMES: It might seem like we've bombed 422 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,920 before we've even started, 423 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:12,200 but a lot of Japanese humor is based on kotoba asobi, 424 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,920 dajare and even oyaji gag. 425 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,080 -(shouting in Japanese) -(laughter) 426 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:21,480 And, in case that wasn't enough pressure, on the bill tonight 427 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:24,760 is also a famous veteran Japanese double act, 428 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,080 Sen Saru Man, who give some words of encouragement 429 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,280 for Yujiro. 430 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:29,680 Will the Japanese 431 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:31,680 -be kind? -(laughter) 432 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:45,400 (singsongy): We're going to die. 433 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,440 (cheering, applause) 434 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,440 YUJIRO: Oh, my God. 435 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:50,800 They're bloody professionals out there. 436 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,200 They are bloody professionals. 437 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:54,640 Oh, my gosh. 438 00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,760 -(speaking Japanese) -(making sound effects) 439 00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,880 JAMES: Sensing Yujiro's nerves, I do my best 440 00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,080 to reassure him. 441 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,000 If you were performing in England... 442 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:05,520 -Yeah. -...and I was introducing you... 443 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,320 -Yeah. -...I would say, 444 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:11,200 "Next up, ladies and gentleman, is the Japanese Tintin," 445 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,800 and that would already give you a head start 446 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:17,720 because you do look a bit like Tintin, but Japanese. 447 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:19,200 -TOM: You're on. -No, no. (laughs) 448 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:20,680 -I think... -It does. 449 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,160 -I think you're on. -No, but it's a character. 450 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:23,520 -You're on, I think. -Is it-- You're on. 451 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:25,560 -What-what? Wha-- what? -They're ready. 452 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,080 -What-- already? -Yes. 453 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,560 -I-I heard it's 7:00. No? -No, no. 454 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:29,920 Oh, (bleep). 455 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,000 -Are you serious? -Yes. 456 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,720 (bleep) I'm suddenly getting-- I-I'm not prepared. 457 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:37,560 -Oh, (bleep). -You can't be prepared, just go and tell some jokes. 458 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:39,800 JAMES: Luckily for Yujiro, I'm a dab hand 459 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,800 at stress management techniques. 460 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,040 Go-- ah-ah, eh-eh, oh-oh. 461 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,760 Oh-oh, eh-eh, ah-ah. (blows raspberry) 462 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,560 (bleep) 463 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:53,680 JAMES: For once, Yujiro seems to be speechless. 464 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,480 -Ladies and gentlemen! -(applause) 465 00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,520 JAMES: Oh, no, there it is. 466 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:01,960 (audience responding in Japanese) 467 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:04,960 (cheering, applause) 468 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:08,760 Ah, first British joke! 469 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,800 -MAN: Yay! -Okay? 470 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:11,960 (applause) 471 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:17,680 "Have a great day." 472 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:29,520 (laughter) 473 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,320 -Hmm. -(audience laughs, groans) 474 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:52,800 (scattered laughter, groaning) 475 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:55,840 -Okay! -(laughter) 476 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:00,320 JAMES: Yujiro's following the golden rule 477 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:01,760 of many big TV stars: 478 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,600 when things go wrong, blame the crew. 479 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,280 Hey, James May! 480 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,560 (applause) 481 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,880 JAMES: In the interest of science, I can't declare this experiment 482 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:17,240 a failure without testing the other subject. 483 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:20,240 So, here's a Japanese joke translated for you. 484 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,360 Mic drop. 485 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,440 -JAMES: Lead on. You're choosing the bar. -YUJIRO: Okay. 486 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:35,160 Whoa. 487 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:36,520 Looks like a nice shop. 488 00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,280 JAMES: Well, we can't go in a maid bar. 489 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:40,680 YUJIRO: What? "Kuroneco," it's only a black cat. 490 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:41,880 -You know... -JAMES: Yeah, but they... 491 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:43,320 Y-You own cats, right? 492 00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:45,120 -Yes. -And there's cats here, too. 493 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:47,160 JAMES: But they're not cats, they're teenage girls. 494 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,560 -Well... -You can't go in a maid bar. 495 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,800 But Master James, seeing is believing. 496 00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:52,800 You have to see with your own eyes. 497 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:54,040 JAMES: Well, I've seen them on the street 498 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,480 in Tokyo and other bits of Osaka. 499 00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,120 -No, no, I... -It's pervy. 500 00:22:58,160 --> 00:22:59,720 No, it's not pervy, it's not lewd. 501 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:01,200 -And they are... -What? 502 00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,160 YUJIRO: They are, they are actresses. 503 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:06,240 -Black cat actresses. -Yeah, but they're acting 504 00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:09,560 a really classic male fantasy of a French maid. 505 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,200 -French maid. Yeah... -That is a strippergram. 