1 00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:17,133 [extremely loud whistle and explosion. 2 00:00:17,166 --> 00:00:20,566 [extremely loud whistle and explosion. 3 00:00:21,933 --> 00:00:24,666 [gunfire] 4 00:00:29,233 --> 00:00:31,233 [men yelling] 5 00:00:34,366 --> 00:00:36,933 [rapid machine gun fire] 6 00:00:36,966 --> 00:00:39,400 (man) It was just chaos. 7 00:00:39,433 --> 00:00:44,533 As soon as we got there an RPG detonated 20 feet away. 8 00:00:44,566 --> 00:00:49,733 It was as if someone had taken a dustpan of gravel and rock 9 00:00:49,766 --> 00:00:51,533 and poured it in your mouth. 10 00:00:51,566 --> 00:00:55,900 [rapid gunfire] 11 00:00:55,933 --> 00:00:58,833 I got one right in the chest, right in the center. 12 00:01:01,533 --> 00:01:04,966 I'd go back in a New York minute. 13 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:09,566 I would go right back because I was comfortable there. 14 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:14,266 We had bombs going off and IEDs going off and all that stuff, 15 00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:16,233 and I was focused. 16 00:01:16,266 --> 00:01:18,733 [loud explosion] 17 00:01:18,766 --> 00:01:24,533 The experience of a French soldier in Napoleon's army 18 00:01:24,566 --> 00:01:29,100 is no different than the experience of a Marine today. 19 00:01:29,133 --> 00:01:32,966 The terror, the exhilaration that soldiers feel in combat, 20 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:36,633 it's been part of war since the first humans. 21 00:01:36,666 --> 00:01:40,133 War is heroic, it's scary, 22 00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:42,733 it's horrifying, it's courage, loyalty, 23 00:01:42,766 --> 00:01:45,633 brotherhood and sisterhood, and all of these things 24 00:01:45,666 --> 00:01:49,600 that have made humans human for a very long time. 25 00:01:49,633 --> 00:01:53,766 We like to think that war is an aberration, but there's 26 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:57,433 scarcely been a culture or a time when we've not been at war. 27 00:01:57,466 --> 00:02:00,400 It's universal. 28 00:02:00,433 --> 00:02:03,466 We try really hard to keep combat at a distance, 29 00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:05,866 but when we talk about war 30 00:02:05,900 --> 00:02:08,433 we're talking about what it means to be human. 31 00:02:08,466 --> 00:02:10,633 [loud explosion] 32 00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:27,400 All you sit up straight and look at me now! 33 00:02:27,433 --> 00:02:28,666 (all) Aye, sir! 34 00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:30,466 You have just arrived 35 00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:32,333 at MCRD San Diego California, 36 00:02:32,366 --> 00:02:34,433 Building 602, Receiving company. 37 00:02:34,466 --> 00:02:37,500 From now on, the only things that come out of your mouth is 38 00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:39,766 "Yes, sir" or "No, sir" when it comes to a question. 39 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,966 Do we understand? (recruits) Yes, sir! 40 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:44,333 Now when I tell you to and only when I tell you to, 41 00:02:44,366 --> 00:02:46,166 you get off my bus and get on to the yellow footprints! 42 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,966 Do you understand? (recruits) Yes, sir! 43 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,700 Get off my bus now! (recruits) Aye, sir! 44 00:02:51,733 --> 00:02:55,533 Let's go, get off the bus now! 45 00:02:55,566 --> 00:02:59,833 [continues yelling at the recruits] Let's go! Let's go! 46 00:02:59,866 --> 00:03:04,066 (Karl) When I started boot camp, I think I was 19. 47 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:08,200 It was like, can I do this? Marine Boot Camp's really hard, 48 00:03:08,233 --> 00:03:11,333 You know? Some people don't make it, you know? Can I? 49 00:03:11,366 --> 00:03:13,100 So it was an adventure. 50 00:03:13,133 --> 00:03:15,333 I was kind of excited about it. 51 00:03:15,366 --> 00:03:17,400 I wasn't thinking about, you know, 52 00:03:17,433 --> 00:03:20,433 I'm a patriot, I'm going to serve my country. 53 00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:24,300 I was very focused on, I wonder if I can get through this? 54 00:03:24,333 --> 00:03:26,866 (male drill sergeant) Power walk, you're not ready, power walk! Freeze here! 55 00:03:29,466 --> 00:03:32,933 All of you stop moving around now! (recruits) Aye, sir! 56 00:03:32,966 --> 00:03:35,500 Scream for your life, Aye, aye, sir! (recruits) Aye, aye sir! 57 00:03:35,533 --> 00:03:37,700 My understanding of boot camp 58 00:03:37,733 --> 00:03:40,266 is based off the movie "Full Metal Jacket." 59 00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:43,733 As real as Stanley Kubrick's version 60 00:03:43,766 --> 00:03:49,133 of Marine Corps Boot Camp is, ah, it's a light version. 61 00:03:49,166 --> 00:03:51,633 (sergeant) You have 30 seconds to shove everything in that bag, now! 62 00:03:51,666 --> 00:03:52,933 (recruits) Aye, aye sir! 63 00:03:55,166 --> 00:03:57,066 (Lisa Crutch) I questioned my decision. 64 00:03:57,100 --> 00:04:00,000 Why the heck did you join the military, you know? 65 00:04:00,033 --> 00:04:03,200 You have a good job, you're married, you got kids, 66 00:04:03,233 --> 00:04:06,666 you own a house--why the heck do you wanna join the military? 67 00:04:06,700 --> 00:04:11,266 (sergeant) Where you at Friedkin, Alex? (recruit) Here, sir! 68 00:04:11,333 --> 00:04:14,000 (Frederick Romero) They start calling out our names, 69 00:04:14,066 --> 00:04:16,233 and they're calling out "Frederick Romero," 70 00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:18,133 I'm not answering because 71 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:21,366 my name was "Freddie" when I was a kid. 72 00:04:21,433 --> 00:04:24,200 I didn't know my name was "Frederick" 73 00:04:24,266 --> 00:04:25,800 until I went into the Marine Corps! 74 00:04:25,900 --> 00:04:26,566 75 00:04:29,066 --> 00:04:32,700 (sergeant) Stop right there! Get over here! (recruit) Yes, sir! 76 00:04:32,766 --> 00:04:34,133 (sergeant) Not so funny, right? (recruit) No, sir! 77 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:38,166 [sergeants screaming] (recruit) No sir! No sir! 78 00:04:38,233 --> 00:04:43,333 I got down, I was doing like 50 push-ups, he's yelling at me, 79 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:47,100 "Stupid assh---." He wanted to know why I didn't answer. 80 00:04:47,166 --> 00:04:49,600 I said,"I didn't know my name was Frederick." 81 00:04:49,666 --> 00:04:51,700 He said, "Well, you dumb assh--- 82 00:04:51,766 --> 00:04:54,333 that's what your name is on your birth certificate." 83 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,566 [sergeants screaming] (recruit) Yes, sir! No, sir! 84 00:04:56,633 --> 00:04:59,166 Get out of my face! Aye aye sir! 85 00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:01,533 Go away! (recruit) Yes, sir! 86 00:05:01,566 --> 00:05:05,833 They tre 87 00:05:01,566 --> 00:05:05,833 They treated us like dogs, they institutionalized us, 88 00:05:05,866 --> 00:05:09,233 they stripped us of our identity 89 00:05:09,266 --> 00:05:14,033 and made us more of a collective being, if you will. 90 00:05:18,066 --> 00:05:24,466 (all) Ahhhh! 91 00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:27,166 It's a radical shift in your personality 92 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:30,033 and how you think about yourself. 93 00:05:30,066 --> 00:05:33,500 You come in as a kid who thinks only of himself and his needs, 94 00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:35,400 and you become someone who will 95 00:05:35,433 --> 00:05:37,533 literally risk your life for a fellow Marine. 96 00:05:37,566 --> 00:05:40,666 It's what initiations are all about. 97 00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:43,900 This transformation from child to adult, 98 00:05:43,933 --> 00:05:47,933 from civilian to warrior, it goes all the way back 99 00:05:47,966 --> 00:05:50,566 to ancient Greece, to Athens, Sparta. 100 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,966 Essentially, they try to make you quit, 101 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:56,533 they try to weed out the weak, any way they can 102 00:05:56,566 --> 00:05:58,866 physically or mentally try to break you, they try to. 103 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,833 [yelling & gunfire] 104 00:06:01,866 --> 00:06:05,700 (Roger Sparks) It's really to benefit combat effectiveness. 105 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:10,633 You cannot think of yourself to be effective in combat. 106 00:06:10,666 --> 00:06:14,866 And the moment that you have self-preserving thoughts, 107 00:06:14,900 --> 00:06:17,533 everything is going to go to hell. 108 00:06:17,566 --> 00:06:21,066 [soldiers yelling] 109 00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:25,333 [rapid gunfire] 110 00:06:25,366 --> 00:06:28,466 (Sebastian Junger) When we ask soldiers to go fight, 111 00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:30,766 it's not just another job. 112 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:33,633 We're asking them to kill other people for us, 113 00:06:33,666 --> 00:06:36,000 and that means 114 00:06:36,033 --> 00:06:38,800 that because they have a moral burden 115 00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:40,833 that's inherent in their job, 116 00:06:40,866 --> 00:06:45,300 we have a moral obligation to think about it. 117 00:06:45,333 --> 00:06:49,333 (Karl Marlantes) You can't teach a person to kill, 118 00:06:49,366 --> 00:06:52,166 but you can convince the person 119 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,933 that the normal inhibitions of civilization 120 00:06:54,966 --> 00:06:57,466 are now going to be removed, 121 00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:01,233 and we're going to send you over to this place, 122 00:07:01,266 --> 00:07:03,700 and out comes this incredible aggressive nature 123 00:07:03,733 --> 00:07:07,000 that we just have as an animal species. 