506 00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:12,600 -How's that... -You know the word, 507 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:14,400 -you know the word cosplay? -Yes. 508 00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:16,520 -Costume play. -Yes, I've done it. 509 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:17,520 Uh-- you've done it? 510 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:18,720 -Yes. -Then this... 511 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,120 -I was Ultraman. -You were Ultraman? 512 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,840 -Yeah. -Then I think this is the shop for you. 513 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,720 -This is a cosplay shop. -No, but that's pervy. 514 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:31,000 JAMES: Time to call for backup from my Japanese fixer, Mai. 515 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,280 ALL: Konbonwa. 516 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,440 JAMES: I don't believe him. That's pervy, isn't it? 517 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,200 -I think so. It is, yes. -Really? -There you go, it's pervy. 518 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:40,400 But the-- Japan is a country of perverts. 519 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:41,600 -(laughs) -Thank you. -You see, 520 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,080 it's a natural-- we are natural-born perverts. 521 00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:45,120 -I mean, I-- this is... Yes. Yeah... Yes. -Okay. 522 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,880 -That's fine. You're a pervert... -Are you gonna buy me a beer? 523 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:49,040 -That... -Yeah, but not in there. 524 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:50,680 Oh. Oh, really? 525 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:52,800 JAMES: No, come on. You just said yourself, Mai. 526 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,440 You're a Japanese woman. It's pervy. 527 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:56,200 -Let's go in and find out... -Yes. 528 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:57,600 -JAMES: I don't need to find out. -...how pervy it is. 529 00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:58,920 -You've just told me its pervy. -No... 530 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:00,280 -I can see from the sign... -They are nice, 531 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,200 nice, nice, nice... 532 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:03,840 -No, I will never work ag... -...nice black cat, nice woman. 533 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:05,800 -(laughs): This... -Yes. I'm pushing you in. 534 00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:08,400 -I'm only doing this 'cause Mai is here, okay? -Yes. 535 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,040 -Yes. -Jesus, that's terrible. 536 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:11,800 -You can't do that. -Why? 537 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:13,640 -They are black cats. -It's pervy. 538 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,280 -You know, black cats. -It's pervy. 539 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:16,480 No, no, no. 540 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:17,600 YUJIRO: Konbanwa. 541 00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:19,320 JAMES: Konbanwa. 542 00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,320 (J-pop music playing) 543 00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:23,080 -Oh. (speaks Japanese) -Okay, have a seat. 544 00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:24,480 -Have a seat. -Thank you. 545 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:26,880 I think there's... 546 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:28,480 -Hey, James. -Run for it. 547 00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:29,920 -(Sean laughs) -It's pervy. 548 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,320 YUJIRO: Hey, James. James! (laughs) 549 00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:34,520 JAMES: Our legal team would like to point out that this sort 550 00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,440 of café is common in Japan and completely harmless. 551 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:39,680 All girls in the maid café are over 18 and excellent dusters. 552 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,400 On the plus side, I had a lovely drink out with Mai. 553 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:47,760 She made me take her to a Boy Scout bar. 554 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:56,200 JAMES: After last night, I've put Yujiro on a strict ban 555 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,000 on anything pervy. 556 00:24:58,040 --> 00:24:59,920 So, for my last day in Osaka, 557 00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:01,600 he's taking me to a local university. 558 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:07,360 We are in one of the greatest universities in Osaka. 559 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,520 It's called the Kinki University. 560 00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:12,720 -Is it really? -Yeah. Kinki University, Kindai University. 561 00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:14,560 We the Japanese call it Kinki University. 562 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,360 -Kinki University. Okay. -Yeah. 563 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,000 YUJIRO: We're gonna go-- we're going-going, we're gonna go 564 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:19,840 the, uh, the sumo training. 565 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,760 -Sumo? -Yeah. We're gonna be sumo wrestlers. 566 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,760 (gong clangs) 567 00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:30,080 JAMES: The Kinki sumo wrestlers 568 00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:32,560 are one of the top university teams in Japan. 569 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,000 We arrive just as they appear to be performing 570 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:37,600 a scene from The Sumo Centipede. 571 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,640 (rhythmic chanting) 572 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:45,240 It's very interesting, sumo, because wrestling in the West 573 00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:47,680 -is theatre, really, we all know that. -Mm. 574 00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:49,680 But wrestling here is serious, isn't it? 575 00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:53,240 YUJIRO: Of course. I-It's partially a Shinto ritual, too, 576 00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:56,040 originally, for, you know, fertility and a good harvest, 577 00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,920 -good rice... -To entertain the gods. 578 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,520 YUJIRO: Absolutely, so even if you win, you're not allowed 579 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,520 to express like that-- 580 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:06,000 like American fighter... (growls) 581 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:07,880 -That's totally banned. Yeah. -None of that "whoo!" stuff. 582 00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:09,920 -No, you can't do that. -Yeah, no American stuff here. 583 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,280 -Just a... Yeah. -Absolutely. 584 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:15,160 Despite sumo's modesty and reserve, 585 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:16,840 underpants notwithstanding, 586 00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:20,080 the sport does have an extremely high drop-out rate. 587 00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:22,320 Again, underpants notwithstanding. 588 00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:24,320 Japan's top sumo stables will soon pick 589 00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:25,880 the best of these young wrestlers. 590 00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,760 And to be in with a chance, they're going to need strength, 591 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:29,760 dedication, 592 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:32,720 and massive balls of steel. 593 00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:34,880 YUJIRO: Are you ready for big time? 594 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:36,920 I mean, we're gonna-- We're gonna actually 595 00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:39,440 do the training today with the sumo wrestlers. 596 00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:40,640 -You're gonna-- -No, we're not. 597 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:41,760 What do you mean we are not? 598 00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:43,720 -You and I together. -I'm not. You can. 599 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:47,080 No, no, but we-we... we do it together. 600 00:26:47,120 --> 00:26:49,560 -No. -What do you mean, no? 601 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:51,160 I'm not going to wear one of those on television. 602 00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:52,920 It's not fair on the viewers. 603 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,920 The following sequence contains scenes 604 00:26:55,960 --> 00:27:05,200 some viewers may find disturbing. 605 00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:09,360 My-my crotch is as tight as hell. 606 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:11,040 Yeah. 607 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:13,040 (loud slap) 608 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,040 Sorry, I thought that was the sound 609 00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:16,720 of Yujiro snapping. 610 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,840 After Yujiro successfully psychs out 611 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:23,000 and intimidates his opponent 612 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:27,320 with the pre-match exercises... 613 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,360 ...it's time for a bout. 614 00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,560 (speaking Japanese) 615 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,680 The rules are straightforward. 616 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:41,440 To win, avoid getting knocked over, 617 00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:43,720 and don't get pushed out of the ring. 618 00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:52,560 Round one. 619 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:53,800 (gong clangs) 620 00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,280 (shouting in Japanese) 621 00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:58,920 Whoa! 622 00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:00,680 (James laughing) 623 00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:07,200 Noble effort. 624 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:09,800 JAMES: Yeah, do. 625 00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:13,280 (man shouts in Japanese) 626 00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:15,080 JAMES: Go on, Yujiro, go on! 627 00:28:15,120 --> 00:28:17,080 Grab his waistband and give him a big wedgie. 628 00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,880 Wedgie! Wedgie! Pull. 629 00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:28,920 Oh, watch it, I think you're about to pop out. 630 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,640 (groaning) 631 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:33,440 (laughing softly) 632 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,600 He's the manager. 633 00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:36,880 (Yujiro speaking Japanese) 634 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:38,080 Well done. 635 00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:39,200 Thank you, my master. 636 00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,240 Very impressive and admirable and stupid. 637 00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:43,800 (Yujiro laughing) 638 00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:46,040 You have, however, brought great shame on your master 639 00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:49,280 by losing every bout in under six seconds. 640 00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:53,840 -(bicycle bell rings) -Yujiro took an urgent leave of absence after that 641 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:55,600 to buy hemorrhoid cream, 642 00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:57,560 so I struck out on my own. 643 00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,000 Before leaving Osaka, there's one last bit 644 00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,840 of important culinary culture to experience. 645 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,200 I would like to take a few moments out 646 00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:08,120 to talk about wasabi, which is that little blob 647 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:09,840 of green stuff you get on the side of your plate 648 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:11,640 in a Japanese restaurant. 649 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:13,120 It is native to Japan. 650 00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:16,160 Its scientific name is wasaba japonica. 651 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:19,880 And when it's growing, this is what it looks like. 652 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:21,520 Now, we think of it as a flavoring. 653 00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:25,040 Historically, it was more of a disinfectant, if you like. 654 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:27,880 Before the days of rapid transport and refrigeration, 655 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:30,000 you put the wasabi on the raw fish 656 00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:32,000 to prevent bacteria from growing. 657 00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:35,400 Now, rumor has it, in Osaka especially, 658 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,920 that if a restaurant doesn't like the cut of your jib-- 659 00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,880 if, for example, you're a bit of a loudmouth gaijin-- 660 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:44,080 they might overdo the wasabi to blow your head off 661 00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:45,880 and teach you a lesson. 662 00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:49,160 And this leads rather neatly to the game of 663 00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:52,000 wasabi roulette. 664 00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:57,880 You will need a willing opponent-- 665 00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:00,040 in this case, Mai-- 666 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,680 a plate of salmon sushi. 667 00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:07,440 One of them has been laced with the weapons-grade wasabi. 668 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:08,640 (Mai laughs) 669 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,280 So take it in turns to eat a piece, 670 00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:12,520 and the loser-- 671 00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:14,360 Well, it's to the death, basically. 