124 00:07:07,033 --> 00:07:10,233 But the other thing you have to understand 125 00:07:10,266 --> 00:07:13,033 is that you're playing with dynamite. 126 00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:15,800 You've got a 19-year-old kid with an automatic weapon. 127 00:07:15,833 --> 00:07:19,466 How do you check that? 128 00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:22,966 That's the discipline of military training. 129 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,500 [drill instructor] Kill it! (recruit) Aye Sir! Aye Sir! 130 00:07:25,533 --> 00:07:28,933 I don't think anybody grows up thinking, I want to kill people 131 00:07:28,966 --> 00:07:32,166 or I want to be a part of something where you're killing people. 132 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:35,566 So there's a lot of values installed in you 133 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,666 that they had to teach you to go against and still be moral. 134 00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:41,766 Ahhhh! 135 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:46,733 You have to realize that you can't think like a civilian. 136 00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:50,000 And then when you see other guys do dumb, stupid, stuff. 137 00:07:50,033 --> 00:07:53,033 And then all of us get punished for it. 138 00:07:53,066 --> 00:07:56,000 Boot camp was the first time I got in trouble 139 00:07:56,033 --> 00:07:57,766 for something someone else did. 140 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,200 And that was a real eye-opener for me. 141 00:08:03,866 --> 00:08:07,866 We had to have our canteens full of water, no matter what. 142 00:08:07,900 --> 00:08:10,433 If they ever came and checked on you to see if you were hydrated, 143 00:08:10,466 --> 00:08:12,233 the first thing they would do is check your canteen, 144 00:08:12,266 --> 00:08:14,300 to see how much water you had in there. 145 00:08:14,333 --> 00:08:16,900 And one day, I just didn't want to carry the extra weight. 146 00:08:16,933 --> 00:08:19,666 I was like, this is BS, I don't want to carry 147 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,966 this stupid canteen; it's not even that hot out outside. 148 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,633 Sure as (ááááá), this drill sergeant came over, and he 149 00:08:25,666 --> 00:08:29,133 started checking canteens, opens mine up, and he pours it out 150 00:08:29,166 --> 00:08:31,933 and there's nothing in there, and he goes, guess what? 151 00:08:31,966 --> 00:08:33,733 What you're going to do is, 152 00:08:33,766 --> 00:08:35,766 you're going to go into the barracks. 153 00:08:35,799 --> 00:08:37,700 You're going to tell everybody to come outside, and you're 154 00:08:37,733 --> 00:08:40,200 going to tell them that now we're going to do extra PT 155 00:08:40,233 --> 00:08:43,466 because you decided you didn't want to carry water 156 00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:46,700 outside of the cafeteria. Right away, my heart sank. 157 00:08:46,733 --> 00:08:49,900 I was like, phew, I have to be the bearer of bad news. 158 00:08:49,933 --> 00:08:53,333 I have to go in there and tell all these guys that now, 159 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,166 because of me, they're going to suffer the punishment. 160 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,400 I felt about that big. 161 00:09:00,066 --> 00:09:03,933 That is war-- if you don't do your job, 162 00:09:03,966 --> 00:09:07,033 it doesn't just hurt you, it hurts everybody else. 163 00:09:07,066 --> 00:09:09,800 The ego has to go! 164 00:09:09,833 --> 00:09:13,500 By about your 8th week, when you're marching and we're 165 00:09:13,533 --> 00:09:16,600 so good, the drill instructor doesn't even call cadence. 166 00:09:16,633 --> 00:09:19,366 You just drive your left foot into the ground 167 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,733 a little harder than your right, and we're of one foot. 168 00:09:21,766 --> 00:09:23,966 And we are so in tune, 169 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,733 you start to really dig that, let me tell you. 170 00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:29,333 (R. Dennis Eller) Your team, your tribe, is what matters. 171 00:09:29,366 --> 00:09:31,566 You can only ever be as strong 172 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:33,533 as the weakest member of your team. 173 00:09:33,566 --> 00:09:35,433 And so because of that fact, 174 00:09:35,466 --> 00:09:37,833 you're going to take the person who like, 175 00:09:37,866 --> 00:09:40,533 forgets to fill up his canteen, you're going to take the person 176 00:09:40,566 --> 00:09:42,666 who doesn't know how to assemble his rifle, 177 00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:45,100 and you're going to rise him up 178 00:09:45,133 --> 00:09:49,166 to the level that he wants to be at. 179 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:53,766 (Harrison Manyoma) We were doing our final, 180 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:57,033 final road march-- 15 miles. 181 00:09:57,066 --> 00:10:01,033 Something snapped in my Achilles tendon. 182 00:10:01,066 --> 00:10:04,433 I remember there was so much pain. 183 00:10:04,466 --> 00:10:07,666 And tears were coming down my eyes, 184 00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:11,466 and the rest of the group was maybe about 50 yards up. 185 00:10:14,133 --> 00:10:16,866 There's a vehicle that follows you. 186 00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:20,333 And if the vehicle comes past you, you would fail. 187 00:10:20,366 --> 00:10:23,000 And I was maybe about 5 yards from that vehicle. 188 00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:33,600 I remember one guy, last name Gibson, from Alabama. 189 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:38,033 Gibson came all the way back, 190 00:10:38,066 --> 00:10:43,266 and he said, Manyoma, he goes, if you fail, I fail. 191 00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:47,600 That's at the moment where I'm... 192 00:10:51,566 --> 00:10:55,066 [with much emotion] where I knew that somebody cared more enough 193 00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:57,600 about me than they did themselves. 194 00:10:57,633 --> 00:10:59,800 And he carried my rucksack. 195 00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:02,133 And he said you're not going to give up. 196 00:11:02,166 --> 00:11:04,733 We came too far, and I need you. 197 00:11:04,766 --> 00:11:07,366 And for the rest of the 13 miles 198 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:11,600 he walked with me, and I was able to pass that. 199 00:11:11,633 --> 00:11:19,800 [recruits scream a battle cry] 200 00:11:32,533 --> 00:11:35,433 (Karl Marlantes) They're not Marines until they get through it, 201 00:11:35,466 --> 00:11:38,700 and then at the top of the hill 202 00:11:38,733 --> 00:11:40,700 their drill instructors say, now you're in. 203 00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:42,833 Good morning, sir! 204 00:11:42,866 --> 00:11:44,200 Congratulations. Thank you sir. 205 00:11:44,233 --> 00:11:45,866 You guys look good. Aye! 206 00:11:45,900 --> 00:11:47,800 You don't smell so good. Aye! 207 00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:49,300 But you look good. Yes Sir. 208 00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:50,566 Well done, congratulations. Thank you sir. 209 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:51,500 Well done, congratulations. 210 00:11:54,466 --> 00:11:57,000 This is an initiation into something, 211 00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:59,566 but much deeper than they were before. 212 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,233 They reach a certain level of maturity 213 00:12:02,266 --> 00:12:04,366 that they did not have before. 214 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,400 What is it that those Marines have, 215 00:12:07,433 --> 00:12:10,733 that when I was 16 I didn't have? 216 00:12:10,766 --> 00:12:13,466 I want it, you know, and that's how they get it. 217 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,500 You don't just go buy it. 218 00:12:15,533 --> 00:12:18,300 You have to go through the crucible to earn it. 219 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:24,800 But I was not prepared for the reality of combat. 220 00:12:26,533 --> 00:12:28,733 The real training starts, 221 00:12:28,766 --> 00:12:32,166 as you're getting ready to go to war. 222 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:36,366 You know, you can't teach a most important thing, 223 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:40,300 which was, what does it feel like to get shot at? 224 00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:43,666 All the training, none of it could have prepared me 225 00:12:43,700 --> 00:12:45,633 for what we experienced. 