672 00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:16,480 (Mai speaks Japanese) 673 00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:21,720 (laughing) 674 00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:26,240 This ended up taking about 25 minutes, 675 00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:28,160 with nothing happening. 676 00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:30,600 And two people just sitting eating sushi 677 00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:32,160 turned out to be far less gripping 678 00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:33,720 than we'd thought. 679 00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:35,400 That's remarkable. If you think this is fixed 680 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,560 in some way, it isn't. 681 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:38,800 We are down to the last two. 682 00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:42,640 -Itadakimasu. -Itadakimasu. 683 00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:50,000 -Oh, no. -(laughter) 684 00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,280 Seriously? 685 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:55,920 Lots. 686 00:30:57,440 --> 00:30:58,800 Well, I've lost. Shall we just cut? 687 00:30:58,840 --> 00:31:00,600 -SEAN: No. -TOM: No. 688 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:03,760 Okay, are you all running... 689 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:05,760 (sighs) 690 00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:08,240 Itadakimasu. 691 00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:11,920 Oh, Jesus Christ! 692 00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:15,160 -(laughing) -Mm! Mm! 693 00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:17,200 (Mai continues laughing) 694 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:20,560 Oh, you'll need some... 695 00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:23,240 Hai, have some water. Hai, hai, hai. 696 00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:25,400 (Mai laughing) 697 00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:30,800 Whoa. 698 00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:33,080 (laughing, coughing) 699 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:35,400 -Yo, I am-- I'm crying. -(men speaking Japanese) 700 00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:38,400 (laughing) 701 00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:40,640 What's the Japanese for "you bastard"? 702 00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:46,240 Kids, just say no. 703 00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:48,600 (Mai laughing) 704 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:51,240 So, wincingly, it's time to leave Osaka 705 00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:54,120 as we carry on south. 706 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:57,000 The crew's taking their camera equipment by car, 707 00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:58,680 but I've decided to enjoy one of Japan's 708 00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:01,920 iconic bullet trains, 709 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:05,040 and film everything myself, like a trendy vlogger. 710 00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,120 I have a silly enough haircut for it. 711 00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:08,800 Audio is on the... 712 00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:10,640 That's just Dan, our Belgian sound man, 713 00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:12,480 mic-ing me up. 714 00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:14,120 So, prepare yourselves, viewers, 715 00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:17,160 for Emmy Award-winning cinematography like this. 716 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:22,120 And this. 717 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,120 Still going? 718 00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:32,120 Wow, Japanese Shinkansen station. 719 00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:35,440 As opposed to a French Shinkanden station. 720 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:38,240 -JAMES: Konnichiwa. -Konnichiwa. 721 00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:42,080 Oh, bloody hell. 722 00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:44,840 The symbol is something like two Mexicans fighting 723 00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:46,480 over a broken television, 724 00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,680 followed by another television on a sledge, 725 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:51,600 and a square tree. 726 00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:59,280 Beautiful trains. 727 00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:01,440 I've treated myself to the posh carriage, 728 00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,280 which is currently being cleaned. 729 00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:04,920 Obviously, because it's Japan, 730 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:08,400 and it hasn't been cleaned for the last 20 seconds. 731 00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:14,920 (mid-tempo instrumental music playing) 732 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,560 Oh, I thought we were gonna get East Enders then. 733 00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,440 Wonder if that jingle was written by our jingle man. 734 00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:23,920 This is wonderful. You get on the train, 735 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,120 and exactly on time it just whooshes away. 736 00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:28,200 -No stupid announcements or anything. -(recorded announcement plays) 737 00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:31,200 There's one there. 738 00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:33,360 We think of these trains as being incredibly modern. 739 00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:37,040 The first one ran when I was one year old, 740 00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:40,040 and I'm ancient now. 741 00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:42,080 (announcements continue over speaker) 742 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:49,920 I take back what I said about announcements. 743 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,800 This one's unlikely to finish by the time we get there. 744 00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:00,560 Please do not attempt to get off the train whilst it's moving. 745 00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:02,280 -RECORDED VOICE (in English): Ladies and gentlemen... -Oh, God. 746 00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:04,480 ...welcome to the Shinkansen. 747 00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:07,240 This is a Mizuho superexpress, 748 00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:10,240 bound for Kagoshima Chuo. 749 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:13,880 Unfortunately, as this shot of me walking out 750 00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:15,760 of Okayama station suggests, 751 00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:17,600 the crew caught up with me. 752 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:20,640 And despite it being my day off, they're adamant I film 753 00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:23,840 a single piece about the region's mythical guardian, 754 00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:26,080 of whom there's a statue outside 755 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:29,640 with nothing amusing about its design whatsoever. 756 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:31,840 Action. 757 00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:33,920 (all laughing) 758 00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:40,680 (all laughing) 759 00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,120 Okay, I'm ready. 760 00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:50,160 (laughing) 761 00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:56,080 No, I can do it, I can do it. Right. 762 00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:58,120 (laughter) 763 00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:03,560 Right, I'm ready. 764 00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:07,040 This is Momotaro. He's a local folk hero. 765 00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:09,320 According to legend, an old lady-- 766 00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:11,360 (laughter) 767 00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:17,040 -That was so close. -SEAN: So close. 768 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:18,640 -He's known-- -(laughter) 769 00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,120 I'm not sure I can do it. 770 00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:24,280 (laughter) 771 00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:27,400 Sorry, I'll do it again. 772 00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:29,440 (laughing) 773 00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,840 This is Momotaro. He's a local folk hero. 774 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:37,600 And let me see if I can remember the story correctly. 775 00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:39,880 There was an old woman who was out by the river, 776 00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:42,000 and she saw a big peach floating past. 777 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:43,640 So she picked it up and took it home. 778 00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:46,880 But when she cut it in half, she found this small boy inside. 779 00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:50,480 And the small boy went off, and he made friends with a dog, 780 00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,640 a monkey, a pheasant and a pigeon, 781 00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:54,120 and then somehow, with their help, 782 00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:56,160 defeated all the ogres 783 00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:57,480 who were threatening the city. 784 00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:04,360 And why is his penis out to one side? 785 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:06,440 (laughter) 786 00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:16,560 While I recover, the crew buy time 787 00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:20,160 with arty focus pulls of pinecones. 788 00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:22,000 We've come to Koraku-en, 789 00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:24,280 a garden completed in 1700 790 00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:28,920 by Ikida Tsunamasa, the local feudal lord at the time. 791 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:37,840 I can see why formal gardens are so important to the Japanese, 792 00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:39,040 even if you've only got a space 793 00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:40,880 the size of half a ping-pong table. 794 00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,160 Because the cities are fantastic, 795 00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:45,640 but they're a barrage of noise and lights 796 00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:48,520 and jingles and Hello Kitty and Shinkansen 797 00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:51,160 and okonomiyaki and Yujiro and all the rest of it, 798 00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:53,520 and you have to be able to find somewhere 799 00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:58,120 where you can just be at peace, and here it is. 800 00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:01,160 (gong clangs) 801 00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:06,640 Rather than just bung together a few nice flowers 802 00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:09,880 and a fountain of a small boy urinating, 803 00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:14,000 Tsunamasa-san decided to depict Japan in miniature, 804 00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:16,760 through the medium of plants. 805 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:20,120 That hill over there, obviously, is Mt. Fuji, 806 00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,840 but the buildings represent things like full-size temples, 807 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:24,640 full-size palaces. 808 00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:25,760 The lakes and the ponds, they represent 809 00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,440 full-size lakes in Japan. 810 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:29,640 It's a way of sort of experiencing 811 00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:31,080 the beauty of the whole country 812 00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:33,640 in a short walk 'round a park. 813 00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:35,400 I mean, most people would just have a train set 814 00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:37,960 or something like that, but you know. 815 00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:44,640 For over three centuries, generations of gardeners 816 00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:46,520 have manicured this place into 817 00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:50,080 a state of zen-like perfection. 818 00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:52,640 Here, for example-- these people are restringing 819 00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:53,760 this bamboo fence. 820 00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:55,440 This has to be done every year, 821 00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:57,000 painstakingly by hand, 822 00:37:57,040 --> 00:38:00,920 using the twine and a special Japanese knot. 823 00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:05,160 Or, as they call it, a knot. 824 00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:08,760 This man has been raking this gravel garden 825 00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:11,760 continuously for the past 45 years. 826 00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:13,520 He's still an apprentice. 827 00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:16,320 He's been doing it so long, the prongs on his rake 828 00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:19,040 have completely worn away. 829 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:31,080 A flash of cold steel, 830 00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:36,000 the flower of Japan falls to cries of "bonsai!" 831 00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:41,920 But I'm not here to bask in the beauty of a well-trimmed bush. 832 00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,880 I want to experience something the Japanese have been 833 00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:48,440 masters of for over 1,000 years. 834 00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:50,040 And Yujiro's joining me, 835 00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:52,000 having finally regained the ability to sit down. 836 00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:56,880 You join me at a very contemplative moment. 