226 00:12:45,666 --> 00:12:48,833 Experiencing war, and experiencing combat. 227 00:12:48,866 --> 00:12:55,300 I had no idea what I was getting myself into-- none. 228 00:12:55,333 --> 00:12:56,966 [chop-chop of the helicopter blades] 229 00:13:09,566 --> 00:13:11,733 (Sebastian Junger) In my early 30s there was 230 00:13:11,766 --> 00:13:14,200 a war in Bosnia, a civil war. 231 00:13:14,233 --> 00:13:17,366 And off I went to Bosnia with a stack of notebooks 232 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,900 and some pens to became a war reporter. 233 00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:24,366 I wanted to understand what war was all about. 234 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,433 There are all kinds of wars-- there are unjust wars; 235 00:13:27,466 --> 00:13:30,033 there are wars that are necessary, like World War II. 236 00:13:30,066 --> 00:13:33,000 But I quickly discovered that 237 00:13:33,033 --> 00:13:35,966 all wars have something in common. 238 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,433 You see people relying on each other. 239 00:13:39,466 --> 00:13:42,433 They rely on each other in small groups 240 00:13:42,466 --> 00:13:45,066 to survive the circumstances of combat. 241 00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:48,900 The group matters more to them than their own survival does. 242 00:13:48,933 --> 00:13:52,133 it struck me, like, that is our human origins. 243 00:13:52,166 --> 00:13:55,433 I mean, that's why this species has survived and thrived, 244 00:13:55,466 --> 00:13:57,700 is that the individual is capable 245 00:13:57,733 --> 00:14:00,600 of putting a group before their own interests. 246 00:14:00,633 --> 00:14:04,500 That, to me, held some secret to the human experience 247 00:14:04,533 --> 00:14:06,700 that I really, really wanted to understand and write about. 248 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:13,600 (Dennis Mosley) My first deployment I was part 249 00:14:13,633 --> 00:14:14,666 of a machine gun team, the 240, Bravo. 250 00:14:16,433 --> 00:14:18,266 I remember being extremely nervous 251 00:14:18,333 --> 00:14:21,666 'cause one, I didn't want to f--- up, 252 00:14:21,733 --> 00:14:22,733 and two, I didn't know what was going to happen. 253 00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:30,033 (Morocco Coleman) The pilot said, "Gentlemen, 254 00:14:30,066 --> 00:14:33,266 please fasten your seat belts, we will land in 15 minutes." 255 00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:36,133 And I looked out the window, 256 00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:43,100 and I saw this lush, beautiful, green utopia. 257 00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:47,400 (Elijah) I mean you flew in, and you see these mountains 258 00:14:47,433 --> 00:14:50,633 and this desert and these green patches of orchards. 259 00:14:50,666 --> 00:14:53,766 It's just such a, it's a beautiful country. I mean, 260 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,466 it's one of the most beautiful countries I've ever been to. 261 00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:01,233 (Jason Wheeler) The cab's air conditioned in the plane, 262 00:15:01,266 --> 00:15:04,066 and when they open up the door, you know, 263 00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:06,500 I was like, man, those engines are really hot, you know. 264 00:15:06,533 --> 00:15:08,233 The turbines are really blowing 265 00:15:08,266 --> 00:15:10,666 that hot air in here-- that's crazy. 266 00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:13,666 And then I realized that it wasn't the engines, 267 00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:16,066 that was just the ambient temperature outside. 268 00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:18,600 As we're walking down they're just handing us bottles of water 269 00:15:18,633 --> 00:15:20,500 going drink water, drink water, drink water. 270 00:15:20,533 --> 00:15:22,633 I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. 271 00:15:22,666 --> 00:15:27,400 [rush of strong wind blowing] 272 00:15:27,433 --> 00:15:30,366 I was like what the hell am I doing? 273 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:33,000 What the hell have I gotten myself into? 274 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:36,600 Where in the hell am I, and how'd I get here? [laughs] 275 00:15:36,633 --> 00:15:39,000 It was a, really, 276 00:15:39,033 --> 00:15:41,800 you know, like being in a different world. 277 00:15:46,266 --> 00:15:49,600 (Ron) When I was on ship, 278 00:15:49,633 --> 00:15:53,633 getting ready to fly out to my first op. 279 00:15:53,666 --> 00:15:57,100 I sought out those guys that were salts, 280 00:15:57,133 --> 00:15:59,600 salt meaning they'd been there awhile, 281 00:15:59,633 --> 00:16:02,600 to try to learn what the bush was like, 282 00:16:02,633 --> 00:16:05,700 to try to get some sense of, of what to expect. 283 00:16:05,733 --> 00:16:09,033 And of course, none of them 284 00:16:09,066 --> 00:16:12,166 really wanted to talk much about it. 285 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:18,633 The guys that are leaving, they don't even look at you. 286 00:16:18,666 --> 00:16:21,300 We didn't exist. 287 00:16:21,333 --> 00:16:23,600 We're replacing the 2nd Infantry Division and these guys, 288 00:16:23,633 --> 00:16:25,966 you know, they look like 289 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,466 they're just been beat to death with a tired stick. 290 00:16:32,333 --> 00:16:36,100 (Frederick Romero) You could just see these people 291 00:16:36,133 --> 00:16:39,233 that are like zombies, kinda-- zoned out. 292 00:16:39,266 --> 00:16:42,600 Mean hard look on their face, 293 00:16:42,633 --> 00:16:45,666 like, I'm not messing with these guys. Right? 294 00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:47,933 You know, you're looking at these guys, you're like, 295 00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:51,366 am I going to be like that in a year? 296 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,666 (Frederick Romero) I asked the sergeant, hey, what's wrong with these guys? 297 00:16:54,700 --> 00:16:58,800 He said, you'll find out later about what that's about. 298 00:16:58,833 --> 00:17:02,200 It made me be more afraid. 299 00:17:02,233 --> 00:17:05,933 Then you start thinking about what it was going to be like. 300 00:17:05,966 --> 00:17:09,099 I mean, you know you're going into a hot area, 301 00:17:09,133 --> 00:17:11,400 and you know someone's going to die. 302 00:17:11,433 --> 00:17:13,133 [chop-chop of the helicopter blades] 303 00:17:15,733 --> 00:17:20,500 When we were out in a combat zone, 304 00:17:20,533 --> 00:17:22,900 it was different than normal life. 305 00:17:22,933 --> 00:17:25,433 You knew it was different. 306 00:17:25,466 --> 00:17:26,766 Psychologically, it was different. 307 00:17:30,233 --> 00:17:33,466 I'd been in country about 2 days or 3 days. 308 00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:36,366 Myself and another lieutenant were put on a helicopter 309 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,800 to be dropped in to where our company was, 310 00:17:38,833 --> 00:17:41,566 which was in the middle of the jungle, 311 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,966 probably up about 4,000, 5,000 feet. 312 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:47,166 I'm sort of, I've got a map, and I'm trying to see 313 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:50,033 where we're going and everything and all of a sudden, 314 00:17:50,066 --> 00:17:52,833 fff! fff! fff! fff! holes came into the fuselage. 315 00:17:52,866 --> 00:17:57,233 I was like, my god! We're being shot at! 316 00:17:57,266 --> 00:17:59,866 [loud gunshots] 317 00:17:59,900 --> 00:18:03,133 God, we were such Cherries. 318 00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:06,200 So we roll into our FOB, Victory North. 319 00:18:06,233 --> 00:18:08,566 As we're rolling into Victory North, 320 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,100 we went by an IED, 321 00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:12,600 there's mortars that drops behind us as were rolling in. 322 00:18:15,066 --> 00:18:18,066 Then we stop with our Humvees, and my company commander 323 00:18:18,133 --> 00:18:21,133 comes running out, he's like, everyone run to the bunkers! 324 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,566 And we're like, oh s---, war! 325 00:18:23,633 --> 00:18:26,100 [extremely loud explosions] 326 00:18:26,166 --> 00:18:28,933 Probably one of the loudest explosions I've heard in my life 327 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,733 because it was so close and it was so big. 328 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,133 People just everywhere, every direction. 329 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,766 I remember just getting up off the ground and going, 330 00:18:36,833 --> 00:18:39,500 what the f--- was that? I knew exactly what it was, 331 00:18:39,566 --> 00:18:41,966 but it was one of those things 332 00:18:42,033 --> 00:18:44,600 where you couldn't believe that it had happened to you. 333 00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:48,366 The second the mortar hit, right then was when I realized 334 00:18:48,433 --> 00:18:53,166 that either I'm going to live or I'm going to die-- there's 335 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,766 nothing I can really-- you're a dead man walking, basically. 