837 00:38:56,920 --> 00:39:01,160 Kai Hattasan here is a Zen meditation sensei, 838 00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:03,680 and I've got no idea what to do. 839 00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:05,680 I've never done anything like this before. 840 00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:12,520 Migi over hidari. 841 00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:14,400 -Oh! Good. -Very good. 842 00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:16,520 Okay. 843 00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:18,560 -I won't be able to do that. -Oh, my God. 844 00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:21,000 Oh, my God. Oh, shoot. 845 00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:22,440 I can't do that. 846 00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:24,600 (Yujiro moans) 847 00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:36,920 Okay, so left-- so migi under there and hidari... 848 00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:38,360 I can do that, yes. 849 00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:44,640 (speaking in Japanese) 850 00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:48,320 To be more concrete, inhale in four seconds 851 00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:51,680 and exhale in five seconds. 852 00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:57,000 ♪ ♪ 853 00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:06,440 As long as you have your body position in the correct order 854 00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:10,080 and you're, uh, breathing in the right way 855 00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:12,800 -then, your heart will be... -(phone ringing) 856 00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:15,640 -Released in... Oh. -TOM: Sorry. 857 00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:18,640 -The director. -(laughs) 858 00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:20,640 (ringing stops) 859 00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:23,440 -(clears throat) -JAMES: Right, where were we? 860 00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:27,600 JAMES: Okay. 861 00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:33,440 To enter a blissful state, I try to clear my mind 862 00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:36,640 of unnecessary, intrusive thoughts. 863 00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:48,000 (shouts) 864 00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:51,640 -(laughter) -(whistle blows) 865 00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:52,840 (barking) 866 00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:56,920 (crowd cheering) 867 00:40:57,000 --> 00:40:59,000 (water bubbling) 868 00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:03,000 (birds chirping) 869 00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:11,840 It's interesting; it's very relaxing and very peaceful, 870 00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:13,880 but the trouble is, it gives you a good opportunity 871 00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:15,480 to think about other things, 872 00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:17,840 so it's very difficult to not think of anything. 873 00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:19,840 -KAI: Ah... -So I was actually thinking 874 00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:22,160 about laundry at one point, 'cause I've run out of pants. 875 00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:23,520 (Yujiro laughs) 876 00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:36,800 JAMES: That was all fascinating 877 00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:38,200 and something I've never done before. 878 00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:39,840 It's interesting to learn about it. 879 00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:43,320 I'd like to leave you with this final thought. 880 00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:49,440 -(yelling) -Oh, for Shinto's sake. 881 00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:55,880 ♪ ♪ 882 00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:05,880 JAMES: I'm leaving Okayama behind, 883 00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:09,640 heading towards the southern tip of Japan's main island, 884 00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:11,600 Honshu. 885 00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:13,200 As I drive through the ancient valleys 886 00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:15,520 flecked with paddy fields and sleepy villages, 887 00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:17,840 it's hard to imagine I'm about to visit a place 888 00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:20,800 that changed the modern world forever. 889 00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:23,280 This is Hiroshima. 890 00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:26,600 It's a very wealthy and, for obvious reasons, 891 00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:30,360 very modern Japanese city. 892 00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:33,640 I bet when I said Hiroshima, the first thing 893 00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:35,160 that came into your minds was not 894 00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:36,400 the Mazda car company, 895 00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:41,000 for example; it was atomic warfare. 896 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:44,600 We all know the details. 897 00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:48,000 The bomb dropped on August 6, 1945, 898 00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:52,560 right here, where now stands a park, 899 00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:56,400 and at its heart, the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum. 900 00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:15,000 Now, I realize this is going to seem like a rather weighty topic 901 00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:18,200 for a travel show full of lighthearted larks, 902 00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:21,640 but the fact is, you cannot come to Hiroshima 903 00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:24,600 and not visit the atom bomb memorial park. 904 00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:27,160 Not least because it's extremely well done. 905 00:43:27,160 --> 00:43:29,360 And you can't come to the atom bomb memorial park 906 00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:33,160 without addressing this rather thorny and delicate subject, 907 00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:37,560 so I'm afraid that's what we're going to do. 908 00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:40,200 Other TV shows are available. 909 00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:48,440 No one knows for sure how many people died, 910 00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:51,120 but it's reckoned around 80,000, 911 00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:54,240 or roughly 30% of the population. 912 00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:55,760 And while numbers like that 913 00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:58,600 are almost impossible to comprehend, 914 00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:02,000 seeing the tattered and burned possessions of the victims 915 00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:06,880 brings home the human cost of this indiscriminate attack. 916 00:44:06,920 --> 00:44:08,880 (bells ringing) 917 00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:14,080 Hiroshima is obviously a very weighty and difficult subject, 918 00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:17,000 with many schools of historical thought. 