336 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,766 nothing I can really-- you're a dead man walking, basically. 337 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:57,666 [loud whistle; loud explosion] 338 00:18:57,700 --> 00:19:00,166 These things were coming in with this awful whistle, 339 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,066 Zzzz...boom! Right? And they were landing 340 00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:04,866 right on top of us, we were curled up in trenches. 341 00:19:04,900 --> 00:19:07,033 It felt like World War 1. 342 00:19:07,066 --> 00:19:09,366 [loud whistles and explosions] 343 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,466 And you just think, If I hear the explosion I'm alive. 344 00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:15,133 And if I get killed I'll never hear the explosion. 345 00:19:15,166 --> 00:19:17,733 And you have one second to think that. 346 00:19:17,766 --> 00:19:20,633 So, time after time it's this awful existential crisis. 347 00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:27,900 Modern war, it's just, it's just random in many ways. 348 00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:30,100 You really are completely out of control, 349 00:19:30,133 --> 00:19:32,933 and one of the things that gives you a sense of 350 00:19:32,966 --> 00:19:35,400 I might make it, is that I'm good at this. 351 00:19:35,433 --> 00:19:38,466 I can, you know-- I'll be smart. 352 00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:40,666 [extremely loud explosion] 353 00:19:40,700 --> 00:19:42,900 But when you're being shelled... 354 00:19:42,933 --> 00:19:45,566 [extremely loud explosion] 355 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:48,933 there's nothing you can do, you just have to sit there and take it. 356 00:19:48,966 --> 00:19:55,033 [extremely loud explosions] 357 00:20:11,233 --> 00:20:15,200 (Jason Wheeler) The first time that we were going on a mission, 358 00:20:15,233 --> 00:20:17,166 going outside the wire. 359 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:18,400 Nothing seems real; everything's surreal. 360 00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:25,200 Because you don't know what's out there! 361 00:20:25,233 --> 00:20:27,466 You just don't know! 362 00:20:31,433 --> 00:20:33,100 (Sebastian Junger) On my third trip, 363 00:20:33,133 --> 00:20:34,733 about halfway through the deployment, 364 00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:37,533 I was in a Humvee, on a supply convoy 365 00:20:37,566 --> 00:20:39,466 coming into the Korengal Valley. 366 00:20:43,433 --> 00:20:47,366 And we came around this hairpin turn very, very slowly. 367 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:51,066 We're sort of creeping around it, and, boom! 368 00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:53,500 [explosion & clattering] 369 00:20:53,533 --> 00:20:56,966 The bomb went off under the engine block, 370 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:00,566 instead of under the crew compartment, and so that was 371 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:04,300 a matter of a fraction of a second that saved us. 372 00:21:04,333 --> 00:21:06,766 We bailed out, there's gunfire, 373 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:10,266 I ran behind cover behind another Humvee. 374 00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:14,300 After that I was so jacked up for the rest of the day. 375 00:21:14,333 --> 00:21:17,433 I mean, on top of the world, I'm cranked. Right? 376 00:21:17,466 --> 00:21:20,266 And then that night, I watch the footage again, 377 00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:23,600 and as I'm watching the Humvee get close to the point 378 00:21:23,633 --> 00:21:25,933 where it's going to get blown up, 379 00:21:25,966 --> 00:21:28,500 I just got this unbearable sense of anxiety, 380 00:21:28,533 --> 00:21:31,133 and I just couldn't-- I actually couldn't watch it. 381 00:21:31,166 --> 00:21:33,333 Boom, I heard it go, 382 00:21:33,366 --> 00:21:36,333 and it took me a long time to actually watch it. 383 00:21:36,366 --> 00:21:39,633 After the IED I got quite depressed, 384 00:21:39,666 --> 00:21:43,333 I had a lot of really bad dreams. 385 00:21:43,366 --> 00:21:47,500 That lasted until the next time we got into a firefight. 386 00:21:47,533 --> 00:21:52,000 [loud explosions & rapid gunfire] 387 00:21:54,033 --> 00:21:57,733 [men yelling commands] 388 00:21:57,766 --> 00:22:01,133 [machine gun fire] 389 00:22:07,533 --> 00:22:12,766 I have to say that I have never been so excited 390 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:17,933 and so full of life as when I was, uh, in combat. 391 00:22:17,966 --> 00:22:22,800 You lose that sense of ego, 392 00:22:22,833 --> 00:22:25,133 you're just part of this bigger cause. 393 00:22:25,166 --> 00:22:29,600 I was in a deep primitive state of mind. 394 00:22:29,633 --> 00:22:33,400 [machine gun fire] 395 00:22:36,333 --> 00:22:39,233 I think it's hilarious that in America now we have 396 00:22:39,266 --> 00:22:41,433 this big thing about meditation and being present, 397 00:22:41,466 --> 00:22:44,033 and all this other kind of stuff, right, 398 00:22:44,066 --> 00:22:46,833 because you're never more present than you are in war, 399 00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:49,366 like soldiers have figured this out eons ago. 400 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:54,100 If you want to be present, get shot at. I guarantee you. 401 00:22:54,133 --> 00:22:57,900 You are locked in, like Buddha, to what's happening right now. 402 00:22:57,933 --> 00:23:02,000 Training kicks in, fear dissipates. 403 00:23:02,033 --> 00:23:05,700 I'm in the zone, and I'm throwing lead. 404 00:23:05,733 --> 00:23:08,466 [machine gun fire] 405 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:14,966 (Lisa) I was a 50-cal gunner on a back of a gun truck. 406 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,000 [50 cal. gunshots] 407 00:23:17,033 --> 00:23:19,800 That would be my weapon of choice. [laughs] 408 00:23:19,833 --> 00:23:23,566 You know, you can take it down with a 50-cal. 409 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:28,633 And I would shoot until nobody else was up there, um, 410 00:23:28,666 --> 00:23:33,466 but standing there and shooting, and literally hearing 411 00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:35,966 shooo-- you're hearing the bullets, 412 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:39,733 I could hear them go past my ears. 413 00:23:39,766 --> 00:23:43,700 And now that I'm sitting here thinking about it I'm like, 414 00:23:43,733 --> 00:23:45,233 dummy, why didn't you duck? 415 00:23:45,266 --> 00:23:48,833 [gunfire] 416 00:23:54,433 --> 00:24:00,766 Hearing the chaos on the radio-- it's a KIA or it's one down, 417 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:04,800 one down, and the smell, 418 00:24:04,833 --> 00:24:09,600 when the 7.62 round hits the flesh of someone. 419 00:24:09,633 --> 00:24:13,100 It's almost like an instant smell of burnt skin. 420 00:24:13,133 --> 00:24:15,066 It's a terrible smell. 421 00:24:15,100 --> 00:24:17,066 You mix that with cordite in a firefight 422 00:24:17,100 --> 00:24:18,700 and it sort of permeates the air. 423 00:24:18,733 --> 00:24:22,166 [loud gunfire] 424 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,233 Firefights are nasty. 425 00:24:25,266 --> 00:24:28,566 Assault by the weapons, the smell, 426 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:32,533 the explosions, the screaming. 427 00:24:32,566 --> 00:24:35,866 It really just became us and them. 428 00:24:35,900 --> 00:24:39,166 So it's either me and my friends or it's them and their friends. 429 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:41,400 I'm going to get them before they get me. 430 00:24:41,433 --> 00:24:43,833 It just made us want to go out there, 431 00:24:43,866 --> 00:24:45,666 and we called it get some. 432 00:24:45,700 --> 00:24:47,700 They're gooks, they're towelheads, 433 00:24:47,733 --> 00:24:50,466 they're hajiis, they're krauts, they're nips. 434 00:24:50,500 --> 00:24:54,266 I mean, we have lots of names that allow us to fool ourselves 435 00:24:54,300 --> 00:24:56,133 that they're not really human being. 436 00:24:56,166 --> 00:24:59,566 You are just facing your enemy. 437 00:24:59,633 --> 00:25:02,800 It was either them or my guys-- f--- 'em. 438 00:25:07,666 --> 00:25:10,400 Fire that way. Don't fire this way at all. 439 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,266 (man) I'm trying to find Maverick 440 00:25:16,300 --> 00:25:18,266 and trying to get things consolidated. 441 00:25:18,300 --> 00:25:21,766 We were on an assault, it was a very steep hill, 442 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:24,533 you know, I mean, like, 45 degrees, 443 00:25:24,566 --> 00:25:29,200 and um, as we were going up the hill, 444 00:25:29,233 --> 00:25:34,500 they were dug into fighting holes and bunkers above us. 445 00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:37,533 (Ken Clark) There was like an elevated road that went through 446 00:25:37,566 --> 00:25:41,766 the middle of these rice paddies and we went over that road 447 00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:46,266 and on the other side the VC was hiding out in the rice paddies. 448 00:25:46,300 --> 00:25:48,966 I look, and I keep seeing these black flashes, 449 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:52,100 and the VC always wore black pajamas or black shorts 450 00:25:52,133 --> 00:25:54,666 of like shiny black stuff, and I keep seeing them. 451 00:25:54,700 --> 00:25:56,866 Finally I tell my squad leader, 452 00:25:56,900 --> 00:25:59,266 I said there's gooks all over out there. 