919 00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:20,000 I'm hoping Professor Tosh Minohara, 920 00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:22,200 a Japanese-American historian, 921 00:44:22,240 --> 00:44:27,760 can talk me through both sides of this very contentious coin. 922 00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:30,160 If you take away the nuclear aspect 923 00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:33,760 of the attack on Hiroshima, what we are looking at in that museum 924 00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,400 is the commemoration of war and the pity of war, 925 00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:38,800 -which is universal, isn't it? -Yes. Yes. 926 00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:42,440 Yes, the immense human tragedy is-is very apparent 927 00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:44,400 when you go to the museum. 928 00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:49,080 There's a view in the West that, actually, Hiroshima and Nagasaki 929 00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:53,280 are a sort of fig leaf for Japan because it allows Japan to say, 930 00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:55,320 "We suffered the world's only nuclear attack... 931 00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:57,760 -Yes. -...it's a terrible thing," and it allows them to ignore 932 00:44:57,800 --> 00:44:59,680 -the terrible things Japan did. -Yes. 933 00:44:59,720 --> 00:45:02,320 -That's a prevalent view amongst Western historians. -Absolutely. 934 00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:05,320 There's a reason why Hiroshima and Nagasaki were both bombed. 935 00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:07,520 You know, it's because Japan instigated the war. 936 00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:10,520 Uh, and you're absolutely right to point out the fact 937 00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:14,400 -that the two bombs makes Japan a victim. -Mm. 938 00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:16,560 And this, I think, makes it very difficult for Japan 939 00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:19,840 to acknowledge the fact that it was the aggressor. 940 00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:21,760 Because it's very hard to be the victim 941 00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:23,400 and the aggressor at the same time. 942 00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:25,520 The-the most popular view, if you look 943 00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:28,280 at sort of surveys and things in America and Europe, 944 00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:31,360 is that the atomic bombs were evil, 945 00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:33,000 but they shortened the war 946 00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:36,120 against a country that wouldn't surrender, 947 00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:38,320 and that would have cost millions of casualties 948 00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:40,720 -if the war had been concluded with a land-based invasion. -Sure, sure. 949 00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:41,920 And would probably have destroyed 950 00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:43,440 the Japanese people forever. 951 00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:45,440 -Yes, absolutely right. -Is that correct? 952 00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:47,320 I think-- yes, you're absolutely right. 953 00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:51,240 If Japan had not surrendered on August 15, 954 00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:53,120 -the Russians would have come down... -Mm. 955 00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:55,520 ...and would have taken at least all of Northern Japan. 956 00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:56,920 So, we'd have ended up with Korea? 957 00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:58,520 Absolutely. Korea on Japan. 958 00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:00,240 You would have Northern Japan, which most likely 959 00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:02,520 would not be democratic, would not be free, 960 00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:05,200 and then you would have the rest of Japan. 961 00:46:05,240 --> 00:46:09,200 Could you, if you were being very honne about it, 962 00:46:09,240 --> 00:46:10,840 -Honne. -Honne. 963 00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:15,560 ...say that the suffering of Hiroshima and Nagasaki 964 00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:17,680 is actually the salvation of Japan? 965 00:46:17,720 --> 00:46:19,520 That's why they should be revered. 966 00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:21,880 -Because if... Really? -That's how I see it. Yes. 967 00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:23,840 -The-the... -Are you speaking as an American or a... 968 00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:26,720 No, I am-- as a, as a scholar, as a historian. 969 00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:28,920 -Okay. -That their death was not in vain. 970 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:30,920 It-it did help, you know, 971 00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:35,240 Japan maintain the nation as it is today. 972 00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:37,760 (bell ringing) 973 00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:46,720 ♪ ♪ 974 00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:50,680 JAMES: With my journey drawing a close, 975 00:46:50,720 --> 00:46:53,000 I have to move on from the rebuilt devastation 976 00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:58,160 of Hiroshima to one of Japan's oldest wonders. 977 00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:00,560 Hello, viewers, you join us 978 00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:03,360 on Miyajima, which is one of the holiest islands 979 00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:05,280 off the coast of Japan. 980 00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:08,080 It is home to the Itsukushima Shrine, 981 00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:10,800 or the Itsukushima-jinja, which is just over there, 982 00:47:10,840 --> 00:47:13,000 and that, or the view of that from the water, 983 00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:16,000 is one of the three great views of Japan, 984 00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:20,120 along with Matsushima and the sandbar outside of Kyoto. 985 00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:23,040 Which we couldn't be arsed to go and look at. 986 00:47:23,080 --> 00:47:25,080 Ice cream? 987 00:47:30,240 --> 00:47:32,200 This whole island is a religious site, 988 00:47:32,240 --> 00:47:34,200 with its own special rules. 989 00:47:34,240 --> 00:47:37,760 No trees can be cut down and all wildlife is sacred. 990 00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:40,880 Although I think Yujiro could use a few lessons explaining 991 00:47:40,920 --> 00:47:43,520 -what wildlife actually is. -YUJIRO: Aww. 992 00:47:43,560 --> 00:47:45,360 (Yujiro speaking Japanese, meowing) 993 00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:47,000 No, that's a cat. 994 00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:48,600 -Oh, that's a cat. Sit. -Yes. 995 00:47:48,640 --> 00:47:50,120 -(speaking Japanese) Sit. -He won't sit. 996 00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:51,920 -He's not, he's not a dog. -Sit. 997 00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,080 He's got a great face. He's nearly-- he's completely tame. 998 00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:55,280 You're not really supposed to touch them 999 00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:56,360 but I can touch him. 1000 00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:57,920 -Yes. -He doesn't mind. 1001 00:47:58,000 --> 00:47:59,200 JAMES: You're not supposed to touch them 1002 00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:01,280 and you're not supposed to feed them. 1003 00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:02,600 Pull it out of his mouth. 