453 00:25:59,300 --> 00:26:01,366 He goes, what? I said there's one right there. 454 00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:03,666 He goes, I don't see anything, I'm like, 455 00:26:03,700 --> 00:26:06,266 there's one out there. He goes, well go get him. 456 00:26:06,300 --> 00:26:08,733 [machine gun fire] (man) All right, let's go! 457 00:26:08,766 --> 00:26:11,033 C'mon, let's go! 458 00:26:11,066 --> 00:26:14,033 Somebody shouted "Chicom," and Chicom is a hand grenade 459 00:26:14,066 --> 00:26:17,000 with a wooden potato masher sort of look to it, 460 00:26:17,033 --> 00:26:20,366 and I saw it tumbling in the air above me. 461 00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:24,166 And I said okay, I'm gonna go around the side 462 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:27,433 so that when they stand up to throw their grenades, 463 00:26:27,466 --> 00:26:29,766 I'll be there with my M16. 464 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:33,033 And this little guy sees us, and he stands up. 465 00:26:33,066 --> 00:26:36,466 The water is probably crotch deep on him, and he's 466 00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:40,833 starting to run, and we tried to chase him, and it's hard to run 467 00:26:40,866 --> 00:26:44,533 in a rice paddy especially if you've got on a flak jacket, 468 00:26:44,566 --> 00:26:47,266 helmets and guns and all this crap you're carrying. 469 00:26:47,300 --> 00:26:52,166 He was only maybe 150 feet in front of me. 470 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:55,033 Well, I had an automatic. 471 00:26:55,066 --> 00:26:59,300 And I got him right in the sight of my M16. 472 00:26:59,333 --> 00:27:03,833 I'm laying on the ground, and I'm just like that, and he's 473 00:27:03,866 --> 00:27:08,200 probably 10 or 12 feet away from me, and um, we locked eyes. 474 00:27:08,233 --> 00:27:10,633 And I remember whispering out loud, 475 00:27:10,666 --> 00:27:12,466 I couldn't speak Vietnamese, 476 00:27:12,500 --> 00:27:15,500 but I can remember whispering out loud, 477 00:27:15,533 --> 00:27:17,566 Don't throw it, I won't pull the trigger, 478 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,733 'cause he had his grenade. 479 00:27:19,766 --> 00:27:22,733 Don't throw it, I won't pull the trigger-- I can remember 480 00:27:22,766 --> 00:27:24,700 whispering, just trying to communicate with him. 481 00:27:24,733 --> 00:27:27,866 Just don't throw it, I won't pull the trigger. 482 00:27:27,900 --> 00:27:30,566 Well, he just snarled at me and threw it at me, 483 00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:32,900 and I pulled the trigger. 484 00:27:32,933 --> 00:27:36,933 At that moment I thought, better him than me. 485 00:27:36,966 --> 00:27:43,733 It was years later that I began to understand 486 00:27:43,766 --> 00:27:47,400 I killed another human being. 487 00:27:47,433 --> 00:27:50,433 [with much emotion] I hit him all across the lower back. 488 00:27:53,366 --> 00:27:56,900 [with much emotion] And I... 489 00:27:56,933 --> 00:27:58,966 I thought I had missed him 490 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:01,933 because I saw the rounds hit the water behind him. 491 00:28:01,966 --> 00:28:05,433 So I thought, well I missed him. But he stopped and he was 492 00:28:05,466 --> 00:28:08,566 just sitting upright in the water, and as I approached 493 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:12,633 he had turned, and he was facing me, and he looked like he was 494 00:28:12,666 --> 00:28:16,633 smiling, but he was grimacing, and I looked down. 495 00:28:16,666 --> 00:28:20,900 The rice paddy was just boiling pink, muddy, dirty water. 496 00:28:20,933 --> 00:28:25,466 I had just blew his guts out and the instant I saw that... 497 00:28:28,433 --> 00:28:32,133 [with much emotion] I could do nothing but turn my back. 498 00:28:32,166 --> 00:28:34,800 He could have killed me. I didn't care. 499 00:28:37,833 --> 00:28:43,466 I just turned my back, and then he died a few minutes later. 500 00:28:54,500 --> 00:28:57,600 (Sebastian Junger) War is incredibly sad. 501 00:28:57,633 --> 00:29:02,066 I mean, war is heroic, it's scary, it's horrifying. 502 00:29:02,100 --> 00:29:04,800 It's all these big bold emotions, 503 00:29:04,833 --> 00:29:07,466 but it's also incredibly sad. 504 00:29:07,500 --> 00:29:11,700 And, um, sadness is a delicate emotion. 505 00:29:11,733 --> 00:29:17,200 And when I really connected with how, just, sad it is that 506 00:29:17,233 --> 00:29:21,466 human beings kill one another, just that the basic term-- 507 00:29:21,500 --> 00:29:24,533 there's a bunch of boys on a hill, 508 00:29:24,566 --> 00:29:27,966 trying to kill a bunch of other boys on another hill. 509 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,466 That basic fact just crushed me. 510 00:29:40,433 --> 00:29:43,266 [chop-chop of the blades of a helicopter) 511 00:29:49,333 --> 00:29:52,333 (MJ Hegar) I was the new guy. 512 00:29:52,366 --> 00:29:56,566 I was one of the only people who hadn't had a rescue. 513 00:29:56,600 --> 00:30:00,700 So any time the radio crackled I was like, jump in, 514 00:30:00,733 --> 00:30:04,033 and I was kind of excited, you know, and 515 00:30:04,066 --> 00:30:08,000 I was in the shower, and I heard my radio go off 516 00:30:08,033 --> 00:30:11,500 and sure enough it was the launch code, REDCON-1! 517 00:30:11,533 --> 00:30:14,900 And I jumped out, I think I let a woo-hoo! out somewhere. 518 00:30:14,933 --> 00:30:18,166 I had my helmet on; I was really excited. 519 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:24,500 [gunshots and explosions] 520 00:30:24,533 --> 00:30:27,700 The LZ was under fire. 521 00:30:27,733 --> 00:30:30,600 We were supposed to wait until the fire got suppressed 522 00:30:30,633 --> 00:30:34,066 before we landed, but we didn't. We landed, we took him on. 523 00:30:34,100 --> 00:30:37,266 My medic is communicating to us on the radio, and he's saying 524 00:30:37,300 --> 00:30:39,266 things like, we're code blue back here, 525 00:30:39,300 --> 00:30:41,433 which means he's lost his pulse. 526 00:30:41,466 --> 00:30:44,766 I looked at the pilot next to me, and he looked at me, 527 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,400 and he pulled as high as he could, 528 00:30:47,433 --> 00:30:50,400 as much as the engines could pull, and he just beelined, 529 00:30:50,433 --> 00:30:52,366 no tactics, no worrying about getting shot down, 530 00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:54,500 just beelined for the Role 3. 531 00:30:54,533 --> 00:30:58,200 My medic got him back, said I've got a pulse, he's doing 532 00:30:58,233 --> 00:31:02,233 CPR in the back and uh, we got him to the Role 3. 533 00:31:02,266 --> 00:31:07,833 They took him in for surgery and lost him. 534 00:31:07,866 --> 00:31:11,466 [with much emotion] And I tell this story 535 00:31:11,500 --> 00:31:16,700 as a penance to myself because the guilt over being excited 536 00:31:16,733 --> 00:31:20,000 to have a mission and understanding now 537 00:31:20,033 --> 00:31:23,600 that as a medivac pilot when you get a mission 538 00:31:23,633 --> 00:31:25,800 somebody else is having a really bad day. 539 00:31:44,833 --> 00:31:49,600 In Hue city, we went in with 53 Marines. 540 00:31:49,633 --> 00:31:51,066 [loud explosion] 541 00:31:51,100 --> 00:31:54,400 After the first day, we had 28 left. 542 00:31:54,433 --> 00:31:57,700 We lost 23 the very first day. 543 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:05,800 At daybreak, we were in a house, 544 00:32:05,833 --> 00:32:09,300 and the Vietnamese was right across the street. 545 00:32:09,333 --> 00:32:12,900 And it's probably 50 feet, maybe-- 546 00:32:12,933 --> 00:32:15,633 very, very close, very close. 547 00:32:15,666 --> 00:32:18,533 I went to the window to shoot, 548 00:32:18,566 --> 00:32:21,466 and when I stepped around the window, 549 00:32:21,500 --> 00:32:25,766 that's when I got one right in the chest, right in the center. 550 00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:30,533 It felt like, um, somebody had taken a hot spit 551 00:32:30,566 --> 00:32:34,433 like you put on a barbecue, and just stuck it through your chest 552 00:32:34,466 --> 00:32:37,166 and left it there. 553 00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:40,400 They put me on the back of the tank. 554 00:32:40,433 --> 00:32:44,100 I thought the ride was going to kill me then, 555 00:32:44,133 --> 00:32:47,266 there's no rubber, it's all metal track. 556 00:32:47,300 --> 00:32:49,933 And it was just constant beating, vibrating, 557 00:32:49,966 --> 00:32:53,433 and I had busted up ribs and chest, 558 00:32:53,466 --> 00:32:55,833 and that was what was hurting so bad. 559 00:32:55,866 --> 00:32:58,166 It was really hurting. 560 00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:02,066 At the MASH unit, I'm laying there, 561 00:33:02,100 --> 00:33:06,600 and one of the corpsman says, "This one's not dead yet." 562 00:33:06,633 --> 00:33:08,900 And I thought to myself, 563 00:33:08,933 --> 00:33:11,833 Well, that poor son of a bitch must be hit bad, 564 00:33:11,866 --> 00:33:14,666 if he says "not dead yet," 565 00:33:14,700 --> 00:33:18,266 Well, I didn't know that he was talking about me. 566 00:33:18,300 --> 00:33:23,866 They had put me in a body bag with the other Marines that, 567 00:33:23,900 --> 00:33:27,033 you know, were already expired and stuff. 568 00:33:27,066 --> 00:33:30,133 Thank goodness somebody unzipped it! 569 00:33:39,866 --> 00:33:42,566 We used to put all your personal property 570 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,766 in an ammo can, in the bottom of the rucksack. 571 00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:48,566 And there was a method to the madness, 572 00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:51,033 so that if you got killed or wounded, 573 00:33:51,066 --> 00:33:53,466 people could just pull out the can, 574 00:33:53,500 --> 00:33:56,133 and this is what you sent home. 575 00:34:04,533 --> 00:34:09,100 I actually made some phone calls to people to say good-bye. 576 00:34:09,133 --> 00:34:11,900 Because I prepared myself to not come back. 577 00:34:17,566 --> 00:34:20,833 (Karl Marlantes) It was a terrible experience-- 578 00:34:20,866 --> 00:34:24,000 seeing your friends mutilated. 579 00:34:24,033 --> 00:34:29,633 It's the bigger motivator than saving your own skin. 580 00:34:29,666 --> 00:34:33,066 There's 101 ways of saving your own skin in combat. 581 00:34:33,100 --> 00:34:35,400 But most people don't do it, 582 00:34:35,433 --> 00:34:37,466 because you wouldn't let your friends down. 583 00:34:37,500 --> 00:34:39,433 It's a form of love. 584 00:34:39,466 --> 00:34:42,199 I mean, I'm not going to let you down. 585 00:34:42,233 --> 00:34:45,333 I am going to have your back-- and you'll have mine. 586 00:34:45,366 --> 00:34:49,433 That's a fate worse than death is to get into combat 587 00:34:49,466 --> 00:34:53,300 and let down the very guys that trusted you, trained you, 588 00:34:53,333 --> 00:34:56,066 and are standing there fighting right by your side. 589 00:34:56,100 --> 00:35:00,266 To let them down is worse than any death I can imagine. 590 00:35:00,300 --> 00:35:04,766 It was an intensely rich brotherhood, 591 00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:10,300 based on a lot of suffering, you know. 592 00:35:10,333 --> 00:35:13,000 I've never felt that close to anyone, 593 00:35:13,033 --> 00:35:16,200 I mean, I'm not even that close to my wife, 594 00:35:16,233 --> 00:35:18,400 compared to the love I had for my brothers. 595 00:35:21,500 --> 00:35:24,600 [with much emotion] I love those people 596 00:35:24,633 --> 00:35:27,466 as though they were birthed from the same parents. 597 00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:29,566 We've seen and done 598 00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:32,666 and been through a lot of stuff together, 599 00:35:32,700 --> 00:35:37,300 that not even my biological family can ever understand. 600 00:35:37,333 --> 00:35:39,033 (Sebastian Junger) Tim Hetherington was my friend, 601 00:35:39,066 --> 00:35:40,800 he was a photographer. 602 00:35:40,833 --> 00:35:42,800 I convinced him to join me in 603 00:35:42,833 --> 00:35:45,100 a film project I wanted to do, 604 00:35:45,133 --> 00:35:46,466 which eventually became our movie "Restrepo." 605 00:35:46,500 --> 00:35:49,266 We had a sort of special bond 606 00:35:49,300 --> 00:35:52,233 where when we were together, we looked out for each other, 607 00:35:52,266 --> 00:35:54,266 and the military calls it battle buddies, 608 00:35:54,300 --> 00:35:56,600 like, everyone has a battle buddy, well, 609 00:35:56,633 --> 00:36:00,233 Tim was my battle buddy, even though I didn't carry a gun. 610 00:36:00,266 --> 00:36:04,666 Tim and I were supposed to be on assignment together in Libya. 611 00:36:04,700 --> 00:36:07,866 At the last minute I couldn't go. 612 00:36:07,900 --> 00:36:12,433 I was in New York with my wife, in our apartment, 613 00:36:12,466 --> 00:36:15,866 and the phone was ringing, and it was a mutual friend 614 00:36:15,900 --> 00:36:18,033 saying that Tim had been wounded. 615 00:36:18,066 --> 00:36:19,733 And I was pretty optimistic-- some other journalists 616 00:36:19,766 --> 00:36:21,666 had been wounded, and it was a tank round. 617 00:36:21,700 --> 00:36:23,933 They said it was a tank round, and I thought 618 00:36:23,966 --> 00:36:26,500 it had to have hit their, the house that they were in. 619 00:36:26,533 --> 00:36:29,666 So tank rounds aren't that powerful, I bet he's all right. 620 00:36:29,700 --> 00:36:32,533 And then within about a half an hour, 621 00:36:32,566 --> 00:36:36,733 it was confirmed that he was killed. 622 00:36:36,766 --> 00:36:40,133 I suddenly understood what the soldiers were talking about. 623 00:36:40,166 --> 00:36:43,500 In combat, if your buddy was in danger, 624 00:36:43,533 --> 00:36:47,433 you would give almost no thought to your own safety 625 00:36:47,466 --> 00:36:50,066 in order to help that person, 626 00:36:50,100 --> 00:36:52,900 which made it my failure 627 00:36:52,933 --> 00:36:56,233 that I hadn't protected him-- on some level. 628 00:36:56,266 --> 00:36:59,833 I should've been there, it should've been me. 629 00:36:59,866 --> 00:37:02,666 I should've been there to save his life, it should've been me, 630 00:37:02,700 --> 00:37:05,300 maybe I would've been killed and not him. 631 00:37:05,333 --> 00:37:08,300 On some level, I was in New York, my buddy was in Libya, 632 00:37:08,333 --> 00:37:11,366 and he got killed, and I'm okay. 633 00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:13,866 How do you live with yourself? 634 00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:25,600 I think about guys that died, 635 00:37:25,633 --> 00:37:28,366 like my radio operator, 636 00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:33,166 I don't know, 3 or 4 times a month, he'll come to mind, 637 00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:35,866 I'll just think about, his name was Thomas. 638 00:37:35,900 --> 00:37:38,733 I was the one that sent him on this ambush. 639 00:37:38,766 --> 00:37:41,800 We wanted to, when we took a hill, I knew 640 00:37:41,833 --> 00:37:45,066 where the NVA were going to go, because I'd been there a while, 641 00:37:45,100 --> 00:37:47,700 and I knew there's only one place they can escape. 642 00:37:47,733 --> 00:37:49,833 I said, Thomas, I want you there with a squad 643 00:37:49,866 --> 00:37:52,000 with a machine gun to kill 'em. 644 00:37:52,033 --> 00:37:55,100 He was in the jungle, trying to work his way into a position. 645 00:37:55,133 --> 00:37:57,966 I said, they're leaving, you got to get going, you got to move, 646 00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:00,366 you got to move, 'cause we're gonna miss 'em. 647 00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:03,866 I was, I was in, I mean, my blood was up, 'cause I'd 648 00:38:03,900 --> 00:38:06,366 just finished the assault, we were still firing, in fact. 649 00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:10,533 And he wanted to do a good job, and so, he broke cover with, 650 00:38:10,566 --> 00:38:13,500 from the jungle, and to move up into position. 651 00:38:13,533 --> 00:38:16,366 Three RPGs, rocket-propelled grenades, they had rockets, 652 00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:21,033 two of them hit the squad and killed Thomas. 653 00:38:21,066 --> 00:38:23,500 Warner, who was a machine gunner, 654 00:38:23,533 --> 00:38:27,133 I remember him coming up to me with Thomas on his shoulders, 655 00:38:27,166 --> 00:38:29,000 and he just dumped him there. 656 00:38:29,033 --> 00:38:32,600 And I go, like, wow. 657 00:38:32,633 --> 00:38:36,400 I bet you, I bet you Warner thinks I killed him. 658 00:38:36,433 --> 00:38:39,633 And I carried that guilt for so many years. 659 00:38:39,666 --> 00:38:42,333 You do get so close to people. 660 00:38:42,366 --> 00:38:45,933 I mean, it's, I mean, Thomas saved my life one night 661 00:38:45,966 --> 00:38:49,033 because I had gone into hypothermia, and I was 662 00:38:49,066 --> 00:38:51,833 shivering so violently, I, I couldn't control it. 663 00:38:51,866 --> 00:38:56,033 And uh, he knew what hypothermia was, so he just grabbed me 664 00:38:56,066 --> 00:38:59,433 and went to the ground with me, 665 00:38:59,466 --> 00:39:03,833 and hugged me for about 20 minutes to heat me up. 666 00:39:03,866 --> 00:39:08,133 How close can you? You can't get any closer than that. 667 00:39:08,166 --> 00:39:11,900 [with much emotion] I mean, I start to cry about it even now, 668 00:39:11,933 --> 00:39:14,800 and uh, and he's gone. 669 00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:22,533 When you're looking at your buddy 670 00:39:22,566 --> 00:39:25,466 who is missing half his body... 671 00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:31,166 it's a whole different level at that point. 672 00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:33,433 They took someone that 673 00:39:33,466 --> 00:39:36,233 you care about, someone who 674 00:39:36,266 --> 00:39:39,800 you depended on in many respects, 675 00:39:39,833 --> 00:39:43,866 and you want to make them pay for taking that person. 676 00:39:43,900 --> 00:39:47,166 When you get to the point where it's payback time 677 00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:51,133 and you want to go out there, and you want to kill a gook, 678 00:39:51,166 --> 00:39:53,900 you want to, you want to get some revenge or whatever, 679 00:39:53,933 --> 00:39:56,200 you can't wait to get out there. 680 00:39:56,233 --> 00:39:58,166 (man) over there, there's openings in the windows! 681 00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:00,366 Gunner!! [loud machine gun fire] 682 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:06,100 [loud rushing sound of a flame thrower] 683 00:40:19,766 --> 00:40:22,100 We got somebody! 684 00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,133 War is an assault on your senses, 685 00:40:27,166 --> 00:40:30,033 including your sense of right and wrong. 