1004 00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:04,520 -He's got it in his mouth. -Oh, my God. 1005 00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:06,160 YUJIRO: Oh, no, no. My map, my map! 1006 00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:07,760 He's eating my map. 1007 00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:10,640 I think the deer is very hungry. 1008 00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:11,920 (laughter) 1009 00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:13,600 -Deer, deer, deer. -JAMES: Looks... (chuckles) 1010 00:48:13,640 --> 00:48:16,160 (plastic rattling) 1011 00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:18,800 JAMES: After an awkward 45-minute wait, 1012 00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:20,840 Bambi eventually pooped us the directions 1013 00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:22,280 to the temple complex. 1014 00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:24,800 This place has inspired pilgrims, 1015 00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:28,440 artists and writers for centuries. 1016 00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:29,640 JAMES: Itsukushima. 1017 00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:31,160 Its-Itsukushima. 1018 00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:33,080 -Itsukushima. -Itsukushima. 1019 00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:35,440 -Itsukushima-jinja. Yes. -Itsukushima-jinja. 1020 00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:37,680 YUJIRO: Uh, This place, um, this jinja... 1021 00:48:37,720 --> 00:48:40,440 -JAMES: Mm-hmm? -...by the sea, was built 1022 00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:43,640 in the end of the 12th century by Taira no Kiyomori, 1023 00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:46,160 a powerful samurai clan back then. 1024 00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:47,800 -Well... -12th century, yes. 1025 00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:50,080 Is he this man in the statue that's by the harbor? 1026 00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:52,600 -YUJIRO: The old man. -Who looks a bit like Patrick Stewart, 1027 00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:54,600 actually, from Star Trek. 1028 00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:57,360 -YUJIRO: Oh, he did? -Yeah, he does a little bit, yeah. 1029 00:48:57,400 --> 00:48:59,280 Yes, so Patrick Stewart built this place. 1030 00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:02,400 -JAMES: Right. -The color red is really beautiful. 1031 00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:04,560 JAMES: I'd call it orange, you see. 1032 00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:07,200 -YUJIRO: Orange? -Is-- yeah, that sort of Shintoism orange. 1033 00:49:07,240 --> 00:49:10,120 -I'd say that was orange. Would you call that red? -Yes. 1034 00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:11,720 -JAMES: Would you? -Yes. 1035 00:49:11,760 --> 00:49:13,760 YUJIRO: Um, from the Japanese senses, 1036 00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:16,240 we call this red. 1037 00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:17,800 'Cause I have a car that's officially red, 1038 00:49:17,840 --> 00:49:19,000 but I think it's orange. 1039 00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:20,680 It could just be me. 1040 00:49:20,720 --> 00:49:22,720 I'll ask the cameramen because they know about color. 1041 00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:24,280 Is this orange or red? 1042 00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:25,840 -SEAN: Mm, orange. -Orange. Yeah, it's orange. 1043 00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:28,640 I-I think, I think the cameraman Sean is color-blind. 1044 00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:30,920 No, you're all wrong. Japanese are all wrong. 1045 00:49:32,720 --> 00:49:34,920 JAMES: They might know squat about color-- 1046 00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:36,440 (coughs): orange-- 1047 00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:39,240 but who cares about interior design 1048 00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:41,880 when the exterior looks like this? 1049 00:49:45,720 --> 00:49:47,720 -Are you going to... -Uh... 1050 00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:49,160 -(stammers) -Well, since I'm here, 1051 00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:50,720 yes, I'd like to just go down there 1052 00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:55,360 and have a contemplative moment standing under the gate. 1053 00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:56,640 -Yes. -Although you don't have to come, though, 1054 00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:58,000 'cause I know you've been here many times before. 1055 00:49:58,040 --> 00:49:59,200 -That's okay. I'll go by myself. -Yes. 1056 00:49:59,240 --> 00:50:01,000 But you go and get some ice creams. 1057 00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:02,360 -Oh. Can I? -Yes. 1058 00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:03,880 -Good idea. -Where do I go? This way? 1059 00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:05,720 Yeah. Go straight. 1060 00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:07,520 And don't walk in the center. 1061 00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:09,080 -That's the pathway of the gods. -Yes. 1062 00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:17,280 JAMES: Torii is the name of the gates that stand 1063 00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:20,320 as entrances to shrines across Japan, 1064 00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:23,440 and this may be the most magnificent of them all. 1065 00:50:29,360 --> 00:50:31,560 From go-karts and pachinko 1066 00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:33,760 to these most ancient of monuments, 1067 00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:36,760 this leg of my trip has once again brought home 1068 00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:40,040 just how much breadth there is to the Japanese experience. 1069 00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:43,600 I'm not gonna pretend I understand it all yet, 1070 00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:47,280 but one thing I do understand is a good bit of woodwork. 1071 00:50:49,160 --> 00:50:53,560 Well, it's another fabulous example of great craftsmanship 1072 00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:57,760 from the world's best woodworkers, the Japanese. 1073 00:50:57,800 --> 00:50:59,600 Very symbolic, as well, 1074 00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:02,880 and it's actually symbolic of the great paradox that is Japan, 1075 00:51:02,920 --> 00:51:04,720 because that gate, and indeed, 1076 00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:07,120 the whole of that enormous temple behind it, 1077 00:51:07,160 --> 00:51:09,480 are made entirely from wood 1078 00:51:09,520 --> 00:51:14,800 on an island where it's forbidden to cut down trees. 1079 00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:18,720 Hmm. Anyway, I've written a haiku. 1080 00:51:18,760 --> 00:51:20,920 "Ah, gate in the sea. 1081 00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:22,480 "What does it mean? 1082 00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:24,840 Way in, out?" 1083 00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:27,520 End of the show. Cut. 1084 00:51:27,560 --> 00:51:30,040 (J-pop song playing)