686 00:40:30,066 --> 00:40:33,733 You don't want to admit that you're becoming this animal 687 00:40:33,766 --> 00:40:37,166 where it's uncaring and unfeeling, 688 00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:40,000 but at the same time, 689 00:40:40,033 --> 00:40:44,666 you're tired of being tired, you're scared of being scared. 690 00:40:44,700 --> 00:40:49,033 [with emotion] You can't take it no more, man, I'm tired of being scared! 691 00:41:02,033 --> 00:41:04,866 [extremely loud explosion] 692 00:41:04,900 --> 00:41:07,733 (man) Get out! Get out! Get out! 693 00:41:07,766 --> 00:41:13,333 One time, the enemy spent the night building car bombs, 694 00:41:13,366 --> 00:41:16,466 and there were 6 in 15 minutes. 695 00:41:16,500 --> 00:41:21,033 So we show up, and the pieces of the bomber 696 00:41:21,066 --> 00:41:22,866 were thrown everywhere and anybody 697 00:41:22,900 --> 00:41:26,000 that happened to be on the street right there 698 00:41:26,033 --> 00:41:28,433 was thrown everywhere, and the trees-- we looked around-- 699 00:41:28,466 --> 00:41:30,333 the trees are singed black 700 00:41:30,366 --> 00:41:32,666 but then right across the street from it, 701 00:41:32,700 --> 00:41:35,433 all of these women are-- 702 00:41:35,466 --> 00:41:38,266 they're the family members of the victims, 703 00:41:38,300 --> 00:41:41,700 whoever was on the street in that area. 704 00:41:41,733 --> 00:41:44,033 And they want to know what happened, of course, 705 00:41:44,066 --> 00:41:46,100 and we're there to know what happened. 706 00:41:46,133 --> 00:41:49,266 The thing blew up 10 minutes ago, and the women 707 00:41:49,300 --> 00:41:51,333 are screaming, and I'm trying to pick up evidence. 708 00:41:51,366 --> 00:41:55,633 And just the women never stopped screaming. 709 00:41:55,666 --> 00:41:59,733 I could not hear myself think. 710 00:41:59,766 --> 00:42:02,800 I couldn't hear anything but the shrieking, 711 00:42:02,833 --> 00:42:06,700 I can't talk to my team, and I can't gather the evidence, 712 00:42:06,733 --> 00:42:10,566 I can't figure out what's going on, the radio is squawking. 713 00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:13,933 There's still, you know, there's another bomb that goes off, 714 00:42:13,966 --> 00:42:16,033 then there's another one waiting for us. 715 00:42:16,066 --> 00:42:19,700 We're behind, and the women never stop screeching, 716 00:42:19,733 --> 00:42:22,700 and I had a moment where I thought 717 00:42:22,733 --> 00:42:26,800 if no one else will shut them up, I will shut them up. 718 00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:40,966 And this was the lowering of that bar 719 00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:43,700 and lowering of the threshold, and what am I capable of? 720 00:42:43,733 --> 00:42:47,900 And I am just like some kid from Buffalo, 721 00:42:47,933 --> 00:42:51,133 good Catholic kid from Buffalo, 722 00:42:51,166 --> 00:42:56,166 and the U.S. government gave me this rifle 723 00:42:56,200 --> 00:43:00,733 that is sitting right here, and they gave it to me 724 00:43:00,766 --> 00:43:03,400 because there would be times I need to shoot people, 725 00:43:03,433 --> 00:43:06,533 and this is one of those times. 726 00:43:06,566 --> 00:43:10,600 What bothered me afterwards is 727 00:43:10,633 --> 00:43:13,966 what I learned about myself that the things I didn't think 728 00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:17,333 I was capable of, I am capable of. 729 00:43:17,366 --> 00:43:20,966 I'm as capable of doing all these things as anybody else. 730 00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:24,100 My god-given conscience 731 00:43:24,133 --> 00:43:27,966 was not going to stop me from doing these things. 732 00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:31,300 I don't know what stopped me. 733 00:43:31,333 --> 00:43:35,800 And that's when I knew that I had to leave. 734 00:43:48,333 --> 00:43:53,033 [acoustic guitar; softly finger-picking] 735 00:43:53,066 --> 00:43:56,866 [playing The Rolling Stones "Play with Fire"] 736 00:43:56,900 --> 00:44:00,333 (Mick Jagger) ♪ Well, you've got your diamonds ♪ 737 00:44:00,366 --> 00:44:04,100 ♪ And you've got your pretty clothes ♪ 738 00:44:04,133 --> 00:44:08,300 ♪ And a chauffeur drives your car ♪ 739 00:44:08,333 --> 00:44:12,233 ♪ You let everybody know 740 00:44:12,266 --> 00:44:16,700 ♪ But don't play with me 741 00:44:16,733 --> 00:44:19,166 ♪ 'Cause you're playing with fire. ♪ 742 00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:22,200 When I came home, I spent a lot of nights 743 00:44:22,233 --> 00:44:26,000 sitting in the dark at home, at mom's house, 744 00:44:26,033 --> 00:44:28,766 and mom would come in sometimes, 2 or 3 in the morning, 745 00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:31,366 and I'd be sitting up, and she'd say, 746 00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:33,700 "Honey, you've got to put that behind you. It's over." 747 00:44:33,733 --> 00:44:37,400 And I said "No, I said no, it's not over." 748 00:44:37,433 --> 00:44:41,433 And I remember sitting there at the breakfast table one morning, 749 00:44:41,466 --> 00:44:44,433 and she said, "Ronnie, I miss the old Ronnie." 750 00:44:44,466 --> 00:44:47,566 I looked at her. I said, "Mom, 751 00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:52,966 I want you to know right now, that guy was killed in Nam, 752 00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:55,800 and he's not coming back." 753 00:44:58,433 --> 00:45:04,000 (Lisa Crutch) Prior to me going overseas I was a different person. 754 00:45:04,033 --> 00:45:08,066 I was Lisa but when I got overseas I'm Sergeant Crutch 755 00:45:08,100 --> 00:45:10,733 and the transition from Lisa to Sergeant Crutch 756 00:45:10,766 --> 00:45:14,566 for me is very easy-- I can do it just like that. 757 00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:17,266 but transitioning from Sergeant Crutch to Lisa 758 00:45:17,300 --> 00:45:20,233 is very difficult. 759 00:45:20,266 --> 00:45:24,033 The memories from Iraq, they're still so fresh 760 00:45:24,066 --> 00:45:28,233 that I pushed everything else in the back of my mind. 761 00:45:28,266 --> 00:45:30,633 I couldn't remember things that I've done with my family. 762 00:45:30,666 --> 00:45:32,533 My kids would even show me pictures. 763 00:45:32,566 --> 00:45:35,133 Mom, remember when we did so and so? 764 00:45:35,166 --> 00:45:37,933 We went so and so, and I couldn't recall it. 765 00:45:37,966 --> 00:45:41,233 It was like I see myself in the picture but I had 766 00:45:41,266 --> 00:45:43,200 no recollection of ever being there with them, 767 00:45:43,233 --> 00:45:45,633 but if you ask me anything 768 00:45:45,666 --> 00:45:48,800 that I did or what happened overseas in the military 769 00:45:48,833 --> 00:45:51,500 I can tell you everything I did in Iraq. 770 00:45:51,533 --> 00:45:54,133 Some things I can even tell you the dates 771 00:45:57,733 --> 00:46:00,033 (Karl Marlantes) I stuffed it down, 772 00:46:00,066 --> 00:46:02,533 but it came back. 773 00:46:11,266 --> 00:46:14,833 I'm on I-5, driving, it's 2:00 in the morning. 774 00:46:14,866 --> 00:46:18,800 It's probably about 1990, I mean, you know, 25 years, 775 00:46:18,833 --> 00:46:21,600 '75, '85, about 15 years after the war, 776 00:46:21,633 --> 00:46:25,000 and uh, 2 in the morning, and all by myself, 777 00:46:25,033 --> 00:46:28,733 little bubble, I got country music on the radio, I-5, 778 00:46:28,766 --> 00:46:34,433 I'm on a mission, then those 2 eyes come up in the windshield. 779 00:46:34,466 --> 00:46:38,700 That was how long it took me to finally start to understand 780 00:46:38,733 --> 00:46:41,833 that I had actually killed a human being. 781 00:46:41,866 --> 00:46:45,433 That was the first time that I had, uh, 782 00:46:45,466 --> 00:46:48,366 ever even had a symptom of post-traumatic stress. 783 00:46:51,866 --> 00:46:55,900 (Sebastian Junger) The crisis of killing and being killed is over, 784 00:46:55,933 --> 00:46:59,066 so the stakes feel lower when people come home, 785 00:46:59,100 --> 00:47:02,100 but really, if you follow veterans through their lives, 786 00:47:02,133 --> 00:47:04,000 the stakes aren't over. 787 00:47:04,033 --> 00:47:06,700 I mean, there are enormous emotional, 788 00:47:06,733 --> 00:47:09,766 psychological burdens to engaging in war, if you are 789 00:47:09,800 --> 00:47:11,200 not properly reincorporated back into society. 790 00:47:14,466 --> 00:47:18,566 The truth about war is very, very ugly, and on some level, 791 00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:21,666 people don't want to know about the ugliness. 792 00:47:21,700 --> 00:47:24,766 We're talking about human lives, both American and foreign, 793 00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:27,266 and so it's a conversation that has to happen. 794 00:47:31,500 --> 00:47:33,600 I wasn't allowed to talk about anything. 795 00:47:33,633 --> 00:47:36,133 Anybody, even my own father didn't want to hear 796 00:47:36,166 --> 00:47:39,466 what I had to say about it-- Oh, I don't want to hear it. 797 00:47:39,500 --> 00:47:43,033 I went, oh? I had all this I wanted to share but I mean, 798 00:47:43,066 --> 00:47:45,966 even my friends didn't want to know what I had to say, 799 00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:47,800 and I'm like, okay. So you just hold it in. 800 00:47:50,500 --> 00:47:52,733 Probably 1981, 1982, 801 00:47:52,766 --> 00:47:55,900 I was playing soccer with my son and 802 00:47:55,933 --> 00:47:58,866 I wasn't even thinking about the war or anything. 803 00:47:58,900 --> 00:48:01,766 We were playing soccer, and we had this pear tree 804 00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:04,166 with low limbs, a lot of wind-- the leaves were shaking. 805 00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:06,533 The trunk and the limbs were blowing, 806 00:48:06,566 --> 00:48:08,666 a lot like helicopter wash. 807 00:48:08,700 --> 00:48:12,733 My son had on his soccer-- he was like 10 maybe-- he had on 808 00:48:12,766 --> 00:48:16,433 his soccer shorts, they were black and shiny, and he ran up 809 00:48:16,466 --> 00:48:19,100 in that pear tree to get the soccer ball, I was gone. 810 00:48:21,900 --> 00:48:25,533 [with much emotion] I wasn't there anymore... 811 00:48:25,566 --> 00:48:27,566 and it really scared me. 812 00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:31,133 I mean, I don't know how long I stood there 813 00:48:31,166 --> 00:48:33,600 smelling and feeling the heat, 814 00:48:33,633 --> 00:48:37,900 but suddenly when I was back in the United States, 815 00:48:37,933 --> 00:48:41,700 my son was jerking on my arm going, "Dad, Dad, Dad." 816 00:48:41,733 --> 00:48:44,833 I'm like, oh, it scared me so bad. 817 00:48:44,866 --> 00:48:48,266 I have a Ka-Bar, I had a little survival rifle. 818 00:48:48,300 --> 00:48:52,433 I took them and I hid them as far in the back of my garage. 819 00:48:52,466 --> 00:48:55,566 I made it as difficult to get to those as I could. 820 00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:58,133 And that started happening a lot. 821 00:49:02,900 --> 00:49:05,833 (MJ) When people say "Thank you for your service," most vets 822 00:49:05,866 --> 00:49:08,633 will probably tell you this, it's a very awkward moment. 823 00:49:08,666 --> 00:49:11,466 I don't want to be thanked-- what do you say, you're welcome? 824 00:49:11,500 --> 00:49:13,900 I don't know how to receive that. 825 00:49:13,933 --> 00:49:17,300 It's, oh, you're a hero! Thank you for your service, 826 00:49:17,333 --> 00:49:20,400 no no no, because I'm just doing my job. 827 00:49:20,433 --> 00:49:23,500 It always made me feel a little bit uncomfortable, 828 00:49:23,533 --> 00:49:27,633 because I always knew what I was like inside, and you know, 829 00:49:27,666 --> 00:49:31,166 if I was shooting at somebody, or shooting a gun, 830 00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:34,633 or calling some artillery, or whatever, I did it with malice. 831 00:49:34,666 --> 00:49:39,466 I did it with hate. You know? 832 00:49:39,500 --> 00:49:42,300 And here's somebody thanking me for that, some lady's like, 833 00:49:42,333 --> 00:49:45,133 "Oh, thank you for your service," and I'm like, lady, 834 00:49:45,166 --> 00:49:48,066 if you knew the monster that lived inside of me, 835 00:49:48,100 --> 00:49:51,466 you would not want to be even near me right now. 836 00:49:59,033 --> 00:50:01,266 My mother-in-law and her husband 837 00:50:01,300 --> 00:50:05,266 wanted to take us out to a nice dinner. 838 00:50:05,300 --> 00:50:08,433 So me and my wife go out with them, and we're in 839 00:50:08,466 --> 00:50:11,100 a very nice restaurant, a nice steak place, so I'm 840 00:50:11,133 --> 00:50:13,700 at this restaurant, and I've got this $50 piece of meat 841 00:50:13,733 --> 00:50:16,233 that you can cut with a fork. Right? 842 00:50:16,266 --> 00:50:19,400 And I, suddenly, it just washes over me, I felt guilty that I'm 843 00:50:19,433 --> 00:50:21,966 fixing to eat this $50 steak with a fork, 844 00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:24,566 not even need for a knife, it's so good. 845 00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:28,500 And I look around at all the people in the nice restaurant, 846 00:50:28,533 --> 00:50:31,600 and I'm like, wow, these people don't have a clue! 847 00:50:31,633 --> 00:50:35,133 They have no idea what's going on in this world. 848 00:50:35,166 --> 00:50:38,700 They're sitting here without a care in the world, 849 00:50:38,733 --> 00:50:41,866 eating $50 steaks, and there's some 20-year-old kid 850 00:50:41,900 --> 00:50:45,066 trying not to get killed halfway around the world, 851 00:50:45,100 --> 00:50:47,433 eating a black-bean enchilada out a frickin' MRE. 852 00:50:47,500 --> 00:50:49,600 I f---in hate civilian life. 853 00:50:49,666 --> 00:50:52,800 [laughs] I mean, it sounds horrible, but I do. 854 00:50:52,866 --> 00:50:55,366 I mean, don't get me wrong, 855 00:50:55,433 --> 00:50:58,200 I wouldn't go back to the military. 856 00:50:58,266 --> 00:51:01,866 It controls your life way too much, but you don't have 857 00:51:01,933 --> 00:51:03,933 the same brotherhood or camaraderie, 858 00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:08,100 or just goal-oriented posturing-- 859 00:51:08,166 --> 00:51:10,866 purpose that you have in the military. 860 00:51:10,933 --> 00:51:11,933 Civilians don't have it at all. 861 00:51:13,900 --> 00:51:18,266 One thing about Nam, about military service 862 00:51:18,300 --> 00:51:23,000 in those situations is, you know somebody's got your back. 863 00:51:23,033 --> 00:51:26,166 In the world, it's dog eat dog. 864 00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:27,966 There's not that, that comradeship. 865 00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:29,866 There's not that love. 866 00:51:29,900 --> 00:51:33,366 There's not that I've got you covered 867 00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:39,033 I wish more of the American public understood war 868 00:51:39,066 --> 00:51:43,166 the way that warriors understand war, 869 00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:47,800 because we would be much more frugal as a nation 870 00:51:47,833 --> 00:51:51,866 in our use of young women and men 871 00:51:51,900 --> 00:51:55,800 who are dying right now still. 872 00:51:58,566 --> 00:52:00,933 (Sebastian Junger) I think the great struggle 873 00:52:00,966 --> 00:52:03,966 for families and friends of veterans is how to gain 874 00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:06,300 access to what their loved one went through. 875 00:52:06,333 --> 00:52:08,200 Civilians don't even understand 876 00:52:08,233 --> 00:52:11,000 that they have permission to ask the question. 877 00:52:11,033 --> 00:52:14,466 To me it's very important to tell your story, 878 00:52:14,500 --> 00:52:17,700 to tell my story and other veterans to tell their stories, 879 00:52:17,733 --> 00:52:19,833 because they just want to be heard. 880 00:52:19,866 --> 00:52:21,833 We just want to be heard. 881 00:52:21,866 --> 00:52:24,766 Nightmares, not having anyone 882 00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:29,300 be able to understand what we went through. 883 00:52:29,333 --> 00:52:33,900 It's a wonderful thing when, when someone can give you 884 00:52:33,933 --> 00:52:38,033 their details, because when we're able to give our details 885 00:52:38,066 --> 00:52:42,433 and the person that we're telling it to receives, there's 886 00:52:42,466 --> 00:52:46,600 a sense of no judgement-- hey, you're safe here-- 887 00:52:46,633 --> 00:52:51,000 you're more than welcome to pour, put it all out there, 888 00:52:51,033 --> 00:52:53,066 because we want to know, genuinely, 889 00:52:53,100 --> 00:52:56,200 and when we're able to do that, 890 00:52:56,233 --> 00:52:59,466 we start to feel safe, we start to forgive ourselves. 891 00:53:02,266 --> 00:53:05,333 For the men and women who fight war, it is 892 00:53:05,366 --> 00:53:07,600 a deeply personal experience that leaves them changed 893 00:53:07,633 --> 00:53:09,766 for the rest of their lives. 894 00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:13,800 So when you engage in stories about war, along with 895 00:53:13,833 --> 00:53:17,533 some great sadness and ugliness, you are seeing some of 896 00:53:17,566 --> 00:53:20,966 the most noble and admirable human traits on full display. 897 00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:23,933 The act of sharing and listening to war stories 898 00:53:23,966 --> 00:53:26,466 can be a profound and potent way 899 00:53:26,500 --> 00:53:28,500 to incorporate warriors back into civilian life. 900 00:53:28,533 --> 00:53:30,366 It's what tribal societies have done 901 00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:32,200 since the beginning of time. 902 00:53:32,233 --> 00:53:34,500 It's what Homer did in Ancient Greece. 903 00:53:34,533 --> 00:53:38,433 It's what every single healthy society has always done 904 00:53:38,466 --> 00:53:41,133 when its warriors have returned home. 905 00:53:41,166 --> 00:53:44,933 I call it turning, ah, your ghosts into ancestors. 906 00:53:44,966 --> 00:53:48,066 Ghosts are what run our lives 907 00:53:48,100 --> 00:53:51,533 because of these things that we've done. 908 00:53:51,566 --> 00:53:54,500 But you can't let them haunt you 909 00:53:54,533 --> 00:53:57,000 because you'll never outrun them. 910 00:53:57,033 --> 00:54:00,466 What you did in war will always be a part of your past, 911 00:54:00,500 --> 00:54:02,700 part of what defines you. 912 00:54:02,733 --> 00:54:06,100 But when you tell your story without fear 913 00:54:06,133 --> 00:54:10,133 and others listen without judgment, we all become whole. 914 00:54:44,233 --> 00:54:46,800 Going to War 915 00:54:44,233 --> 00:54:46,800 is available on DVD 916 00:54:46,866 --> 00:54:51,666 To order, visit shop.PBS.org or call 1-800-PLAY-PBS 917 00:54:51,733 --> 00:54:55,100 Going to War 918 00:54:51,733 --> 00:54:55,100 is also available for download on iTunes 919 00:54:55,166 --> 00:54:58,400 For a deeper look inside the veteran experience, 920 00:54:58,466 --> 00:55:01,866 visit pbs.org/goingtowar